Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

Original poster

leave LB with grandparents or NOT?

11 replies

Nemma96 · 03/08/2020 19:05

Its my birthday this Friday, the inlaws came to see my LB today (hes nearly 6 and a half months) and sprung on me they would take him for a few hours while me and my OH go for a dinner, my OH agreed this would be good as he wants time together. I said i will let them know but when they left they jokely said they cant wait to have my LB Friday.

Now I know most people would jump at this but I dont know if i want to be away from my LB. My plans was to go for a meal with my LB aswell, i dont think I'm ready to be away from my LB and dont know if i would enjoy my time away from him. My OH said I should let his dad and step mum have him and have fun.

They've not really seen my LB either and I don't think his stepmum was as happy as his dad was about having him.

I really don't know what to do. Would you go for a meal just with your OH or go with my LB aswell? So nervous and confused

OP posts:

VenusClapTrap · 03/08/2020 19:07

He isn’t a new born; he’ll be just fine. Go and enjoy a grown up lunch where you and your Dh can focus on each other for a change. It doesn’t need to be for long.

lloe7 · 03/08/2020 19:19

I didn't leave my first for a few hours until he was about 10 months, and my second wasn't until she was about 15 months. If you don't feel comfortable with it, don't do it. It's your birthday OP, you get to decide what you do, not your in-laws or your husband. Plenty of time to go out with your husband when you feel comfortable with it and can completely enjoy it :)

Original poster

Nemma96 · 04/08/2020 09:41

@VenusClapTrap I know hes not a newborn anymore but he hasn't left my sight at all in the 6 months of his life and I just dont feel ready. I don't think I will be able to enjoy myself which is the whole the point if I was to leave him.

@lloe7 I really dont think I am comfortable with it. My OH has mentioned it a few times since yesterday he said he has 50/50 PR so it's not just upto me and he can take him to his dads all he wants. Now worrying that they all might ruin my day by not accepting my choice. I dont see why I should be away from him if I dont need to be.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

lloe7 · 04/08/2020 15:06

@Nemma96 That's not very nice of him at all- really out of order actually. If you're not comfortable with leaving your baby than he should respect that, it sounds like he just wants to please his dad. I had a lot of grief from my partners dad and stepmum when my son was a baby, actually when he was 6 months the step mum told me that "it's been a whole six months and people are feeling very frustrated that you haven't allowed anyone to have quality, one to one bonding time with him without you" My partner sided with me, explained to his dad that I didn't feel comfortable leaving him while he was still such a tiny baby and he would be welcome anytime to visit with all of us.
Just so you know- just because your child's dad has 50/50 parental rights, that doesn't mean your child's grandad does. If your child is left with someone other than the other parent then you have every legal right to go and collect the baby even if the other parent has given permission for them to have the baby.
Your baby would be happier with you, your baby can't speak up for himself so you need to do the speaking for him. Put your foot down and say no.

Original poster

Nemma96 · 04/08/2020 15:52

@lloe7 I know he shouldnt of said what he said and should respected how I feel, I do think it is to please his dad. I dont understand why people try and rush mothers to leave their babies, even if i don't want to leave him until I go back to work I think its my choice. No one has a right to say when babiea should be left. Im like you, ive offered them to come and see him whenever they want but they don't ever come, yesterday was the first time since he was 6weeks old.

I know my OH cant just give my baby to his dad and then thats that. My OH just assumes I will let him do this as he thinks being on the birth certificate means he can do what he wants. I've decide my LB is staying with my until I'm ready to let someone else have him. Thank you for your kind words

OP posts:

Bitchinkitchen · 04/08/2020 15:58

It sounds like your OH is trying to tell you that he needs some actual quality time with you, and just managing it badly. The first year with a baby can be hell on a relationship and it is really important that you make the effort with your partner, if you want it to last.

Also, no one ever feels ready to leave their baby, but waiting til they're older makes it more likely they'll have separation anxiety than if theyre used to having a bit of time away from you on a regular basis.

CurbsideProphet · 04/08/2020 16:03

Why would your partner say something as cold as "well I'm on the birth certificate and that means I can take the baby anywhere I want"? That's not something you say to your partner. If he wanted "quality time" with you he could have just said "I thought it would be nice for the two of us to go out for dinner together."

Bitchinkitchen · 04/08/2020 16:08

@CurbsideProphet

Well, OP's partner did say that he wanted to have dinner as he wanted to have time together. And he's right, as a fully resident parent on the birth certificate, he has just as many rights to the child as OP does. It certainly wasn't the nicest way he could say it, but if he's being overruled when it comes to his own child and feeling disconnected from his partner then i can see why he might have said it. Fathers aren't second-class citizens, mothers do not get the final say.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 04/08/2020 16:09

What about leaving him for an hour to grab a coffee or a drink (assuming they live close enough to somewhere you could do that) and see how you feel? Your OH is being crass talking about PR, but it does sound as if he’d love to spend some time alone with you on your birthday- and that’s not a bad thing.

If you’re not ready to leave your DS for even a hour, fair enough, but it’s worth considering.

Original poster

Nemma96 · 04/08/2020 19:24

@Bitchinkitchen I've read your reply and I completely understand that my OH wants some quality time together as just a couple. I know relationships go through a lot once a baby arrives which our relationship has, we wasnt perfect before we got pregnant and throughout pregnancy they was alot of promise that he has not kept to, such as helping with night feeds and stuff. But I should add he already had MH issues and has got worse since our LB arrived and has not left the house in a good few months.

I have actually spoke with my OH this evening and he understands my anxiety and I understanf his now aswell, (with it being the first time going out then with a baby adding extra stress).

He has agreed to let me think about things properly but still hoping I let his dad watch him. Im going to think over the next few days and hopefully I'll be able to leave him for atleast an hour but I don't know yet

OP posts:

Original poster

Nemma96 · 04/08/2020 19:27

@CurbsideProphet @AmICrazyorWhat2 yes what my OH said was out off order as he needs to understand that we both make the decision not just him.

Hes dad lives nowhere near anywhere close enough to just pop for a coffee or drink but we have spoke about going somewhere thats 15minutes in a taxi then if I'm needed his dad can drive to us or we can get a taxi back.

I'm just so nervous and got so much to think about, I want to enjoy my birthday but also need to think about my OH's feelings aswell

OP posts:

Flip