Did I do the right thing confronting a racist shouty man?

[Hileni]

We were at the zoo queing up to ride on a miniature train. It's a maximum of 7 groups on the train to allow for social distancing, so each carriage has alternating compartments of people and then no one to adhere to SD. The rule is 1 person can que on behalf of the whole group so that the others can wait by the lake in the shade.

To clarify, it dosn't matter if you have 2 people or 12 people in your group. Only 7 groups can get on this train. As each group gets its own compartment.

The train pulled in and a big group of people started to make their way to the qué saying excuse me as 1 of their group was at the front. This didn't sit well with a couple of the families in front of me. One man was very aggressive and shouting at the group. Saying how they have been queing for ages and it's not fair and how they're not social distancing because they had to get past him in the qué to get to the front now. He was really aggressive.

I had a traumatic upbringing and was abused by men so I find confronting anyone, especially a man really really intimidating. But I did and I'm so bloody proud of myself. I calmly explained the rule. He started screaming at me about 'no it's cause of they're not social distancing and "they walked this close to my daughter and if we all catch covid' blah blah blah". I calmly said that if he was this concerned about someone passing by him, why has he come to the zoo? He didn't like this. He got really shouty and so I just kept talking, in a normal voice about how you'd need someone to talk at you for 15 mins to be at risk and not walking past you in a qué and how 'wouldn't it be better if the zoo had a gate at the top to let people in there and not through the qué of people'. He didnt like that so started screaming 'im here with my daughter, you've got a son' pointing at my toddler DS. I told him to calm down which he really didn't like, he shouted so quick and his partner joined in I have no idea what they said as it's a bit of a blur now but I caught 'dont tell me to calm down, yeah!' And 'i own my own business and had to buy ppe' 'yeah! Right then so stop talking'

So I didn't say anything else because nothing i could say would have calmed him down but I regret not saying more. I was scared at the time but have courage now! I wish I could have stared him out and said why as a man do you feel the need to scream and shout at me, a woman and child, in a zoo because someone got to ride the train before you. And repeat over and over to 'calm down' or something.

Anyway, the train left with a big group so the people closer to the front of the qué left as they didn't want to wait any longer. They walked past shouty man who didn't say a word. I'm so angry now because those people who walked past him were all white but the large group at the start were Asian so he was only concerned about social distancing from the Asian family.

I wanted to say 'oh, not worried about SD when white people walk past you then no?' but then I would have started an argument with an already aggressive man.

The management came over and I explained how it was racially motivated. When the train pulled back in, the large family from the start came over and said thank you for sticking up for them. I apologised that it happened in the first place and wished them well.

My DH says I should have got involved cause people are so unpredictable and only last week someone got stabbed at Thorpe park. I said that I wanted DS to stand up for what right in the world so I should model it but I am worried he could have attacked my DS or me if he was a crazy person. You just don't know.

My anxiety is going crazy. This was 4 hours ago, we've since come home had tea and put DS to bed but I'm still in fight/flight mode. I did the right thing didn't I? I can't believe I confronted a man. My hands are still shaking. I'm really proud of myself even though I have that annoying feeling of hindsight where I wish I'd said 'this and that' at the time but didn't. I'm in two minds in if I'd speak up if I saw this again in the future as I feel really anxious that I'm 'in trouble'

Also the man can't have a go at people leaving the line, he can't expect people to stay if they dont want to that's a really good point Mads, thank you

@SorenLorensonsInvisibleFriend that has made me cry. Thank you so much for such wise words

@Notredamn ^You saying to him 'why did you come to a zoo if you're bothered about social distancing?' (paraphrased) was a smart arse remark as most people do abide by the rules in public and probably expect others to. Just because you kept your voice low doesn't mean you weren't winding him up.
Provoking volatile people in public isn't the wisest thing to do^

I don't feel I was provokng, winding him up or making a smart asked remark because I only asked him if he was so concerned (to the point of screaming) about SD, why he came to the zoo after I explained the lining up rule to him.

I feel as if lining up system wasn't a valid enough reason to be angry after the explanation so it then became about SD. He got so angry and aggressive by people walking past him for a split second... It's funny how he was still visibilly fuming about the situation when numurous white families walked past him less than 2 minutes later, breaking SD, but he didn't say a thing to them.

I feel like if I then challenged him on why he didn't kick off at the lack of SD from the white families and called him out on his racism, that would have been provoking him... Baiting the bear so to speak.

Someone did get stabbed outside thorpe park, but it was gang related. I assume you were at Drayton Manor.
Pulling teens up on their behaviour when their parents aren't there is part of everyone's social responsibility. They don't learn otherwise.
You did the right thing.

@Hileni so were you expecting a reasonable response from him when you asked him why he'd come to a zoo if he was so bothered, given how wound up he already was? Hmm. And he had already been vocal about being pissed off about the lack of social distancing, so he wouldn't necessarily keep repeating himself every time it happened especially since he had someone trying to argue with him about risks keeping him occupied.

@Notredamn I"m struggling to understand your point, can you try to explain again?

No, just read it again if you'd like. I think you were being a smart arse to him and you think you weren't. It's ok. Different opinions.

@Hileni you a good thing and thank you for doing it. Many people would have never opened their mouths and stuck up for that family.

Maybe he didn’t have a go at them because he didn’t want to get in an argument with you again? Perhaps what you said gave him pause for thought. .... I mean, I doubt it but we can hope!

I’m somewhat of a hot head, generally a nice person but I cannot stand to see someone throwing their weight about. I did not have the life experience you did so I unfortunately have no fear confronting anyone. I rely on being a nice middle class white woman to not get thumped (which I know is no defence).

My point is I always feel the same after confronting someone, particularly when it gets into screaming and prolonged contact afterwards like you experienced. It’s the adrenaline, it floods your body and can take a while to work through your system.

Everyone that heard you in the queue will be thinking about it. And more people than not will be glad you said something.