Settle a discussion for me please...

[GinWithRosie]

Started chatting to a chap online yesterday. He asked me about my kids...I said mine had long since flown the nest and I now have grandchildren, but that we are all very close and see each other regularly etc. I'm late 50s, he is 63).

He said that it's 'great that I'm such a 'hands on single mum' as he is very much still a single dad too!'

I said that I'm not a single mum...my kids are over 30! His are too...he's a grandfather to 5, and all his kids are married...he's not a 'single dad' anymore, he's just 'dad'.

He disagreed...saying that he and his ex-wife are both 'single parents' to their kids (his ex-wife was actually the resident parent...he had them every other weekend!)

Surely, 'single-parent' status is reserved for when your children are actually children? Not grown adults with their own families (and you sure as hell don't qualify for it if you're the non-RP do you?)

It was very bizarre to be honest...I don't think we are 'a match' 😂😂

Happy to be told I'm wrong though...or even offered different viewpoints 👍

GinWithRosie I follow your way of thinking . My 3 are in their early 20s and their father and I split up 5 years ago. I never called myself a 'single mum' although a couple of people did refer to me as one which seemed weird to me.

Another thing I find strange is when adults refer to themselves as 'orphans' once both their parents have died. To me, orphans are young children who have lost both parents not adults whose parents lived to see their children become parents themselves.

I mean, technically yes, I'm a parent, and yes, I'm single 😂😂

Agree on the orphan thing too...that's a little dark isn't it, to claim that as an adult 😱

I agree with you.

To me a single parent is a parent where they are the sole parent. For example when I had my eldest and we split up, I did not describe myself as a single parent. But when ex stopped contact, I was a single parent as I was the only parent in the picture.

Agree with you, single dad/mum is when your kids are still kids and need looking after.

Agree also op, a single parent to me is someone who raises their children as such, it is not a parent to adult children and grandchildren.

Hmm, tricky. I wonder if he means that you are still their mum , no matter how old they are and you happen to be single? He is still his children's dad but he is single. Maybe he just means you both deal with life and grown up DC's alone? Without the support of a partner?

I guess people still see single mums in society as younger and with younger children and at a financial disadvantage? Maybe the generalisation of this comment has hit a nerve with you? I am a single mum to what are now older grown DC's , have been for years. Because i have worked full time and own my lovely home people have frequently been "surprised" to learn i am on my own. It has got on my nerves over the years that people think i should somehow be different/poorer as a single mum. I think this is because people in general have pre conceived ideas about what being a single mum is. I do not fit into their narrative. I have more financial freedoms than them and a large house i pay for. People generally do not expect single mums to have this so there is a societal connotation to being a single mum. Could you possibly be feeling slightly offended at his comments? I have been in the past. Could you maybe have viewed his comment as a negative when in fact it is a positive? I wonder if he is in fact honouring your single mothership as he as a single father understands the challenges.

I would not read too much into this at the moment OP. I am a single parent and will be no matter how old my children get. I am single and they will always be my DC.

You are still a parent, no matter how old your children are. When they were younger you raised them alone. You did a great job and now they have families of their own. So, if someone calls you a single parent be proud of your achievements!

You did that!

That's quite a bizarre. At least if you only started chatting yesterday, you've not really wasted any time.

I'm with you! By his logic, my elderly gran ( widowed for decades) would be a "single mum" to her 70+ daughter (my mum, who is also a gran)!

So my DM is a 'stay home mum' because she's a mum and also retired?

Nah, I think something-parent only applies when you're actively 'parenting' children.

I totally agree with you.

I was a single parent while my kids still lived with me. Now they are off and doing their own thing. I'm single. I have children. But I no longer need to parent them as they are adults, so I'm not a single parent.

@KatherineofTarragon I can see what you mean (hence my 'I'm a parent...and single' comment 😂) but honestly, that isn't what he meant at all as I questioned his remark along those lines initially in a joking/lighthearted way.

He genuinely meant that in the sense that we are 'both' still classed as 'single parents' in society...so we could say, on forms etc. that we are a 'single parent' 😳

The fact that he never actually was in the first place, he just just didn't seem to grasp 😂