New neighbours - how should thus be handled?

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

I’d like to preface this by pointing out that my mum is currently recovering from lymphoma and her last round of chemo plus we are living in an area that has just been subjected to further restrictions so feeling a bit raw

I haven’t seen my parents since Christmas due to the shielding/chemo issue. Was hoping that - with precautions and with medical advice - we could see my parents in September but that is probably out the window now due to these most recent restrictions as I think they would be too anxious immediately once they are lifted so I feel very sad about all this

We had new neighbours who moved in yesterday. We have 3 young DC and they appear to as well. DH was taking the milk in this morning and ended up speaking to them. We are in two detached houses so they were far enough distanced to be fair. DH was caught on the hop. The husband of the neighbour said to him that the would come over (at some unspecified time) to introduce themselves and meet us properly. DH said that would be fine

I am really quite cross about this. We have new restrictions in place locally. I do not want people coming over. They cannot come into the house and if they don’t stand an appropriate distance away, then I will be the one who no doubt needs to say something as DH is always Mr Nice Guy. To me, this could have been be quite easily resolved by saying that obviously we have the new restrictions now but once they are lifted fine, come over. We can sort out a time that suits us both - ie don’t turn up randomly

DH thinks this is totally unreasonable of me, that I being over anxious, that what I suggested would have been more appropriate is rude and will not countenance that this could have been handled differently or that I may actually prioritise seeing my parents over accommodating the neighbours. I feel it’s yet another thing I need to sort out. He is going on and on about how the children can all play together in due course which I will be stuck hosting no doubt as he will be at work. I don’t want that either as I want to be able to quarantine me and the DC if needs be during the hols if it would make my parents more comfortable with visiting and don’t want this added complication of managing easily accessible children next door (our DC are all under 7 so not quite as clear about quarantining etc as older ones) whilst DH hypes them up about this as he has been doing all day

I am also cross as the new neighbour apologised in advance as they are very loud and DH said that was “fine” so carte blanche from us for them to as noisy as you like 🙈

I am feeling very fed up at the moment with COVID, with life generally and am missing our lovely old neighbours who were so considerate and we could have little chats with but never imposed themselves so we had a very cordial relationship without being overly friendly

I think you are reading FAR too much into a general chat with a normal comment.

Especially when you start thinking about hosting the children while your H is at work!

If they come over just go into the garden, stand away front them and have a brief chat. There’s no point getting off on the wrong foot with new neighbours.

You're reading far too much into this, they were just being friendly.

Yes - I probably am. I am feeling very fed up at the moment - like most people to be fair.

I don’t want to get off on the wrong foot - we have always got on really well with all our neighbours and one of our last ones is one of my best friends. I probably have been affected a bit by one of my other very good friends who can’t keep the neighbours children out if her garden - they shout over the fence to her children if they can’t come round. Much to her and my horror

If I were your DH I'd be saying the same. Absolutely nothing your DH did was wrong. Likely the neighbours are good sorts who get the guidance and will act accordingly.

I can see that you're upset and cross about not seeing your folks, that sucks, but as to the rest you really are making mountains.

It sounds like your DH is the problem not your neighbours yet... They might just be being polite. He's the one that's super enthusiastic about the kids playing together. Talk about mixed messages... You really need to make it clear as a family to your neighbours whether you intend to blank them in the street, be best buds or something in between.

If you want to keep them out of your house/garden without being openly rude, tell them your children have hand, foot and mouth disease. That should do the trick for at least six weeks (though they might think you've been breaking the rules 🙄...).

We definitely wouldn't blank them - no question of that.

Yes - I agree I may have a DH problem and am over thinking. . I am still a bit cross about the loud comment but we’ll need to see how that pans out.

managing easily accessible children next door

Why don't you get your DH to suggest they re-home them?

I think you are looking to be annoyed about something, to be honest.