Parents disagreeing over medical/ dental treatment

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Hello there, I am looking for some advice for my partner. He has a nine-year old son with his ex-wife. They share the care of their son 50/50, and all costs are equally split. My partner and his ex are not on speaking terms and this arrangement was organized by a mediator.

Luckily, the son has no health problems. However, over the years, the mother has often booked doctors/ dentists appointments without informing my partner. My partner wants to be present during any appointments so that he can hear what the doctor/ dentist is saying 1st hand. He doesn't always trusts his ex's point of view (and with good reason).

A few years ago, my partner's ex tried to get the dentist to straighten up a tooth. She did this without informing my partner that the appointment even existed. Luckily, the dentist refused as there was nothing wrong with the tooth.

More recently, the ex has been trying to get braces for the boy. Again, she did this without informing my partner that this was happening. He only found out because she started asking him for money (the braces will be part of private dental treatment apparently).

Anyway, my partner is very angry about this. He wants to hear direct from the dentist whether his son really needs braces, or if the mother is pushing it. He is hopefully going to speak to the dentist tomorrow.

Is there anyway we can force the dentists/ doctors to inform my partner of any future appointments before they happen?

I should think so. My son had a bad breakup and the dr e mails my son to keep him updated.

If it is private then he might not 'need' braces but virtually every teenager has braces at some point, much more so than when I was young so if his teeth are slightly wonky he might look different and self conscious. If it is medically necessary/ important then it is available on NHS but can be accessed (about a year) sooner if you pay. That is not to say that your partner should have to pay if it is not medically necessary but his son might not appreciate it if he prevents the treatment which his ex wants to arrange.

Your partner wants to attend every dental check up? The animosity between the parents will damage their child.

As far as I'm aware medical/dental issues require the consent of one person with PR not everyone with PR.

Your dh attended appoints with his ex sounds unreasonable and unfair to his ds, and likely to make it very stressful.

Even a private orthodontist won't put braces on for no reason.

Surely 9 years old is a bit soon for braces? Not enough adult teeth through to work on I would have thought. And both parents attending normal dental appointments sounds like overkill, with good dental hygiene these should be about checking up on his teeth/cleaning advice etc, not actually having to do treatment. If he is needing fillings at every appointment then both parents have done a poor job.

This sounds a bit OTT. I'm not sure that any dentist would do treatment that wasn't necessary on a child. Also your DP wants to know about every single appointment? Unless she is negligent or harming the child in some way, and I assume there'd be a court order if that was the case, it all sounds very controlling

My question really isn't about braces. Perhaps I shouldn't have done, but I changed a few details so that my scenario wasn't identifiable. It isn't actually braces that my partner's ex is saying, it's something else.

Anyway, my partner likes to be present during his son's medical appointments as his ex wife has a history of lying. She has lied both to my partner and to medical professionals. He can never trusts the information she relays, so he likes to hear any updates direct from the doctor/ nurse/ dentist. I don't think that's unreasonable? My partner works in the medical field and his ex does not.

Obviously there's a lot more to the story and history that what I've given hear. I'm sorry, but my partner has a good reason to be concerned about any medical treatment his ex wife is pushing onto the child. A few years ago, she went to three different doctors to try and get a specific drug prescribed for my step son (which all the doctors said he didn't need). It was heartbreaking for my partner as there was little he could do about it.

My DH ex is like this. She told us their son had been diagnosed with autism. He made an appt with the gp to discuss it as we had not noticed anything untoward in his sons behaviour. The gp was very diplomatic and it was clear he didn't agree either and said DH been invited to the assessments. Turns out she had passed off her new partner as dad and eventually admitted she had also lied about the diagnosis. It's left his son with very low self esteem and anxiety.

@annonymousse

My DH ex is like this. She told us their son had been diagnosed with autism. He made an appt with the gp to discuss it as we had not noticed anything untoward in his sons behaviour. The gp was very diplomatic and it was clear he didn't agree either and said DH been invited to the assessments. Turns out she had passed off her new partner as dad and eventually admitted she had also lied about the diagnosis. It's left his son with very low self esteem and anxiety.

Oh wow. I am so sorry to hear that. That sounds like awful behaviour.

Does anyone have any knowledge/ expertise to share? My partner still isn't sure of what his rights are here.