feel really anxious and affected by having to end a junior's contract. How to feel less rattled?

[sweetbirdofjuice]

Hi All.

In short, my mental health has been bad these last 2-3 years due to some essential meds: anxiety, depression, panic, all sorts. But I've kept going career wise.

Recently, in a newish job I have had to let a team member go. I took no pleasure in it and thankfully she found another job straight away.

However, she was so unpleasant, defensive, dishonest and evasive whilst trying to work with her that I still feel rattled by the whole thing.

My managers wanted rid of her but left it all up to me when I have had no experience of terminating a contract and all I got was shit from her at every stage. I don't expect someone to be happy being sacked but I tried so hard to improve her work for months beforehand and was completely transparent about the issues and generous with praise for the bits she did get right. She simply refused to accept she was not fantastic at her job and responded with lies, blame shifting and aggression. She would whine about being offended if anyone dared to pull her up on constant mistakes. Please believe I did everything I could to support her and build a good relationship.

She has been taken on elsewhere in the organisation temporarily for political reasons I won't go into, although HR accepted the considerable issues with her work. We are public sector so there is substantial red tape around letting someone go, even

It has just been such a stressful time and is exacerbating my MH symptoms and making me feel constantly stressed even though she is gone. Just needed to write it out.How do I forget this?

just to add, I do empathise with losing her job at a tough time but I had gone through an improvement plan and done what I could, she simply refused to engage.

Sounds like this is your anxiety talking. Review medication if possible? Find new ways to manage anxiety? Woupd some time off work help?

Some decisions, even when they are right, should be taken very seriously. I make decisions at work that change people's lives. I should be awake at 3am once in a while. I should think about that decision and agonise about it. Ultimately though, that worry is to make sure you thought of everything. Once you have, you can think, "it really was the only thing I could have done".

Was this the right decision? Was there anything else you could have done? Did she actually work as hard as you did for HER job?

Op, I sympathise but you, and the girl concerned, must remember this is business, not personal, even if it is public sector.

You are responsible for providing a quality service and getting value for tax payers money. This employee did not provide either. If you did everything you could to resolve that situation but she wouldn’t or couldn’t co-operate, then you have nothing to feel guilty about. You aren’t there to be lovely to her, you have a job to do.

I’ve just been made redundant, I’m private sector and the company revenues have halved. I ran the numbers myself and I know my boss had to act to reduce payroll and protect the company overall. For various reasons, my role is one of those he can cut for a year and still survive. I’m not thrilled but I’m professional enough to understand cold necessity.

Find someone in real life to talk to, exercise more or take up yoga but get some sleep. Harming yourself won’t help anyone x

Wow you really aren't coming across very pleasant in this post, I would hate to be an employee under you.

Also I disagree with above this post is incredibly one sided, and legally could land you in hot water if she found this post.

@babydisney

Also I disagree with above this post is incredibly one sided, and legally could land you in hot water if she found this post.

Oh please, this could describe about a thousand situations. One of which is at my job and I'm pretty sure OP doesn't work there.

I've also been in a similar situation. However I was well supported by my managers, who actually felt I had been far too "nice" and should have been more hardline in my approach.

I think this helped me to see that partly I was identifying with how this would be my worst nightmare were I in her shoes. But as a pp points out, evidently not his/her worst nightmare to the point they actually follow the improvement plan and save their own ass. I have failed uni assignments and taken on feedback and passed. It's not comfortable but it's a learning process. If someone can't respond to a learning process, they can't change and so they have to go (though, as you point out, in the public sector that is not easy). It is not your job to save every employee who works for you. There is the ideal supportive, developing manager. But a managerial relationship has two participants, and like every relationship, if the employee doesn't engage, despite best efforts, then there's not a lot you can do. Was your practice defensible? Sounds it. Was it moral? Sounds it.

It too left me unsettled for a long time. But that was about dissonance with my previous naive conceptualisation of myself as ideal manager, plus identification with myself as I would feel in the employee's position (not how this employee him/herself did actually feel - because if it was the same as me they would have followed the plan). Ie it was mostly about me and my development as a manager, not the rights/wrongs of the situation. I would suggest in your case it was also about the lack of support from your management making you feel more anxious, added to a context where you worry your judgement is off anyway. If you are lucky enough to have a peer or supervisor to talk this through with, this might be a place to take it to.

What do you think the OP should have done differently then Babydisney? Genuinely interested.

@babydisney

Wow you really aren't coming across very pleasant in this post, I would hate to be an employee under you.

OP sounds like she worked hard to bring this woman up to speed and in a nice way.

You must be reading another thread.

Unfortunately you do come across employees like this. Those who cannot accept constructive criticism or accept that they are not fantastic. They try everything to stop you aid in improving their performance as they simply want to coast along doing as little as possible while believing they are wonderful.

From what you have described you've done the right thing.

Helpful thread, thank you op.

Thanks so much for the supportive comments.

Mrs Terry and KatherineJaneway you're right, it is a decision I would stand by and was the entirely the right thing to do. I can look myself in the eye over this objectively speaking, and know that I did as much as I could have- more, to be honest. It's largely the extended period of unpleasantness really, from well before the final decision was made that's affecting me now I think. If I hadn't had the option to terminate this woman, I would have started a grievance about a lot of her behaviour I think (a lot is in writing).

Son you're right. Not sure I'd say I was a people pleaser to be honest. I would say I'm not afraid of conflict in the normal run of things. I think this may well be the anxiety talking, in normal times I would be able to accept it was the right thing to do and move on.

Babydisney the post isn't identifying at all, no names, no places, nothing unique about terminating a poor employee. If this individual did identify herself from the post, then frankly it would be a miracle as it would mean she would recognise the shortcomings in her work and behaviour. There is nothing unlawful about posting anonymously online about a personal or employment issue.

Greek2me I think some time off would be really nice tbh and help quite a bit.

just a bit difficult at the moment

to add to first para, It's also the frustration of trying really hard to get someone working to an acceptable standard and coming up against their delusion and entitlement at every turn that is still bothering me I think.

Again, I think the anxiety is stopping me from shaking this off.

I would have happily worked with someone not great but with a bit of insight and willingness, helping them slowly improve. I think the lying and covering up was what I realised I couldn't do a thing with.

Writing this down really helps btw, thank goodness for MN and it's awesome members.

I’m in a very similar position to the one you describe. Except mine does just enough for them to stay in post, then as soon as they get one month’s targets achieved will go back to their previous low productivity behaviour. I find it exhausting to manage, tbh and seem to be putting in far more effort than them.

I need to step back and follow procedures and put some emotional distance in there, but I’m too tired. I need a break.

babydisney

Supportive much?

Balls to her.

You tried every which way to help her improve her work output and possibly avoid being sacked.
But she was obviously a completely useless pain in the arse and she signed her own death warrant.

Chin up, OP. You've done nothing wrong, my friend.

From your description you did all that you could. I think you need to step back a bit and get more help with your anxiety.
Every thread seems to have at least one 'babydisney' making random, unpleasant remarks - ignore this.

@babydisney

Wow you really aren't coming across very pleasant in this post, I would hate to be an employee under you.

What exactly makes the op seem unpleasant? I cant see anything wrong?

Well the situation cannot exactly have been novel for her own anxiety OP. I'm not sure it is appropriate to be online calling her 'whiny' etc. In the nicest possible way I think the way you speak about her shows that it has crossed too far into personal for you, when it is work. You did as instructed with little support and the situation was stressful so it is no surprise and no failing on your own behalf to feel anxious.

I suffer with similar and I know I run things over and over and make everything about how it makes me look and turn it personal, when I am anxious. I would advise trying to extricate yourself from it. It's hard but it's done, she has a job, the rest is not your business and you need to put the focus back on yourself. I would try to take some time off as others suggest and start the process of telling yourself it is done with every time it comes up in your head and move onto a more positive distraction. It's done with, you did your best and all is and will be well.

thanks everyone.

Weasel that sounds exhausting. Could the targets be reviewed to reflect the work that needs doing if he's able to meet the targets but still mess around most of the time?

Thanks Wentaway and ameanstreak, really kind of you.

dontgobacon yes I agree with you that this has got under my skin far too much, which is the issue. I think it's because quite a lot of her behaviour might have looked like bullying in another context. It was persistently speaking to me aggressively and inappropriately in the face of any constructive criticism and I didn't have any real support with escalating this other than 'well we need to get rid of her at the end of the PIP process'.

Also yes, I understand that this cannot have been easy for her and am so glad she has been found another job. I do have some sympathy for her but she was well aware what the issues were and had plenty of time to make amendments.

This post is a bit all about me but tbh my concern is my mental health at current.