I know I'm being over sensitive and should just move on

[Grottyfeet]

And I will but can others honestly say this wouldn't bother them at all?

Since we've been allowed, I've been meeting up for a small group outdoor activity once a week. The others are people I know through the hobby, people I'd count as friends but am not particularly close to, we don't meet up apart from to do the hobby IYSWIM.

Anyway, this week a few of the regulars couldn't make it and there were just two of us. 45 mins before we planned to meet I got a message to say her DC was ill and she wouldn't be able to come. These things happen, I sent a message wishing her DD well.

As I was on my own, I went to a different location to we planned, closer to home. When I got there, she was in the car park with a different group of people we know through the hobby.

I don't know why she preferred their company or why she didn't suggest we amalgamated groups, in view of the small numbers, but I was hurt by it. I have some stuff going on atm that means I can get easily upset but I'm sure most people would be a bit put out at this?

FWIW she returned my wave but we didn't speak (TBF I didn't approach her as I didn't trust myself to be polite) and she hasn't been in touch since.

She's not a friend, OP. God knows why she couldn't have told you beforehand that the others would be there and you two could join them. I would never treat her as a friend again.

I know, but I risk alienating myself from the group. They're not the kind of friends to rely on for me anyway (I do have some but not in this hobby group) but I do enjoy having some people to do this activity with.

Are there any other separate groups who do this hobby? You could look at joining a completely new group.

There are other groups but there's a lot of overlap and people tend to know everyone. This is a popular woman, active in many groups. I've always found her pleasant and if she'd just said this week she was going with a different group, I think I'd have been fine. TBH the other group is probably closer to her ability than I am. It's the lying I hate, but the fact that I won't tolerate lying has got be into trouble before

Sorry OP, that sucks. I don't see why people can't just be honest, even if it's uncomfortable, and it's not to protect others feelings, it to avoid having to deal with the consequences of their choices. Is there another club or another group of people you can join for your hobby? It's up to you how you feel about it, if it was me I would message just saying you wish she could be honest and you saw her, and leave it at that.

She knows I saw her, I waved as I pulled into the car park and she waved back.

I know I'm being wet but I really don't want to make an issue of it. She's a very attractive woman and this is a heavily male dominated activity, especially at my level, if I do say so myself She's someone who has fought her own demons and is very public about her fragile mental health. This seems to mean men people accept any poor behaviour, if I pick a fight with her, I know how people will side. Which is fine, I don't need anything emotionally from them, just a bit of company to do the activity.

How do you find out about events? Is there an online group with announcements, or do people just text/email each other or what? Is there another online announcement group you could join to find out about these other events that you weren't invited to?

That's the thing atm tectonic, the clubs still aren't operating officially. Members are able to get together in small private groups but we are asked not to use any of the club channels to organise it.

So, you have to either arrange a group or join a group you hear about. I have learned the the club is much more cliquey than I realised and also that I probably need to make more effort to form attachments.

The group I joined has been working well, it's only that a few people are away. I don't want to be involved in lots of groups because that would risk me being the flaky one.

She's probably embarrassed that you bumped into her. From what you say about her mental state and the way others are likely to react, I would just be 'the bigger person' and move on without mentioning this incident. However, I'd mark her in my mind as someone not to be relied on and wouldn't bother consulting her about any future activities.