Relate counsellor said my husband is emotionally abusive

[Proseccodreams]

My husband and I recently started talking to Relate as things had got pretty bad and I wanted better for my daughter. When I had my one on one session with the counsellor she said that my husband was emotionally abusive and she feared for my safety. I was so shocked, she said as the woman grows stronger and tries to take control this is when she becomes most at risk, and non more so than when she tries to leave. I’ve never been scared before but now I am. Has anyone had any similar experience that can help me?

Has she not signposted you to any help? Just dropped the bomb without any helplines?
I suppose contact womens aid/refuge?

Do you think he's abusive? Does he call you names, put you down, make you feel like you're walking on eggshells, shout if he's not getting his own way, always makes out he knows better than you.

I was 'stuck with an arsehole' tried to end it, couldn't as he wouldn't let me. I didn't think it was abuse because he wasn't hitting me but it turned out to be coercive control. He's gone now and I'm much happier.

Were you surprised to hear that? How would you describe your husband’s behaviour towards you?

Yeah it’s not good but yes I was really shocked when she says it. Thanks for sorting that mistake.🙂
Yes he calls me stupid and says I don’t have a brain, says I’m not good at anything. He’ll never apologise after an argument when he says nasty things to me and very rarely says anything nice to me. He calls me things like dummy mummy in front of our daughter but says I just can’t take a joke. It sounds really petty when I write it down but yes I do always feel like I’m walking on eggshells
I guess I always thought I could sort things out with him, I’m saying to him at the moment that I am not prepared to let him speak to me like he does anymore and it has to stop. The counsellor says she’s worried I’m not safe. I’ll do some reading up. I just always thought we would be able to work through it

Op, sorry I just read your update now. You are definitely in an abusive relationship, you will not be able to fix him. You must plan your exit strategy. Read up about coercive control and 'why does he do that' by Lundy Bancroft. Slowly start discussing these things with friends and family so you have some support if you need it. Speak to woman's aid. It took me a few months from realising I was in an abusive relationship to getting out. Are you married? Have a mortgage together? I recommend you get out any way you can as soon as you can. It's tough at first but you feel a million times better when your power returns. I was depressed when I was stuck with him but now I'm happy as Larry. Good luck op, you deserve far better than him

He does sound horrible. I can’t see how such things would be worked out as it isn’t a one off rude comment that he apologised profusely for. He sounds like he’s just nasty.