Feeling a bit sad today that I've failed my dc (despite my best efforts)

[Iwonder777]

Anyone else ever feel regret that they've failed their dc - by default - in areas?

Sometimes genuinely 'doing your best with what you've got (at the time)' still feels lacking when you would ideally give them sooooo much more ...,,.yet can't (due to a plethora of factors).

I could weep this am as I feel like my very best parenting efforts are just not enough sometimes, bearing in mind how much I love the dc.

Hey ho. Off for a walk to try to recalibrate.

Yes. All the time. And it's horrible. I don't know the answer other than to say you are not alone and don't be so hard on yourself.

Thanks.

I kind of knew I wouldn't be alone in my regret but oh my word, it particularly stings at times doesn't it?

I so wish I had more energy and time to do everything required for the dc - and with greater ease. Im permanently tired juggling life, work, dc etc

Do you mean material things or time ? Parenting is hard trying to get the right balance of everything.

Big hugs OP. I remember one of my ds' teachers asking how well the other ds could swim. I said that with 4 of them we had only ever really paddled with them (we couldn't afford swimming lessons). I remember the look she gave me. Also any time there's cursing and also 2 of my kids have to be forced to read anything and 1 is a horrifically stubborn Fussy eater. I feel like I've failed them all, until I see one of them do something lovely for another. That cancels it all out. OP here

It would entirely depend on your definition of failing.

Taking drugs, drink driving with them in the car, not making them go to school, not feeding or washing them, burning them with cigarette butts, leaving them wandering the streets/local park all day, letting them do nothing but play on a computer or watch television all day, allowing smoking and drinking at a young age - all parental failings.

Them being a bit bored, not speaking three languages, not saying please and thank you every time without reminders, shouting at them, shutting yourself in bathroom for half an hour’s peace - not parental failing.

Every single day.

Yes, I've failed my son's badly and I know it. The guilt is overwhelming. I should never had had kids.

Thanks all.

Nope nothing like me being off the rails thankfully, just the usual run of the mill parental failings I guess ....

I still feel like I have failed my 3 and they are in their 20s. Their childhood was one long run of guilty feelings for one reason or another yet they have all grown up healthy, well adjusted and happy. But the fact that the eldest doesn't have enough drive to get a promotion, the middle one can't find a job post uni and the youngest has just split up with her boyfriend are all things making me feel guilty because I can't make them better,. you just have to accept that they have to experience some bad stuff for themselves to make sure they can cope with it!