Worried about my antisocial, sad DC

[britespark1]

I have 3 DS aged 9, 8 & 7 and just so I’m not dripfeeding, DS8 was diagnosed with Autism last year so I’m vigilant regarding any additional needs.

DS7 has always been quite happy in his own company and doing his own thing, however lately is constantly telling me how annoying everyone else is, especially everyone in his class and how he hates school and doesn’t want to return in September. We have had a couple of play dates in the hope he will actually enjoy seeing friends but at the last one he actually kept hiding . We have also been to the park since they reopened and he actively avoids anyone he knows from school, sitting as far away as he possibly can on his own

I am torn between thinking this could be related to lockdown and it’s just that he has almost got used to not seeing people as much, or if it’s something else. He never seems happy and is very reluctant to talk to me (unless it’s about wrestling!)

My DSD has told me consistently since I met her that she hates school. She was loving lockdown, not having to do the homework that was being set, and said she didn't want to go back.

She was able to go back for a few days before the end of the year, and on her first day she really enjoyed it. I was so relieved! However, she has gone back to her usual 'I hate it' attitude now, which is so disappointing.

DP and I constantly encourage her with school, explaining that most children don't actually like school but she needs to go so that she can learn and have a bright future. I think this is the only reason she hasn't outright refused to go back (her older sister doesn't go to school and, supposedly, spends all day playing computer games, so if she refused to go her DM would not force her).

I have explained to her that I didn't like school either, but that it has enabled me to get the job that I wanted. She has loads of ideas for what she wants to do in the future and realises that she will need to study hard to get there. She, therefore, continues to go to school, even if she begrudges it!

Not sure if that is much help, but maybe worth just putting into conversation how helpful school is.

My 7yo had had rough phases with lockdown particularly around June time when life hadn't really changed in 3 months. He's cried at some points that he needs new friends. There were days when the weather was grotty that he would just lie on my bed, lethargically staring at the TV. He's also had phases of trying his luckwith being beligerent and rude.

Getting out to more varied places a couple of times a week, booking him in for a sports club and seeing friends a few times has perked him up significantly.

He's been fortunate to have DS (9) for company and DS (9) has been largely OK, he has ASD, so a quieter life with increased TV, minecraft and DS (7) to prattle at has met a lot of his needs. But DS2 needs more than that, and needs sport and more varied company. He has put up a wall about it making it harder to make arrangements to solve the problem.

Getting DS (7) into sports clubs is a regular summer holiday survival strategy to give DS (9) the chance of a quieter 1:1 day, and DS (7) the sport and social variation that he needs.

I think it's hard to judge anything at the moment, anything could, or could not be, a result of COVID/lockdown.

I'd keep an eye on him and reassess when he's been back at school a few weeks.

Thanks for your responses, I do appreciate them. It’s given me a couple of things to think about