If no one has ever fallen out with you, what's your secret?

[Annabesque]

I have plenty of good friends, but I also find as I've gone through life that no matter how much I try to avoid drama and conflict, narcissists fall out with me and cause a big drama and big fall out about it.

To give a few examples:

Became friendly with a school mum who had a DS in my son's year at school, when the boy's were in reception, as the boys became very good friends. She was a narcissist and the second I wouldn't do something she wanted to (she wanted to go to the beach on a bank holiday with me but I was busy with other plans) she fell out with me and spent the entire 7 years my son was at primary school bitching loudly about me to others at collection time. She did go on to fall out with most other mums in the year but it was a hassle I could have done without.

Secondly, a woman I met through a hobby I've done for years. Again, obvious fairly early that she was a narcissist but I tried to be kind, and gave her lifts to and from the hobby and helped her in other ways. Cue her falling out with me one night when I was ill and couldn't give her a lift, and causing drama with others in our hobby group (hobby is netball BTW), saying I'd been mean to her.

Thirdly, the woman next door to us is a narcissist too; very unpleasant and self righteous, the kind that will bump into someone in the street then start effing and blinding at them! She makes lots of noise in their garden but gets annoyed if we even talk in our back garden, and finds fault in everything we do. She kicked up an almighty fuss when we wanted to take down a hedge on our boundary and put a fence there and to keep the peace we kept the hedge there but then she kicked off because she wanted us to trim it monthly on her side. We have gone out of our way to keep the peace and keep her happy but she makes it known that she does not like us. Her neighbours on the other side are frosty with us as no doubt she's told them some crap about us.

So, if you're lucky enough to never have had anyone determined to fall out with you, what's your secret?

I take a very long time to suss people out before deciding to be friends, plus I come from a family of Narcs so I can usually spot them pretty easily. I don’t trust anyone until I have known them for quite a while and I pick carefully. For example I made no mum friends at school until the beginning of Y2,I had socialised with a few but I was deciding who would be a friend and who would just be an acquaintance. I saw a lot of people become BFFs very fast in the school playground only for it to go wrong later. The true friends I “picked” and who also picked me I am close to now many years later even if the children aren’t.
I am also quite fast to cut people off if I feel I’ve made a mistake or if they don’t turn out to be the person I thought. I don’t have a huge amount of friends but the ones I do I am very close to and trust completely
I am also not frightened of confrontation or falling out with people so if it ever did happen I wouldn’t be too bothered anyway

Has anyone ever called you a narcissist? :) Seriously I do wonder if you might be seeing traits in people that are perhaps things in yourself you dislike.

I don’t really engage that much with people - like others, a bit introvert so not really bothered by what people think of me. I try to be as kind as possible at the same time. I never slag people off or say a bad word about someone if I can avoid it.

I also don’t care a huge amount.

@IdblowJonSnow

Avoid narcissistic people! And stick up for yourself when people bitch about you! Cultivates a 'dont fuck with me vibe' and then people won't! You don't need to he undignified about it.

^ yes, work on your boundaries.