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How can I become a more tolerant, patient person?

19 replies

LadybirdInTheWindow · 30/07/2020 09:13

Just that really. Has anyone gone from being seriously intolerant and impatient to a paragon of patience and serenity?

I grew up in a big family and have always been deeply intolerant to noise. I love my siblings dearly but when we are all together the noise makes me rage. I can't bear, for instance, people talking while loud music is also on in the background.

My ds (whom I obviously adore) is now 4 and at that stage when he is both cute and irritating in equal measure. Just that age when kids do annoying things for no reason, like throwing his rabbit around the living room, handstands and jumping on the sofa while watching TV, making daft screechy noises and not giving serious answers to questions (eg when asked what did you eat at nursery today, responding with "big foofoos and WEEWEE" or other such nonsense). I appreciate this is all normal kid stuff but it just sets my teeth on edge!

In general I am really impatient, really intolerant and I just hate that about myself. I promise I am not a joyless miserable witch and I do actually have a sense of humour and ds and I have a very affectionate relationship. I've always been like this and I fear it will just get worse as I get older unless I can find a way to change.

OP posts:
LadybirdInTheWindow · 30/07/2020 10:03

Just me?

OP posts:
OrigamiOwl · 30/07/2020 11:34

No, it's not just you... But I have no idea of what to advise to make a change!

Sipperskipper · 30/07/2020 11:35

Following with interest as I am exactly the same. Tips please!

pinkpetal2 · 30/07/2020 11:37

I'm the same mindfulness did help but didn't last at all. I cannot stand noise and I have three children Blush

OrigamiOwl · 30/07/2020 11:39

I really struggle with noise. I don't have children and I must admit this was a factor in my decision making. I knew I would really really struggle.

Dollywilde · 30/07/2020 11:39

Well this unhelpful as I was also here for the advice Grin

I guess there’s a school of thought that you’ll really miss it when it’s over and he’s sullenly grunting? I do try and remind myself that I don’t have a right to later get nostalgic over things that set me on edge in the present!

I also try and remind myself I’m looking to break a cycle - my dad is really intolerant to loud noise and kids being kids and I was on tiptoes a lot of my childhood. Very determined not to replicate that for my own DC.

LadybirdInTheWindow · 30/07/2020 11:57

Maybe we need a support group Grin

OP posts:
Dishalni · 19/02/2021 12:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

zafferana · 19/02/2021 12:22

I'm quite impatient too OP, can't stand lots of chaos and noise and mess. My best advice to you is to learn to count to 10, take a deep breath and/or just leave the room to calm down if you feel like you're going to explode. I mean, occasionally, it's no bad thing to go ballistic, not all behaviour is acceptable or desirable and DC need to know when their behaviour is intolerable. But if you feel close to yelling often and, in retrospect, you feel it wasn't always justified, you need to learn to pick your battles and realise in the heat of the moment when maybe you're not being reasonable yourself. That's what the counting to 10 or deep breathing is for - to buy you time to decide whether the behaviour merits yelling or whether you just need to be a bit more zen!

PurpleFadesToGreen · 19/02/2021 13:26

I found citalopram helped me...Confused

LunarCatAndDaffodils · 19/02/2021 13:27

Meditation, but you need a compassion practice as well as a mindfulness onez

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 19/02/2021 13:40

I'm not sure how much luck you're going to have asking this on MN right now. I mean.... Grin

Moonface123 · 19/02/2021 17:16

I have stopped myself from reacting impulsively by learning to hit the pause button. Just be self aware enough when feeling stressed to ask yourself " Is this going to help? " Took a bit of practice but has made a real difference. I also think self care is essential , ensure enough sleep, take time out, if possible, vitamin supplements so mentally your in a good place. If your sleep deprived, low on iron, which most women are your tolerance levels will be a lot lower.
There's a saying " Children don't do what you say, they do what you do" calmer parent equals calmer children and calmer household.
I listen to guided meditations , very good, some are only a few minutes yet do make a positive difference. Nice to listen to before sleep, lots on youtube.

Ilovetheseventies · 19/02/2021 19:49

Imagine how you would like to be. Either pick someone you know who is patient or imagine yourself being that person. Close your eyes and imagine how you would look and be.
My DM was always shouting and I knew I didn't want that for my family. Is it learnt behaviour to some degree.

WednesdayalltheWay · 19/02/2021 19:52

I was going to say mindfulness meditation too. If you stick with it I really believe you will become more compassionate to yourself, and that will enable you to become more tolerant.
I am a hugely passionate advocate so please message me if you want to know places to start!

Orangesarenottheonlyfruit · 19/02/2021 19:55

I have no idea but I hate everyone. Really. It's becoming an issue. Literally everyone irritates me. So you're not alone.

Rainbowaftertherain · 19/02/2021 19:58

throwing his rabbit around the living room
?????Confused

NotWithMyShoes · 19/02/2021 20:00

Bite your tongue (literally!) and count to ten. Remember you were a kid once.
Stock of activities to redirect to. When they’re a bit older chores if they’ve too much energy Grin

Porridgeoat · 19/02/2021 20:09

Learn to bite your tongue, walk away or ask nicely for what you need ‘please could you use a quieter voice’

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