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Original poster

Dress code and nothing to wear. Skip or go?

23 replies

Rewis · 09/08/2020 19:40

If there is an event with a dress code and you don’t own anything that fits the dress code and it does not make sense/not possible to buy/borrow something for this one off event.

Should you skip the event, attend and wear whatever is the closest to the dress code or something else?

This came up in coversation with a friend in reference to an upcoming event that is black tie optional (but we talked about this in general). We had slightly different views about this and I’m curious what others think.

OP posts:
confusedofengland · 09/08/2020 19:43

I would - and have many times - buy something at a charity shop or Facebook sales page. You could get something for £10 max. If you find a fairly plain dress, you could dress it up or down for other occasions, too.

CherryPavlova · 09/08/2020 19:56

Black tie is easy as it’s can so wide. Women can get away with anything from black trousers and a sparkly top, to a pretty cocktail dress to evening dress.

Go and enjoy. Just make some effort. Nobody shoe rude enough to say anything, even if you’re in hot pants and a boob tube.

DelurkingAJ · 09/08/2020 20:04

Charity shops are often fab for this. I agree though that nobody should be as crass as to comment!

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RowboatsinDisguise · 09/08/2020 20:06

Just go with whatever is the closest approximation IMO. I’d hate to host an event and have people not turn up because they felt they weren’t able to meet the dress code! (Although this is why I’d never have a dress code in the first place)

llarreggub · 09/08/2020 20:10

Go as near as you can. Don't buy something that is only going to be worn once. The only clothing that should ever only be worn once is a wedding dress.

LockdownLoser · 09/08/2020 20:13

For me it depends on the event, mates birthday party with a roaring 20s theme, I would go as close as possible but Definitely go.

If it was a formal event with a dress code I would go in the required dress or not at all.

I can't imagine not having enough notice of a dress coded event that I didn't have enough time to beg borrow or buy something to wear.

Atalune · 09/08/2020 20:16

I would make it work and buy beg borrow something.

EasilyDelighted · 09/08/2020 20:19

I'd make it work somehow and go. The only time I am tempted to bail because of a dress code is fancy dress which I hate but I grit my teeth and make the effort because I usually still want to see my friends.

Original poster
Rewis · 09/08/2020 20:25

Oh, we both have something to wear. It is not a problem.

One part we talked about was men. What if he doesn't own a suit or does not have a jacket or the suit is a light colour? Or if the woman has dresses that are more like sundresses etc. not are not that "formal"

Yeah, charity shops are good but the scenario is not to buy anything (due to finances/not wanting to spend money on one off). Is it better to be underdressed but go as formal as possible with what you got or not attend? I'm not a huge fan of borrowing clothes unless it is from someone very close to me so I can totally understand if someone is not willing to go that route.

My personal feeling is that attendance is more impotant than the dress code. However, I can also undertand that if there is a dresscode there is a reason for it. This specifi party is a formal academic event but this discussion was more broad to all dress code events.

OP posts:
Luzina · 09/08/2020 20:29

This is why the dress code at my wedding was to wear whatever you want. We had guests in pish frocks and hats and guests in jeans. I hate dress codes.

WhoWouldHaveThoughtThat · 09/08/2020 20:29

If its a naturism event then just skip and go!

Luzina · 09/08/2020 20:29

Posh not pish....

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/08/2020 20:33

With your criteria (which posters seem to have ignored! :o ) I'd attend in the closest possible to the requirements unless it was something like a health and safety issue e.g. you've to dress in a spacesuit because you are on the space shuttle or dress in a wetsuit as you are swimming with sharks in cold water.

So if it was black tie and a bloke turned up in a day suit with shirt and tie or a woman turned up in a summer dress, I would be happy that they tried to dress up and came.

If all I had was a pair of ripped jeans and a dirty pink floyd t -shirt and a pair of gym shoes then I'd think not attending would be the option I'd go for.

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/08/2020 20:34

I think the key is that they've made an effort to make it an occasion and made the effort to attend.

cariadlet · 09/08/2020 20:35

I'd skip the event because I can't imagine being comfortable at an event that dictated a dress code. If I'm going somewhere that's supposed to be an enjoyable evening then I'd want it to be relaxed and fairly casual.

I've had to dress up a bit for a couple of weddings but they were pretty informal and definitely no dress code.

The only time I can imagine happily following a dress code is if I was asked to wear either black or bright colours for a funeral.

Musicalmistress · 09/08/2020 20:54

For those suggesting charity shops I find they are only of any use in situations like this is you are a common size - particularly slim, petite, tall or curvy and they are no use unfortunately. Also it depends very much on the area your charity shop is based - no chance of anything remotely cocktail/black tie in our local charity shops!

Bargebill19 · 09/08/2020 21:01

Depends if I really wanted to go, as it is a good excuse to not go if I didn’t want to.
If I wanted to attend, I would just dress in the best clothes I had and go. If someone is upset or makes a rude comment - it reflects more on them then me.

sweetbirdofjuice · 11/08/2020 09:21

'black tie optional' gives you plenty of leeway i would say. A light coloured suit or no jacket would be acceptable in summer and I think a sundress would be fine if pressed well, hair and makeup done.

For me it would depend on how much I want to go. A close friend's wedding I would make the effort for even if I didn't have anything fancy to wear. If an event wasn't that exciting to me and I would feel uncomfortable, say a work black tie thing, then I would probably be 'busy' on the night.

BarbaraofSeville · 11/08/2020 09:39

It's black tie optional, which to me means make an effort, no jeans/sportswear, but feel free to dress up if you want to.

The light coloured suit and sundress will be absolutely fine for this occasion, especially as it's in summer. People will be wearing all manner of clothes, some formal, some less so, and if it gets warm, a lot of the jackets will get ditched anyway.

Go, enjoy, stop overthinking Smile

MrsT1405 · 11/08/2020 11:11

I buy pre owned dresses from ebay for cruising. Not much more than 15 quid for a posh frock.

thedevilinablackdress · 11/08/2020 11:50

The key word there I think is optional

QuestionableMouse · 11/08/2020 11:54

@MrsT1405

I buy pre owned dresses from ebay for cruising. Not much more than 15 quid for a posh frock.
@MrsT1405

I'm guessing you're slim?

Because once you get to bigger sizes there's not a lot of choice.

bitofafunnyquestion · 11/08/2020 14:03

QuestionableMouse When I was a size 16/18/ almost 20, I found really good second hand dresses for work and occasions on Ebay. Not so much high fashion or vintage but there were plenty of good quality high street and boutique type brands

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