Moving house

[Ishihtzuknot]

I’ve been unhappy in my current home for a while due to neighbour noise, so I’m looking to move within the next couple of years when I have saved enough.
It’s been on my mind lately that I want to move back ‘home’ where I grew up and where my family and friends are, instead of another home in this area. I never settled in this area properly (exH chose it for house prices) I stayed after we split because my children made a life here settling into a great primary school and made friends, but it’s never been home for me. We’ve been here for 9 years now and I’ve mostly been miserable and it feels like I’ve wasted a huge chunk of my life here. The thing that holds me back is because of my daughter starting a really good secondary school that was hard to get her into, she is due to start in September and it’s a huge deal to her. None of the secondary schools in my home area are good enough imo, moving her to one of those is 100% not happening, and it feels cruel to rip her away from the life she’s made here. My other child will be starting the school next year, and if we moved before that she obviously wouldn’t get a place due to distance. I’d consider the 45 minute drive each day to keep them at the school, but being realistic I don’t know if it’s doable or fair on them. Her friends would be in this area and she wouldn’t be able to see them as often, and although I know she’d make new friends it wouldn’t be the same for her.
My children understandably don’t want to move, their dad is local so they can visit him often and they have a lot of friends and good memories so I feel awful considering taking this from them for my happiness. I’m willing to hold out until they both grow up and then move back, but I think it will be too late for me by then and the moment will have passed as that’s 10-15 years away. I’m not sure what to do and it’s causing me a lot of stress and worry. Can anyone offer any advice and what they would do in this situation?

Hi, I can understand the dilemma. I also live somewhere I don't live because it is where I ended up, and often think of moving.

I think some of the points you raise in your post make sense and some were a bit over dramatic - so I don't think it is 'cruel' to move your daughter to a different school. It might not be what they want but cruel is too strong!

I also wasnt sure of the timeframes, as you said you could move when they had left school, but then you mentioned 10-15 years, but if your younger child is year 7 next year, then you'll be finished with school in 8 years? Maybe I misunderstood something.

If you were willing to do the commute you could wait until they are both in the school, and move then. Then they stay at the same school but you get to start your plans.

Sorry 'i also live somewhere I don't love' that should say!

I think that you have to stay until youngest in secondary, it is not really fair to leave older one in a good secondary but not the younger one.

Can you move nearer to 'home' whilst still be fairly close to the school- for example the outskirts of current town but on the side of home town? 45 minutes isn't too far for you to drive and then when the dc are older is not too far for them to drive to see friends sometimes. I think though if you move now and don't change school the dc will vote with their feet and stay with your ex.

Thanks for replies, the time frame is based on ages so I have to assume they will stay living home until they can afford their own/go to uni etc, if I waited until they left secondary and expected them to move it would make more sense to just wait for them to leave home than uproot late teens.
In terms of distance it could realistically be over an hour journey each way if there is traffic. There are more cons than pros but I just hate my life here and want to go home, I know my kids have to be priority though and they don’t want to move back.

Isn’t there any public transport for the schools run? Even a train might be quicker than driving.

Could you move half way? So halve the commute?