What did lockdown teach you about your relationship?

[JustOneLastThing]

I learnt that I absolutely adore DP, and miraculously that spending great swathes of time together meant that we have grown closer.
I have also learnt that he is surgically attached to his dressing gown and with no work to go to, will happily spend day(s)? in it?
And that he has terrible taste in TV, much worse than previously thought!

That I actually can’t stand my husband, but really can’t afford to leave him.

That my 17 year old who is difficult to live with at the best of times and who is at home 24/7 due to being furloughed, is so difficult to live with that it’s making my life hell and I need a break from him.
That my eldest son (22) who I already knew is one of the kindest people you could ever want to meet, really is amazing and spending more time with him due to furlough has been wonderful and has been the thing that has kept me going.

To be honest, nothing that I didn't already know! We've been together for 23 years so no surprises really.

That I'm dreading retirement because he's so boring

I’ve been worrying about retirement and spending lots of time together, but we actually got on ok and housework etc was fairly divided, we ate well, he was relaxed rather than a stressed out work muppet.

I’m a very introverted person and love time to myself even though I only live with DP. It’s been actually really lovely and I’m really going to miss him when he’s back at work next week.
I’ve also realised my anxiety is way way way worse than I though, and I waste too much time procrastinating and I’m lazy. My opinion of myself has gone down a lot but I don’t know how to change myself.

That we get on better than when we commute and have long days. Tiredness made us snappy. We rub along together very well.

That I chose my DH well and that he is the best person to be locked down with. He is also the best person to teach our DC - patient and steady. It's also re-emphasised the knowledge though that if I want anything done, I need to think it, prepare and organise it and sometimes even do it too.

It taught me that I take my wonderful, caring husband for granted. And I’ve loved hearing him interact with people on a professional basis (we’re both working from kitchen table). Sadly, I’ve realised that I’m lazy, moody and grumpy, and that I really need at least one night out a week with friends to keep me going.

I was another one who was worrying about retirement, but now I know we’ll be fine.
It’s been lovely, on the whole, and when less than lovely it’s only been minor niggles.
It’s been a real pleasure to see him ‘at work’, he’s really good at his job.
At first when I was WFH I missed my workmates. I’m worrying I’ll miss my DH now if/when we’re back ‘in’

Another one for whom lockdown made little difference. We have brought up a disabled, sometimes suicidal, often bedbound child together, often on very little money. Last year she was ill with a virus that made her unable to walk for months, took her a year to get back to normal. Lockdown hardly registered in comparison.

What I have learnt is that dh is dependable and unselfish and that we will always be able to laugh together. He will make a fuss over tiny things but be a solid rock when the chips are down. Or as ds once put it: "A minor accident when someone ends up in A & E, a catastrophe is when dad treads on a biscuit."

That I'm grateful for everything I have! DH, 2 dogs and now DD born during lockdown!

Nothing that I didn't already know. We get on fantastically and always have. Love spending time with each other even 24/7. Have done so before as have worked together just the 2 of us.

Can't wait for him to retire. I am already retired,. He is not due to retire for another 5 years but he has loved being home so much he is cutting down to working 3 days a week (self employed so can do as he likes)

That he was a liar and it was all a lie. I lived with someone and never knew them at all. The quite , sensitive and kind man I thought I had , turned out to be cold , manipulative and harsh. As much as it hurts now , I'm glad that lockdown happened and saved me more heartbreak and betrayal

That i dont want to have to spend that much time with the man Im married to.

That I have loved having him home, he travels with work a lot and has done so for 20 years. I have been worried about retirement which is around 15 years away but we give each other space.

That having my XH to stay (when he came to see the DC) was bearable.

And that although he still lies about anything and everything, never pays attention and gaslights like crazy, he's administratively reliable.

That a budding new relationship (old friend, new spark) doesn't survive months of no F2F contact in lockdown. Pity.

We have had some dark times and I’ve always assumed we will eventually part ways and was dreading retirement too but lockdown was really pleasant and we rubbed along really nicely without all the running around and busyness of life. I think we are finally out the other side.

That 'the more time you spend with someone the more sick of them you get' is nonsense. I absolutely love spending every minute of every day with DP and can't wait for many more years.

I adore DH, we are pretty co-dependent. He is such good company and he has been brilliant through lockdown.

One thing I have noticed is he is ageing. We all are, I know, but I hadn’t really taken the time to think about it before. And old person attitudes were really starting to creep in to his thinking (particular way of doing things, fixed ideas etc). I started to see a future with a ‘set in his ways’ old man in decades to come.

Basically, I’ve said no to that future. DH, with my help, is going to relearn a bit of flexibility, tolerance and the value of keeping up with new ideas. I am so grateful to lockdown to have noticed this and to have - hopefully - had a chance to sort it in our relationship. It’s quite exciting, really - we’re gonna be probiotic, tik tokking, hip cats together. (Well, probably not but more so).

I'm so relieved/glad he is the kind of person I can just get on with all the time who doesn't make a drama out of things (in fact is quite skilled at cooling down my own dramas!)

I have seen other people get so frustrated with their OHs and I completely understand that it can just be proximity and doesn't mean their relationship is awful or anything, but it's nice to know that DH and I are happy with each other even in such an intense situation :o

My husband and I are away for a weekend without the kids and we're only saying last night how much we've enjoyed spending time together during lockdown.
We've been together 25 years, so know each other well but it's been lovely ... except one horrible row but that's all

Been/lived together for 25+ years, many years wfh both of us.
So nothing that I didn't know.

I think I’ve got more emotionally dependent on him being here. When all this is over and he has to work away at times, I’ll miss him more than I did before!

At the beginning it was hard but I soon was able to let things go and appreciate his help. I used to do all the shopping for the household but he took over that. I was heavily pregnant when lockdown started and gave birth at the end off April. Then I didn’t take baby out for a while (c-section took a longer than usual to heal). Luckily I’m an introvert and I enjoyed staying at home, now with Dh doing the shopping and walking my other children (on his days off) I don’t need to leave the house. Dh has improved his relationship with our children. I’m still vulnerable and overweight now thanks to not going out as much. So far Dh is winning the most improved partner in this relationship.

That he's quite dependable in short bursts, but his depression and his lack of commitment to finding ways to deal with it will get in the way of us ever being truly happy together.