Exhausted by post lockdown return to socialising

[User56770987]

Does anyone else feel like this?
The.constant arrangement making, dashing about, meeting up.
I'm an introvert and I'm really struggling. Lockdown made me realise I'm so much happier with loads of time to myself and time to do things I want to. I can't seem to reduce or avoid it as I don't want to be rude or tell lies to get out of meeting up with people. I do enjoy it to an extent and don't want to lose friends. My DC are at playdate stage and I find that really stressful. Anyone else feel like this or have suggestions how I can reduce this pressure?

Hopeful bump

Hi OP, not much more to add other than I could not agree with you more. Whilst I didn't love lockdown per se, I did grow to really appreciate the slower pace and lifestyle. I love being able to dedicate myself fully to my interests and develop new ones (anyone else pick up knitting? I'm obsessed now.) I'm going to try and take a more balanced approach to socialising now as the initial rush has completely knackered me out. One outing a week would do me nicely@

Haven't begun socialising yet! What's the rush to catch the virus?

I’ve had a frantic couple of weeks, but I plan do do no socialising at all till next week, if I can

Well you still have the best excuse in the world - there’s a global pandemic on. The virus hasn’t gone away.

We are hardly seeing anyone still. It’s impossible to socially distance children so it’s easier not to do much.

You don't have to be rude or tell lies to avoid meeting up with people! Just say you're trying to keep socialising to a minimum at the moment but you'd love to do something another time. If they're friends they'll understand.

I know how you feel and I love socialising. Ive never had as many plans ever as I have this month and even thinking about it all is exhausting me whereas before I was very much into having a plan for Friday night, Saturday and Sunday.

Even DP has asked that we plan some more chilled weekends and he’s usually more than happy to go along with whatever plans I’ve made

I am burnt out from the whole thing. The lockdown, the endless childcare and now the back to back socialising.

Today I have decided to cancel everything next week. I need a much quieter time. I am going to be honest, and tell my friends I am hot and tired, and taking some time out with dc. I will see them in September when the dc go back (and I have some more energy hopefully!)

Thanks for replies. I was thinking surely I'm not alone. Really good point, I have a really good excuse for a bit longer. I'm in Scotland so there is a bit of a feeling of having to catch up with everyone before the schools go back.

I'm not an full on introvert but lockdown has given me a huge lesson that I can say no to social dates and I can manage just fine at home with the kids. We don't always have to go out. We don't always have to rush. Before, on a Thursday for example when I don't work, I'd do the school run, rush to get the dog walked, leg it to playgroup by 10 to meet friends, friends and kids back to my house at 12 for homemade lunch and hang out, often 2 - 4 adults with 1 or 2 kids each, then school run again. Sort of had a hostess with the most thing going on. I'm not going back to that!

You can say no. Just be polite about it.

Now is the time to make the change OP! Lots of people have altered their behaviour and habits during all this, so it's one of the few times you can say "I have decided to reduce my social engagements to once a week (or whatever)". Or cultivate a new habit of saying "So sorry I can't make that (no extra details). Have a brilliant time".

I agree completely. It's not as easy as just saying no sometimes. I wish it was!

My social life has stalled, but I can see your problem being like the pressure to do loads of video calls early on in lockdown. It was ok to start with but felt a bit intrusive on personal time after a few weeks.

I'd go at your own pace. Can someone else do some of the arranging & booking instead of it being you all the time?

Same here, lots of socially distanced walking and dog walking and bike riding. I’m making a conscious effort to pace myself, we tend to have a quiet day in between. I go back to work properly in a couple of weeks, god help me.

It's reminding me of a time in my youth when I lived for some time without a tv, maybe 2 or 3 years. When I finally got one I was naturally inclined to limit my time to one show here and there as I found it over stimulating. At the moment when I have an actual meet up I get so over stimulated that i can't sleep after. The nice side of it all is that I did miss my friends and I find I do get excited now to see them whereas before I was just doing what I felt I had to to maintain the friendship. I will not return to what I was doing before. I've hurt some feelings but one of the decisions I made during lockdown was to seriously cut back and reprioritise the various aspects of my life including socialising.

I just saw 383's comment about going back to work. I feel for you. This thought sickens me now that I've had this chance,

Totally. I accidentally planned in four things and had to cancel one as I was burned out. Pre COVID this would have been utopia for me, I loved socialising, but since slowing down, I've realised how much I love my own company. I do 2/3 hour walks a few times a week and I don't want to sacrifice them, they're amazing for my mental health. A similar minded friend said to me the other week "I have to see myself before I see anyone else" and it's such a nice way to think of it. You're spending time with you, and that's just as valuable.

*four things last week

Couldn't agree more. Pre lockdown I always felt over extended socially. I have a number of different groups of friends and I felt that I spread myself too thin. Post lockdown, like you, I'm in danger of feeling over whelmed. I've realised that there is one group of friends (that tend to generate lots of social fixtures) that I didn't miss at all in lockdown. I'm now making moves to distance myself much more from them and have already declined several events. Can you do any 'social pruning' along those lines OP?

It’s weird isn’t it the concept of a lot of leisure time is really quite modern for the masses. But people fill that leisure time increasingly with things to do. I know I’m an introvert and I also have anxiety, I do really like people but find them tiring and have been pleasing myself and turning stuff down for years.

I think social media has influenced and further pressured people a lot. The best holiday I ever had was hiring a canal boat, stopping at the occasional pub for food and playing board games. I have done many a fancy holiday but knowing yourself takes some time and accepting who you are goes a long way.

I used to go to a yoga class, the women were nice but by lesson three the inner sanctum of the group wanted me in their offshoot book club they also arranged lots of lunches after yoga.

People just tend to gravitate towards me though I would quite like to be left alone. It’s even the same in the online game I play, never have a problem getting a team together.