Anyone want to calm a crazy lady down?

[PurpleMackington]

I'm being dramatic because I really don't need calming down, more just reassuring!

I had a date on Thursday night with a guy I met online and it went brilliantly. We had spoken loads in the run up to the date, including hours at a time on the phone. He is quite a bit older than me (44 to my 29) but neither of us have much dating experience. We had a few goodnight kisses at the end of the date when he walked me home. He then phoned me from the car on his drive home, and text me when he got home saying it was the best first date he has ever had.

He had a busy day at work yesterday, and then we spoke on the phone for 2 and a half hours last night. To the extent where towards the end of the conversation he said he might as well have just come over! I text him afterwards to say goodnight and that I had enjoyed talking to him. He didnt reply but it was late and we were just off the mega-long phone conversation so there was no need!

We both have our children today, so I know I wont hear from him til this evening, which is absolutely normal and I dont want to distract him at all from time with his child. I did drop him a quick message this morning to say I hope he has a nice day with her. No response but like I said, not expecting one.

The thing is, I know this is completely normal not to be having constant conversations flowing throughout the day. I know he prefers to speak on the phone, and I love our phone conversations in the evening. I'm seeing him tomorrow night, although no concrete plans on what we will actually do but I dont mind.

He is really lovely and has made it very clear that he is into me. But honestly having never dated before I haven't figured out how to completely distract myself from worrying constantly that he has gone off me. I do struggle with general anxiety so maybe this is just how it is manifesting itself. He has given me no reason to believe that he is not into me.

I dont really know what I want from this thread but needed to get this off my chest and maybe even use this as an method of distraction!

I don't know, I might have expected a very quick reply before now.

It's definitely too early to read anything into it yet. Give it until this evening and see how he is.

It's hard to comment as I don't suffer from anxiety regularly, but when I met my husband the most noticeable difference was the complete absence of any nerves and "should/ shouldn't I text him". It just felt natural.

@TinySongstress that was the niggle for me too....but as if by magic I just received this message:

Hey, yes having a good time with her!
It's still too hot though isn't it!!
As far last night, as great as it was talking to you, it was gutting we weren't together.
Have a great day, and I am already looking forward to seeing you tomorrow x

Stand back a bit.
This could be an early sign of push/pull toxic dynamic.
Focus on you today, this thread, your kids.
You can observe the situation with greater clarity when you are not filling the gaps by waiting for his response all the time.
I hope you get what I mean.
Just get into your day and see when and what he comes back with.
Good relationships tend to be a slow burn, in our want to find "the one" we can have a tendency to rush all of the early stages and get to the secure bit.
Give it opportunity to burn out, stand back, observe what he does.
If he's into you he won't go anywhere.
If it's push pull you will have these intense interactions and then him pulling back, then he will start telling you you are needy, when he has created that dynamic.
Don't go there.
You set the pace.
S l o w.
You don't know him, you owe each other nothing.

Tbh this early "best thing ever" is a red flag.

I'm being dramatic because I really don't need calming down

I think you do!

You’re being way too invested in this guy so early on. First date on Thursday, 2.5 hour phonecall on Friday, him saying he might as well have come over?? What- after a first date? That’s angling for a booty call right there. You’re planning to talk to him again this evening and seeing him again tomorrow!

It begs the question how did you spend your time before you met this man?

it was gutting we weren't together.

Gutting? Does he know what that word means? Because not being with someone again the night after you’ve met them isn’t normally a gutting experience. It’s just him carrying on with his normal life.

That all sounds really intense. It sounds like he wants it to move really fast and that’s not necessarily the best thing. I’d feel overwhelmed if I went on a date with someone then they phoned me and also text me afterwards. It’s too full on.

You've met this man ONCE. He is a stranger. You are way too invested. stop these ridiculously long phone calls. They give a false sense of intimacy and knowing someone. Take it S L O W and don't let him push you into sex - As far last night, as great as it was talking to you, it was gutting we weren't together