Why does he do this?

[Ifawl]

DH has been in pain for 2 weeks. Pain in his leg. Pain in his back. Pain in his hand. Pain in his neck. He's not sure what the cause is but thinks different things for each pain - bad pillow, slipped on stairs etc. He yelps out as though it's total agony. Talks about it endlessly, giving me updates multiple times a day about how much pain he is in, it's better now that he's wearing a different top, or some other nonsense remedy. He expects absolute endless sympathy and availability to listen to him talk about it. But he hasn't been to the doctor!? It's utterly infuriating.

This evening he started to get off the sofa very slowly. He couldn't stand up so I asked if he needed help, what would he like me to do?etc. We tried various strategies to get him off the sofa but he wouldn't put his weight on me so I stood back and ended up just watching him writhe around in the floor, sturggling to his knees and then to his feet.

Honestly, it felt absolutely ridiculous and performative. All the loud groans of pain were almost anticipatory rather than actual pain he was experiencing.

He then started struggling up the stairs to bed. I was already up and I'm left wondering how on earth someone could let themselves get into such a state without seeking some medical advice.

If I don't sound sympathetic, it's because I'm not anymore. This is the latest in 10 years of some sort of physical ailment that he won't get checked at the gp.

And just to be absolutely clear, I think it is, at least a bit, put on. There is no way he'd be struggling odd the sofa or calling out in pain if we had guests over. No. Way.

Does he also have a dressing gown of doom, OP?

I feel for you, he's being a tool.

Do you suspect he's not in pain? Or that he's being dramatic? How old is he?

Ha! He should have a dressing gown of doom. It would suit him.

I suspect he has usual aches that most people our age get (mid 30s) and he is massively over dramatising the pain and the way it limits his movement. And I think that is the reason he's yet to do anything about it.

My Stepdad used to be like this. It was so cringe. He used to ask us to call the ambulance for any little thing and would be kneeling on the floor smacking it in apparent pain. I used to want the ground to swallow me up when it turned out to be bloody wind. He would refuse to change his diet though.

I’d be tempted to call his bluff. Next time you get such a performance I would tell him you’re calling an ambulance. If he was in so much pain he can’t mobilise himself he would need serious pain relief and investigation to make sure he doesn’t permanently disable himself.

Is he able to do fun stuff? Is he overweight?

I have fibromyalgia. The first movement after I've been sitting any length of time really hurts. Feet hurt, legs hurt, stairs are hell. Once I've warmed up again it's fine, I walk and move like a normal person. Going upstairs after sitting on the sofa all evening is a challenge. Ideally I don't sit down the whole evening, however if I'm too active it takes days to recover.

I didn't go to the GP for ages because I thought he'd tell me it was because I'm fat. I eventually went because my wrists hurt- I don't have fat wrists, and I do not hang about on monkey bars, so that at least can't be fat related!

One reason I'm overweight is because every time I tried to exercise I injured myself- so had to stop again.

He may be being over dramatic. He may have an underlying illness. He may be avoiding GP because he thinks he'll be accused of hypochondria.

Make a model of an Oscar and present it to him for best acting in the time of covid unless he has mental health issues in which don't, it'd be mean.

Does your DH have any kind of MH issues?
Mine has severe depression and health anxiety; I can't tell you how many times he has definitely had cancer, a growth or a degenerative disease that no Dr is qualified to diagnose, because they are all useless.

It's frustrating and stressful to say the least, and has cost us a good amount of money paying out for private consultants, only for him to be told again and again that there is nothing wrong. A lot of these pains and issues seem to coincide with a stressful patch in life and as soon as things get better, the pains all go away.

Thankfully, over the years I've managed to get him to the GP sooner than he would go to change his meds and he will calm down eventually.

It is tiring when you are expected to be sympathetic over every ache and pain, especially when a Dr has patiently explained there is nothing wrong, especially with a physical piece of evidence like a MRI to prove it. You have my sympathies.

Does he take painkillers? I’m terrible for being in pain and not taking paracetamol. Dh point blank refuses to offer any sympathy until I’ve taken a paracetamol. Because after stretching and a bit of a massage if your still in pain you take the pain killers. I’m not even sure why I resist taking them but it’s ridiculous not to take basic steps to take care of your health.
If he’s not taking a painkiller he’s wallowing for no reason.

I'd film him and show him how utterly ridiculous he looks.
I'd have absolutely no patience with nonsense like this, and I'd find it very hard to fancy him.

@Ifawl

Ha! He should have a dressing gown of doom. It would suit him.

I suspect he has usual aches that most people our age get (mid 30s) and he is massively over dramatising the pain and the way it limits his movement. And I think that is the reason he's yet to do anything about it.

Jeezus!! Aches & pains of the mid 30's 😂 unless you have an extremely physical job or a chronic medical condition the pair of you should be not too far off peak condition.