Anyone with experience as a partner of someone with Depression?

[Cakestandkitchen]

I have a lot to say to DH about life in this house over the last 6 months up to his diagnosis by the GP. He is on medication but this is still quite new so I am not going to do this yet but at some point I do need to let him know what was happening in respect of temper, drinking and sex.

I am struggling to a find advice for partners beyond be patient. Can anyone help?

Sorry, I don't have any advice, but I am in the same situation.

For me, it's been 5 years with little evidence of things improving. He doesn't have a temper, but drinks a staggering amount, never wants sex, and stays up all night, then sleeps minimum 10 hours during the day.

I stay because I'm scared about how he'd cope without me here to pay the bills, clean the house and feed him. I know I'm sacrificing my own happiness in favour of his existence, and I've given up hope that he will get better. I'm at the stage now where I have to try and find the courage to leave.

Thanks. I cant ever go through what I have again. I was planning on leaving but understand now he’s not been in a good place.

It's taken me some time to work through the idea that it's not my job to fix it for him, and only he can get himself back into a good place.

That's not a reason to stay if you're unhappy.

Omg. Please, please leave. Jesus, there are so many reasons screaming out from your post. Do you have kids?

Who me Ohio?

Are you married? Would you not give your husband time to get well?

I did. 3 years. Nearly finished me off. Am still broken from his behaviour. Honestly, get rid. My xh still lives a life that wipes smiles away and sucks fresh air out of the brightest day.

Oh dear.

I’d rather give my husband support to get better than throw the towel in immediately. We do need a serious conversation at some point but I am willing to give him support.

Well one day your life will be over. I wish I had given up sooner.

I tried to leave last night after the latest temper and throwing things incident. This time he promises he won't bale on the medical treatment after the first appointment.

If he is following medical advice and getting counselling, then give it time.

My ex had severe depression. It was awful. He would sleep all day, be up all night watching endless conspiracy theory stuff on YouTube. He wasn’t working, not eating much, we didn’t go anywhere or do anything for two years. I was so miserable. I felt terribly guilty when I finally left but I’m so glad I did - he wouldn’t engage or get help and I felt like I was being dragged down. I feel for you so much OP. It’s so hard because it’s a terrible illness but at the same time you have one life, you can’t sacrifice it for someone else.

Wish I'd left sooner. In the end I realised I wasn't willing to sacrifice my life for him. You can't fix him and can't make him help himself. Leaving was very difficult and I was frightened about what would happen to him but to be honest the thought of spending the rest of my days living with that joyless existence was worse.

I’m sticking it out because I can’t bear the thought that our DC will have to spend half (or any!) of their time with him without me to jolly things along.

Oh gosh, following. My oh shouted in my 4yo's face today for bad behaviour and when I told him afterwards that there was no need to shout he told me he would shout and wouldn't apologise for it. I don't accept being shouted at so why should I accept my child being shouted at? The mood is low, the energy is low and I am the only one who ever suggests anything. It's exhausting.

Hi I don't really have any advice but want to offer my sympathies. Am in a similar position. Mine won't get help. So hard. Nice to talk with others who've gone through / are going through similar

Thistles24 I have thought of this also but what message are we giving the dc 100 % of the time instead? Personally my eldest dc's behaviour mirrors his df's a lot and I feel I have supported this.

@Heygirlheyboy

Oh gosh, following. My oh shouted in my 4yo's face today for bad behaviour and when I told him afterwards that there was no need to shout he told me he would shout and wouldn't apologise for it. I don't accept being shouted at so why should I accept my child being shouted at? The mood is low, the energy is low and I am the only one who ever suggests anything. It's exhausting.

Oh gosh Heygirl we have similar here. It's upsetting. And exhausting because I'm not only having to manage my small child's (occasionally) difficult behaviour but also the unpleasant reaction of DH

My 4yo is particularly sweet and innocent. He had wrongly repeated a swear word heard on the road and oh went completely ott, obviously ds doesn't understand an adult view of swearing. I'm really angry about it. Told me he didn't need a lecture when I just gave my opinion but to say he was OK with shouting was the light bulb. Unfortunately I think in our case ADs were handed up without any suggestion of talk therapy, even tho there are definite issues, and it hasn't helped.

My advice to to stay but if there is no improvement leave.You can't fix it and it will drain you.
We were going n year 5 when my exh had his first bout of depression(DD was about 3).He carried on self medicating with alcohol,played fine to the community nurses and was a bastard to me.
Sex and and cuddles,hugs,kisses stopped.
I should have gone when he stopped taking and medication.
I stayed 12 more years,mostly thinking he wouldn't manage without me.When he started treating my DD badly I prepared to leave,I didn't fear violence but ended up leaving with a few bin liners and bits and pieces that fit in a friend's van.
I have rebuilt my life but not friendships he destroyed and my DD has needed councilling.She lot bed him,they have a good relationship but although he phones her every Sunday hasn't seen her since Christmas,she's to go to his next month but I'm not holding my breath.
Hope you fare better than me but don't feel sorry for me as I am happier free and being more me than I have for years.