Contact for children with ex

[Tyformyprescrion]

DCs are 6yrs and 22mos old. I don't know anybody else who's divorced / divorcing / split up, so I don't know what is normal (I appreciate all cases are different). What contact arrangements do your kids have with your ex? I have no idea what is normal. Thank you

First of all I’m sorry you are going through this op. I know from experience that it can be quite a stressful and worrying time.

The classic ‘normal’ (if there is such a thing) is every other weekend. Or every other weekend plus an overnight during the week.

However, it is quite common now for parents to split residency 50/50 - so a week with mum, a week with dad. Or the first half of the week with mum and the second half of the week with their dad.

There are pros and cons to every situation.
It all really depends on your personal circumstances. Some parents arrange it to accommodate shift work, some parents move away so the weekdays are determined by proximity to the children’s school.
There really is no universal answer - you have to figure out what is best for your family

Hi. Sorry to hear you're going through this, it's a shitty roller-coaster ime. Mine were 5 and 7 when we split and we did 50 50 from the start but have had a few different patterns of that over the last 18 months. Recently we've gone to week on week off as my now 6yo asked to have more time at each home. But exh had always been a very active parent and we shared parenting when we were married as much as possible.

My bf split when 2 of his were those ages and they had every other weekend and one night in the week, and still do. All the kids seem okay.

It depends on a lot of things really, distance between where the two parents live, work arrangements which allow one parent to do school pick up or drop off and one not.

We live 45 mins from DSD so DP sees her one night in the week and EOW, which I think is one of the fairly "standard" arrangements, but a more even split is common if you live closer.

50/50 is becoming more common but for me and a lot of my friends it’s usually every other weekend and 1 night a week.

50/50 should be the starting point and go from there. And it should be something that you agree between you. My partner has been in the situation where his ex felt it was up to her to dictate what 'appropriate contact' he was allowed and it created a very bitter situation. So unless the kids are in danger with him, make sure you both have equal input into the arrangements.

Thank you all for your input. It seems like 50/50 & EOW plus a weeknight are the most common! X

My brother divorced a few years ago when his children were similiar age. Due to how young the youngest was there was about 6months of just day trips etc before an overnight stay was allowed and then it was worked up to 2 nights. End model was EOW plus one night another week. And even share of holidays..

I have a great relationship with my ex. We do not do 50/50 or EOW as my ex's job is 24/7 and he does shifts. Ex has DS whenever he has days off. This week it was Thursday and Friday, next week it will be the weekend. Averages out about 4 nights/8 days a month.

I don't necessarily think 50/50 should be the starting point as every situation is unique. 50/50 would never have worked for us.

Without sounding harsh, but you have to think of yourself as well.

1 night during the week will mean that you end up doing most of the school runs as well as having very few evenings to the week to yourself to do what you want.