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The moment you realise a friendship is over

4 replies

Tazz34 · 01/08/2020 10:33

NC so as not to link to my other posts.

Im feeling a bit let down after the end of one of my longest friendships - just wondering if anyone else has experienced similar.

Basically I had someone who I considered my best friend for most of my life. We weren’t as close in the last few years, just because of work, kids, different lives etc, but we still chatted a lot and met up fairly regularly.

Then last year I went through something very traumatic (two second trimester miscarriages in six months) and almost overnight she just disappeared from my life, even when I told her I was struggling and asked for more support.

I tried to speak to her again about it this week - My last attempt to the to possibly save the friendship, and instead of apologising or even being nice, she just gaslighted me. Made me feel like I was being ridiculous. Lots of “I’m sorry you feel that way”, but never acknowledging the pain I’ve been through. Trying to make out like we just drifted apart, when in reality it was almost like an overnight dramatic shift, where suddenly she made me feel like being around me or speaking to me made her uncomfortable.

So now I’m feeling a bit sad, like now I have a friendship to grieve as well as my babies. I feel silly that I tried to save a friendship and made myself look so bitter, when she made it clear she doesn’t care about me.

Has anyone else gone through such a dramatic end to a long term friendship? Please share your stories to make me feel a bit less alone!

OP posts:
Billyjoearmstrong · 01/08/2020 10:46

I’m so sorry for your losses.

I think sometimes people just don’t know what to say and just really fuck things up because of that.

Saying that I’ve had the same situation. An operation that I had slim chances of getting though. One friend kept making jokes about adopting my child if I died and making sure
I had lots of sex now incase I snuffed it. A few more ‘jokes’ about the op and my possible death and it all got a bit much.

I couldn’t continue the friendship after that.

sideorderofchips · 02/08/2020 16:05

Yes. Around the point she starting coming onto my husband and messaging him constantly and inviting herself round to ours or him to hers for coffees.

That was a complete cut off moment.

BlueSwathesChoose · 02/08/2020 16:15

I had a very loing term friendship and when we decided to put DS1 (who has ASD) into a fee paying school because it suited him (smaller class sizes and a dedicated TA) she got really angry about it and called me a Tory shill and said she could not possibly be a friend with someone with such dubious morals.

She does not have children, and never enquired about our reasoning.

It hurt very badly. It was also about 6 years ago and it still hurts. I tried to make things better by inviting her to things and continuining the friendhsip, but it was over. 15 years friendship down the drain, merely because I made choices i thought were best for my child. It hurt alot.

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AliceinBunnyland · 02/08/2020 16:31

OP I had a similar experience to you. I had lost a baby at full term last year. Someone I was friends with for more than ten years contacted me at the time (text and maybe card to say sorry) but then I didn't hear from her for about 3 months. I messaged her to ask how she is and she replied saying she hasn't been in touch as she didn't want to intrude and by the way she is pregnant and didn't want to upset me. I replied congratulating her and saying she wouldn't have been intruding by contacting me and she replied then but I didn't hear from her again for another few months. I then contacted her saying I was really disappointed that even after I contacted her last time and made clear I didn't want to just be ignored she still couldn't even send a text message and she made excuses about how she didn't want to upset me with her pregnancy but the stupid thing was she didn't even ask me how I was before telling me that so it all just sound like she didn't care and we haven't spoken for nearly a year.

I think it's true that it's at times like these that you realise who your friends are. I realise people don't know what to say or whether to give you space but if you contact them and they still can't be bothered then they are not worth it.

We weren't best friends but she was in my closest five friends probably, at one a other's weddings, and tbh I was more angry than anything but I think there is a lot of anger in grief.

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