What did your parents not explain well?

[SeaSandandSun]

My DD is now 10 and is asking all sorts of awkward questions. I do my best to explain them and hopefully avoid confusion down the line.

It got me remembering when I was around 7yo. I heard someone call someone a wanker and asked my DM what it meant. She said it is a boy who plays with himself. Of course, I had no idea what that meant and presumed it meant someone playing by themselves.

I walked around for weeks seeing boys playing alone and thinking “ah look, he’s a wanker!”

Some time later (weeks or months, not sure) we were sitting round the dinner table and the following conversation took place:
DM: “What is the name of the new boy in your class?”
Me: “Steven”
DM: “What is he like?”
Me: “I don’t know. He plays by himself a lot. He’s a wanker!”
My dad nearly fell off his chair

Anyone got any similar light hearted stories?

My mum explained the mechanics of sex to me fairly well, however there were a couple of things I got confused on..
Firstly I thought that girls got pregnant if a boy peed in them, I didn’t realise sperm was a separate liquid.
Then she described a condom as something you put over you when having sex. I thought it completely covered the whole man and woman (to be fair I think a scene in lethal weapon was to blame for that!)

Pretty much nothing. They told me most stuff if I asked. No nasty surprises in adulthood!

When my DM explained sex she said that the man’s penis moved in and out of the vagina. I thought both the man and woman laid still and the penis moved in and out of it’s own accord. A bit like a curious snake 😂 I had no idea how long they had to lay still for and thought it would be pretty boring 😂

I remember very vividly the stony silence in my reception class whilst wholeheartedly engaging with 'words that start with the letter.......'. I shouted 'C**T' when it got to C.
Words were had with my parents..,,

I am crying with laughter (yes, really) at the OP wanker post! I've tried to explain to my DH what I'm laughing at but I can't say it without laughing.

As a four-year-old I thought sticking your middle finger was being rude to God/something god doesn't like (sounds like a phoney explanation from my DM).

I got away with putting my other hand flat above my middle finger for quite awhile as I thought that way God didn't see/know. I guess teachers/kids thought I was just doing 'Time out' when someone annoyed me.

Same as PP with thinking that a man wee'd inside a woman during sex.

I also had serious stress aged 10 as I thought I was going to be in serious trouble/gossip as I thought i'd be pregnant as I accidentally fell asleep with a male friend on the sofa watching a film. We both 'slept together' and you only done that once you were married and wanted a baby...

My mum is a tremendous prude and heavily avoided talking about anything to do with bodies, relationships, sex etc. I only found out about periods at school when I was 11. I'm so pleased I didn't get mine before then! My DD has know about periods since she was about 4, shes 8 now and we talk about them when I have them. I will approach the sex subject one day soon. My mum still won't say "sex" in front of me and I'm in my late 30's 🙄

@SeaSandandSun

When my DM explained sex she said that the man’s penis moved in and out of the vagina. I thought both the man and woman laid still and the penis moved in and out of it’s own accord. A bit like a curious snake 😂 I had no idea how long they had to lay still for and thought it would be pretty boring 😂

A bit like a curious snake That cracked me up! Some of these stories are hilarious!

SunnysideGold. Advice from my mother was “keep your hand on your ha’penny” I had no idea what she meant.

Despite having four daughters and seven granddaughters, my dm could never quite bring herself to explain periods.
Her only attempt to explain to me was when I was about 13, and involved her hissing “you know, monthlies” and nodding urgently towards her lower half before telling me to shut up. I was completely bemused.

She hit the menopause when I was early twenties and once came to me all in a fluster, to ask if I had “anything”. I guessed what she was after but played dumb and she went through the whole hissing “you know” - gestured wildly southwards - “something for your monthlies.”

I took great pleasure in asking if she wanted a sanitary towel or a tampon, and with or without applicator. And heavy or light flow? .

Superb thread

I asked my Grandma what a flasher was. She said it was a man with a big torch who shone it in your face and turned it off and on until you went blind.

@SqidgeBum

This one was not exactly my mothers fault, but anyway ....

I grew up in catholic Ireland. When I was 4 and just starting school, I came home from school and told my mum 'Mrs Quinns Daddy came to see us today' . My mother thought it was a bit strange, but moved on. The next week it was the same thing; 'Mrs Quinns Daddy was back in to see us today'. It went on for about 3 weeks. My mom became increasingly concerned at this random man coming into a class of 4 year olds.

Going down to the road to the shops one day I pointed a man out and said 'that's Mrs Quinns Daddy!'. It was the local priest. Just shows how often my Mom went to mass with me haha.

Haha. A bit off topic...but my daughter went to Brownies at the nearby church at the end of our street .

She came home and told me "that man" had come to visit the school.

"What man?"
"Oh...you know!! That man....er...what's he called,?! Erm.....och...you know!! The....man...er.......can't remember what you call him again...he comes to school sometimes.....OH YEAH!!...you know!!!....the man who works for God at the top of the road!"

The minister 😁😁

Laser tag was where silly men went and shot at each other

Sounded terrifying

She didn’t explain that it wasn’t with real guns

My mum wouldn’t mention periods at all and I didn’t have a clue what was going on

I thought I was bleeding to death thankfully my aunt filled me in and my mother said that’s disgusting and she’ll of got there in the end and I’m like wtf.

Sex well forget that again it was an aunt that filled me in my mother’s idea was you have sex for the man and to have babies only that’s it.

Oh and I had a transgender aunt that was an uncle going through transition no one was allowed to say anything about her at all. I was 5/6 (48 years ago)and asked are you my Aunty Dave (not real name) my mother tried to shush me but she said yes but I go by ........ now. my mother said no your Dave and generally being. Bitch to her. Mother said she brought shame to the family which was hogwash.

I loved both my aunties and into my 20s they helped me a bloody lot. My mother not so much sadly.

My mother was always reluctant to talk about "downstairs" and basically believed that children should have no sex education. My mother isn't religious or anything, but I was the kid who was not allowed to participate in the sex education/periods classes.

She did tell me about periods sort of. I believed that women bled all the time so she can't have been very clear.

When I was quite small I remember asking my DM how she and my dad realised they loved each other and wanted to get married.

She said that all that happened was this conversation:

"I love you."
"I love you."

The way she said it, and the serious tone she used made me think that it was all terribly formal and serious, like a contractual declaration. And that is how I genuinely believed that that's what people did. You decided that you loved them and told them, and they did the same.

This thread is amazing my mum was also a massive prude and did the whole "monthlies" thing. I asked once about periods and she firmly shut the conversation off with it happens when you are much older. I genuinely thought she meant in your twenties and so when it was mentioned in school I thought ah yes that thing that happens when you're an adult.

First period comes around and I think I'm dying!!

With reading stories, my parents liked to discuss if it was a true story. Usually they weren't, because of talking animals. But I gained the idea that if something appeared a lot in fairy tales, it must be made up. For a long time I thought wolves and foxes were fictional; and I wasn't sure about rainbows, castles, prisons, kings and queens, as they often appear in fairy stories.

Another time, I'd heard that there would be "pin the tail on the donkey" being played at a party; I asked how the game was played. I was told that whoever pinned the tail nearest where it should be would win. I thought this would be a very easy game to win! Nothing was said about being blindfolded. They also couldn't enlighten me why I couldn't see the pattern on the scarf when it was over my eyes.