Has anyone ever totally changed who they are? I need to stop being boring and lazy.

[YellowEllis]

I just feel really miserable with who I am. Not how I look, but who I am as a person. I don't really feel like I even know who I am, I feel like I'm just sort of existing and I don't make an effort to enjoy things.

I'm a 25 year old mum, it happened younger than I expected but I love him and I'm grateful for him. I sort of hoped when I found out I was having him that this is what would change me, but it hasn't, I still feel unmotivated and like I'm just drifting through my life.

I have a part time job, it pays well but it's shit. It's unskilled. I have no degree or passions whatsoever, I'd love to find a job I actually enjoy, or dare I say a career. But how? Nothing interests me. I'm just boring and disconnected.

I'm getting married in just over 6 months, and I haven't even started planning. I don't even feel excited. I just feel, you guessed it, flat. Lazy. Disconnected.

I have a few friends, but I'm useless. I feel like I have nothing to talk about. I don't make the effort to meet up or talk half as much as I should, I get a lot of jokes about how I'm crap at replying to texts, again, lazy. To a fault.

I'm at home 5 days a week with my son. I try and get up and play with him but honestly I'd rather just lie on the sofa all day. Lazy. So fucking lazy. Every nap he goes down for I'll go to clean the house, or get into work out clothes just to sit my lazy arse on the sofa. Like I am right now.

Lazy to a fault. Boring. No passions. No interests. Nothing going for me. An amazing son I can't seem to even appreciate because I just can't be arsed. What is wrong with me? Why am I like this? How the fuck can I sort myself out? Its a miracle I'm not obese. I eat absolute shit and do nothing, no exercise, no hobbies. I'm blessed with a good metabolism so I stay size 8 but I can't be healthy. I don't eat well, I don't even drink water.

Honesty I detest everything I've written. I want to be happy, motivated, fit. I want to enjoy every second with my son. I want interests and hobbies and something to feel passionate about. I want good strong friendships where I can just be myself and not be so distant. I want a job I look forward to going to, I'd even go back to college or uni if I could think of something I cared enough about. I just don't want to be so boring and lazy. I have days where I tell myself the only thing that has to change is my mindset, but it's like a hurdle I can't get past, I can't stick with it.

Are you getting enough sleep?
Have you had a blood test recently?
You could have some deficiency.

Go out every day. Make a list of places you can go to like local parks or looking at ducks, a visit to a friend or relative.
It can become a vicious cycle in that the less you do, the less you want to do. You need to force yourself out of it.
Sometimes, when you go for long walks, it helps to think things through.

Hi old is your son? Could you possibly have post natal depression? It is hard to get motivated especially at the moment when it's so easy to stay inside and not go out with the pandemic being a legitimate excuse to not have to socialise etc. Try setting yourself little goals, the organised mum method on instagram is good she suggests doing 1/2 hour housework a day. I struggle to stay motivated once I have started so if I am cleaning a room I will work my way around it so if I get fed up I can stop easier!
I struggle to get motivated to go out but I just have to push myself to go, I am fine once I am out there.

I was thinking you sound depressed, usually people have some interest in life especially their own wedding.

Is anyone putting these thoughts in your head?. Did you you used to be interested in life.