The stealth mouldy blueberry.

[ScribblyGum]

Ruiners of breakfast.

I’m rapidly losing faith in their promised magical properties of health boosting vitality when they REPEATEDLY trick me with their covert decomposing ways.

Prunes never dicked me about like this.

That's soft fruit for you. Bastards!

I am disappointed in their persistent disregard for maintaining collective absolute freshness up until the point I choose put them on my porridge.

It’s like they don’t even care.

I had a stealth mouldy nectarine yesterday. That's another level of disappointing because there were only 4 to begin with, and I couldn't force the mouldy one on my kids.

I hate the way they escape from their little boxes and bounce all over the kitchen floor when I open the fridge. I always find a mouldy one that went rogue and died for its spirited ways when I clean out the fridge, too.

The bastarding box lids never fit properly.

It’s always hiding as well, the bastard. Never sat on top where you might stand a chance of removing the mouldy little fucker prior to it being put in your bowl, oh no. Inevitably I discover it once I’ve already contaminated several other foods with it or, my personal favourite, it lurks about ready to explode it’s revolting squishy mouldiness into my fingernail when I take a handful. Bastard.

I'm with you, OP. I have to inspect them individually before adding them to food. It's ridiculous, like I'm a bouncer employed by my own breakfast.

I can hire out DS for a competitive rate to help with this problem. He picks up each blueberry, scrutinises it’s, has an experimental lick or puts it into his mouth to determine freshness and sweetness. He then forces it into my mouth and grins because he’s so good at sharing.

@FourPlasticRings

I'm with you, OP. I have to inspect them individually before adding them to food. It's ridiculous, like I'm a bouncer employed by my own breakfast.

OMG you totally nailed it. They’ve forced me into becoming a breakfast bouncer.

"a bouncer employed by my own breakfast"

What about the strawberries who present a pristine, wholesome side when you look at them in the punnet but when they're picked up, reveal their evil greying squishyness underneath

I have to press each one slightly before putting them on. Squishy ones get chucked.

I hate the rogue bitter nut in a handful of almonds or hazelnuts. It’s always the last one I eat, too, leaving me with horrible bitter gone-off nut aftertaste for ages < not envy

Oh thank God, a proper MN thread of old. That can actually be enjoyed

I raise you the nectarine/peach which appears to be all perfection. Until you bite into it's vile, woolly, juiceless flesh

What you want is frozen blueberries. Not a bitter or mouldy one in sight. Only trouble is remembering to defrost them..

Blueberries always taste like fluff anyway. Choose a new fruit.

Buy a blueberry Bush. Problem solved.

Ah, so now we have two themes emerging of fruit disappointment: Hidden Corruption (see blueberries and strawberries) and Hidden Wizendness , or maybe just general poor effort (nectarines. Pears do this a lot too).

@Mamette I concur the rogue bitter nut is also monumentally frustrating but I’m struggling to mentally bring nuts into my fruity Venn diagram of shame.

The answer is frozen ones! Bought from Aldi. I chuck them in my yoghurt the night before and leave in the fridge.

No, no, plums, apparently ripe.

Take a bite expecting sweet juiciness, but not only is dry, it's bitter too. Fucking supermarkets, they've ruined fruit!

My most exciting discovery during the last six months has been a plum tree on the playing fields. So far only I know of it's existence (mwahaha). Not even the wasps have found it yet. 🤫

Frozen ones require the mental effort of defrosting though.

WHY does my breakfast fruit of choice have to be so fucking high maintenance?

@DinosApple YES the dry plum.

They’re totally on the list of shame.

Dry oranges are sneaky bastards too. They actually CRACKLE when you prise their dessicated segments apart.

Among my fruit conundrums, why is it, I buy five lovely perfect bananas. They get gobbled straight away by my fruit loving dependents. Buy another five and you can guarantee they will languish next to the fruit bowl (because apparently they are very powerful and will ripen all other fruits whether you want them to or not) getting browner, softer and spottier until I start mumbling about making banana bread before I eventually chuck them out because there might be fruit flies.

The answer to this issue is Ocado/Waitrose. The only suppliers who will consistently sell soft fruit that remains fresh for a week, with no dodgy blueberries or mushy strawbs.

Nowhere, however, is reliable enough to supply wool-free peaces and nectarines, although if you can buy them at room temperature you can tell by smell (woolly ones have no smell).

@Sunnysidegold reminds me of this cartoon

Fruit is a real pain for me too. I am only allowed non exotic ones as I have Diabetes II. I regularly put blueberries in fridge and then a couple of days later they get mould. Ditto raspberries. Occasionally I get one or two little oranges and they are bone dry. Mind you I went mad the other day and got some peaches - I had to eat them over the sink they were so juicy! Am thinking of getting frozen fruit.