How should I reply to this message?

[ItsASunnyDayinBalamory]

Just messaged my sister and admitted to her that for the last few months I’ve been struggling with mental health issues. I’ve never had issues before, but she knows lockdown, for lots of reasons, has been really hard for me.

Her response was ‘that’s not good’ and a sad face. I don’t know what I expected, but it was more than that.

Any ideas on how to respond? I don’t know if I should just ignore her or tell her I’m upset. I’m kicking myself for telling her. I think I knew deep down that she wouldn’t care. She has made so much effort to keep in touch with people during lockdown. Except me. My place at the bottom of the family pile is one of the reasons I’m struggling.

It sounds like you told the wrong person. Is there someone you can talk to who would be more supportive. I understand why you told her, but sometimes we choose the people who hurt us most to try and make us feel better, but it never does.

This is true type of response I would have sent if you’d messaged that to me. My way of being sympathetic but not overstepping or offering you my 2p worth on what you should do Incase I overstepped. I would probably have followed it up with “anything I can do to help?” Though. I would reply something along the lines of “No, t ally not good. I was wondering whether i should see my gp. What do you think?”

Perhaps reply “have you got time for a chat?”

It is too easy to misconstrue someone’s meaning using text, and it is really not a suitable medium for discussing something as sensitive and complex as mental health issues.

The* not true
And really not t ally** sorry for the typos. 🙈

Deborah, you are so right. I didn’t realise that until you wrote it, but yes, she has really hurt me, so probably she’s the last person I ought to confide in.

I think I’ll probably just ignore her message. Can’t imagine she’ll care enough to follow it up anyway.

It may be that she doesn’t know how to respond rather than she doesn’t care? Sometimes these conversations are difficult by text. Maybe arrange to go for a coffee and a chat?

I honestly don’t think she cares. The last time we were supposed to meet, she said she’d come to me. She messaged me when she was already 2 hours late to say she’d been caught up with a friend but she might still be able to come later.

Not saying this is the reason who knows, but that's probably the response you would get from someone who has been really struggling themselves.

It sort of depends on the context - she may have been expecting you to reply and expand, rather than being an attempt to shut down the conversation.
But you know your sister

The thing about texting is you can’t judge the tone
Like someone else said you know your sister

If this was a convo between my sister and me I’d follow it up with ‘fancy a coffee?’
However if you think she’s brushing you off then maybe confide in another friend

I’m sorry your having a tough time op

Reply with explains you’d love to have a chat with her if FaceTime one day this week. Everyone has own issues. I’m struggling with MH too, feel free to check my previous posts. I think we expect our sisters to be there for us like they show on films but remember you sometimes need to be extra obvious what u need as not everyone will be as empathetic as we would like.

I can sometimes really struggle with what to say to people when they open up to me more so because I don’t want to say anything that hurts them more. I think she could have said something like let me know if you need anything though.
As a pp said you know your sister. Is she the type that would usually say more? Or is she a bit awkward with the right thing to say?

Does she suffer with MH issues, or having a tough time at the moment?
This could be why she’s a bit short with you.

I wouldnt reply back.. I have a sister like.. pretends to care but obviously doesnt give a sh*t

Honestly she probably doesn't know what to say. Also depends on what kind of "issues" you've been experiencing - she may not be able to empathise with whatever these were or maybe considers them things she would just have been able to get on with and therefore doesn't understand why you are saying it has affected your MH. Maybe she's been experiencing a worse time than you lately but just hasn't said anything to you. Lots of reasons really