Have you ever regretted breaking up with someone?

[Lelophants]

Because you weren't quite sure if they were 'right?'

I was talking about this with my friend as she can't work out what to do. Almost 30 and desperate for marriage and kids and has been with this guy 5 years. He's nice enough and wants marriage and kids too, but she's not quite sure he's 'right'. There are little niggles. He doesnt always have the same other goals as her (is a bit dull) and she can feel like she's pushing to get out and about. But this can be linked to low mood, but then she wonders is it really low mood or how he always is? He can be akward around her friends and act a bit self centred as he doesnt make much effort with them or her family. She's never really liked his friends. But then he's generally kind, supports her and buys her nice things etc. (I'd argue the buying things doesn't mean much, but he's pretty thoughtful in what he gets her). I told her I have really no idea as it's her relationship and only she can know!

She goes from thinking he's a decent catch and that he can just be a bit low and gets things wrong sometimes but nobody's perfect, to thinking they are so ill-suited and he just pays lip service to try and keep her happy.

I know people can regret being with the wrong person too long. Anyone here regretted a break up where they was nothing horribly wrong?

I think her fear is that if she ends it she might not find someone else. And that maybe she's expecting too much.

Hello,
Yes me!. The biggest mistake I ever made was leaving my ex and it haunts me most days. I’m 11 months on, 8 months since I moved out. He met someone 4 weeks later, was on holiday 6 weeks later and I now believe she’s met all his family. He’s never admitted this new relationship and always says weirdly he doesn’t want to hurt me. All he’s ever said is he’s been on a couple of dates but it’s going well and she makes him happy. I think my regret comes from potentially why he’s able to lie so freely

She's not expecting too much. The seeds of longterm unhappiness are sown by women's low expectations of their partners, the sunk cost fallacy, and their socially-mandated tendency to silence the inner voice that says 'This man is boring as fuck, and, left to himself, would probably spend his life on the sofa welded to the remote.' Your friend is only in her 20s!

In answer to your question, no. Only regret not breaking up with one or two sooner.

No. I have felt sad, but I have never regretted ending a relationship.

Interesting! This is what I was sort of thinking @OxenoftheSun but wouldn't want her to end it and regret it.

Oh @Lacey2019 :( how come you ended it?

I always feel like if you are unsure enough to end it then that's a reason. But then I am lucky with my dh so easy enough to say but not experience.

Yes

@Lelophants

Interesting! This is what I was sort of thinking *@OxenoftheSun* but wouldn't want her to end it and regret it.

Oh @Lacey2019 :( how come you ended it?

We had just drifted @Lelophants and it was mutual. But 4 weeks on he was with someone he met on a stag do and he’s still with her. He’s told me I’ll never find out so she is...he hasn’t put up anything they’ve done as he doesn’t want to hurt me...but I need to prepare myself to see a picture of them both. It’s very weird. I also need to leave a door open for him and a friendship...

Never, deeply regretted starting and staying in a few though.

I have ended a few relationships for this exact reason. I have never felt regret. I don't want to spend my long term relationship feeling not quite 'right' or not just 'there' iykwim

I regret one, he was a friend with benefits for me although he wanted a relationship. it wasn't something I was ready for at the time so I ended as it didn't feel to continue sleeping with him. We remained friends for a while till we drifted apart as it became awkward.
If I could go back in time I would take the relationship leap as he was a lovely man and I missed out. Of course it could have ended badly but I'll never know now.
I wouldn't admit to it at time but he was my first love.

Never regretted anything. If you end a relationship it means something wasn't right. I've looked back at relationships and wondered what they would have turned out like but I think that's a case of rose tinted glasses and was only temporary. Even when they have been the one to end the relationship and I've been sad at the time, it makes me glad that I didn't end up with those guys because it led me to where I am today and from the lessons learned I'm now in a better relationship.

He can be akward around her friends and act a bit self centred as he doesnt make much effort with them or her family. She's never really liked his friends.

These are two massive red flags. He makes no effort with her family and friends. She doesn't like his friends.

If she wants a happy life, she needs to find someone with similar goals and who is kind and thoughtful to her friends and family, and who has friends she enjoys being with.

She should look at the happiest couples she knows - I bet that description above wouldn't match any of their relationships.

@Lacey2019 why leave a door open? I don't think you need to stay friends. That's a lot of pressure on you.
It's such early days. Hopefully you'll look back in a year and realise why you did it .

@Lelophants I'm 53 and single but have never regretted ending a relationship. I settled for somebody, married him, regretted it and ended it 5 yrs later.

[quote Lelophants]@Lacey2019 why leave a door open? I don't think you need to stay friends. That's a lot of pressure on you.
It's such early days. Hopefully you'll look back in a year and realise why you did it . [/quote]
@Lelophants thank you. I’m not so sure, he’s been with this person since November last year/December but never admitted to it. When I called him out on it, as I realised he’d met me just when he’d come back from Egypt, he ghosted me. Before then telling my mum I should have spoken to him when I needed something rather than her doing it for me...

I don’t know why he wants a door open. He said to check in with where I am in the future as a friend and that I should add him on social media (he removed me when he’d met this girl). After saying that to me he blocked me on what’s app so I don’t really know what’s going on

No, in fact my regrets are that there are past relationships that I should have ended and not let them trail on miserably when in my gut I knew they were wrong.