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Original poster

Feeling really overwhelmed

17 replies

Bereft2020 · 12/08/2020 10:39

I don’t know where to start really.

I have two kids, 5 and 3. I’m a solicitor and I work full time from home. My husband also works full time from home and we’ve had the kids at home with us right up until today.

To say it has been difficult is an understatement. But we plod ever onwards.

I hate my job. I feel like I’m out of my depth. I am a crap parent. Again I’m out of my depth. House is a mess. I am constantly too fucking exhausted to deal with it properly.

I adore my kids but I feel numb to everything

OP posts:
Original poster
Bereft2020 · 12/08/2020 10:42

My marriage is crap. I’m far away from home. My eldest is away back to school and I feel utterly bereft. It was chaos getting her there this morning and I was so flustered when I left her I feel like I’ve totally let her down.

OP posts:
nocutsnobuttsnococonuts · 12/08/2020 12:50

This has been a really unusual situation and I'm sure every parent has had moments where its all become too much.

You are doing amazing, stop being hard on yourself. And if you need an hour to yourself take it. Even if you just give the kids a drink, stick on a dvd and sit in your room to chill for a bit.

Mistlewoeandwhine · 12/08/2020 12:52

I actually think about 90% of people are depressed or anxious right now.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Lockdownseperation · 12/08/2020 12:53

Working full time and looking after children full time is an impossible task. You couldn’t be in your situation and not be overwhelmed.

If you now have childcare can you take a day off for yourself?

zerocraic · 12/08/2020 12:54

You are being so hard on yourself. Is it because you think other people in your situation (2x parents wfh, very young children) are coping better?

Or is it that no-one's really talking about that aspect anymore because we should be getting on with it?

Really, it's been a shitshow for most of us in that position and we are all feeling quite crap about how things are turning out. For what it's worth I can really relate.

zerocraic · 12/08/2020 12:55

Mine haven't gone back to school yet but I will 100% be feeling incredibly flustered once they do and I have to get them out the door on time again. That's also normal.

picklemewalnuts · 12/08/2020 13:07

This is not unlike a wartime situation, OP. Don't underestimate the enormity of what you are dealing with.

Can you and your husband talk about ways of making things more manageable? For example, each of you taking turns to cook/clean while the other takes the children out for an hour?

If money isn't a problem, get some menu boxes delivered- it takes the thought and planning out of cooking every night. I have a code if you'd like to try!

Perhaps work together to clean a room every evening, just to get caught up. Then it will be easier to stay on top of things.

These are trying times, try not to be too hard on yourself.

Original poster
Bereft2020 · 12/08/2020 14:17

It’s the exhaustion. I have no drive and no motivation and no confidence.

I’ve been trying to go to bed earlier (although I have to work in the evenings just now so not as early as I would like) and this morning my husband had a go at me for sleeping through my alarm and waking up the 3 year old yet again. I just wanted to be up and organised but I wasn’t even aware of it.

I think it has just been a really horrendous time and I hate working from home even without the pressure of the kids on top of that. I’ve been a crap parent. I’m so tired of their friends’ mums saying stuff like “oh it’s actually been lovely to have them home” - I wish I felt that way, I wish I had made the most of it, but the truth is that juggling it all has nearly bloody killed me.

I can barely muster the energy to shower. This is not me.

OP posts:
MrsMoastyToasty · 12/08/2020 14:22

It sounds like you are trying to be all things to everyone.

Do you WANT to work full time or NEED to work full time? Can you drop a day per week even if it means that you don't have so much money coming in? Live a simplified version of your life?

zafferana · 12/08/2020 14:25

Be kind to yourself OP. I cannot imagine how tough this lockdown and school closure has been for FT working parents who've had their DC at home throughout. No wonder you're feeling anxious, exhausted and depressed. I think it's going to take a lot of people a very long time to start to feel better again after all of this.

  1. Can you afford a cleaner? Someone to help make your house clean and tidy might help a bit.
  2. Is there any end to the home working in sight? If the home working is part of the issue can you now return to your office for a bit of normality?
  3. Ignore all the 'we've LOVED lockdown' brigade. Seriously, I've been ignoring the 'we LOVE the summer holidays' crowd for 8 years now. Some people love having their DC at home FT and some don't. The latter group are not necessarily crap parents and even if you haven't been the best parent over the past five months, who the hell has among those who've also had to work? Please, cut yourself some slack. It sounds like you've done the best you could Flowers
zafferana · 12/08/2020 14:26

PS. you actually sound depressed. Please have a chat with your GP. That total lack of motivation, exhaustion, etc is all classic symptoms of depression.

soupmaker · 12/08/2020 14:28

OP please don't be so hard on yourself. Working full-time with two very young children at home is absolutely not possible. Have you had anytime of work? Can you take some leave to give you a chance to do some things with the kids? Don't listen to all the rubbish others tell you about marvellous it's been - they are lying. Take it one day at a time. Small changes to make you feel a bit better. You're not crap.

Lockdownseperation · 12/08/2020 14:41

I agree that you should speak to your GP.

Original poster
Bereft2020 · 12/08/2020 17:26

I think I will. Will they do anything re social services if I say I’m depressed? I mean the kids are fine and happy

OP posts:
zafferana · 12/08/2020 18:24

Will they do anything re social services if I say I’m depressed?

No - absolutely not! Depression is sadly very common and on its own would not be cause for concern from social services. Please don't let that dissuade you from seeking help OP. Depression can be situational, as well as something that people can suffer from throughout their lives. One single event can trigger a depressive episode in someone who has never experienced it before. Please seek help - there are different options available for treatment and they can be effective very quickly. Don't suffer any longer than you have to.

FraughtwithGin · 12/08/2020 18:30

Well I am free at the moment, if you would like a nanny-housekeeper, degree educated with pgce and a good cook :-)
I also gave experience and can provide references.

picklemewalnuts · 13/08/2020 18:43

You need to check in with the gp in case you have an underlying condition, low iron, vit B or thyroid are often the culprit.

Don't just assume it's stress.

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