Thinking of separating because of husband’s anxiety....anyone else live with this problem?

[Somagal]

We have been together 23 years (married 12) 2 gorgeous lads. My husband has always suffered with Generalised Anxiety Disorder but appears to want to do very little practically about managing it. It’s exhausting predicting his moods, what will set him off, managing our social lives around it, being on edge around him in social situations because I know he’s often uncomfortable, unable to enjoy a drink with him and friends as he’s a liability when drunk (he’s decided to stop), the list goes on.

He won’t try medication (Scared of side effects) and thinks therapy doesn’t work because he tried it for a few weeks once and it didn’t work🙄.

I’m reaching the point of not being able to deal with it and I feel like it’s affecting my mental health now. He’s a great bloke an awesome Dad and we don’t really argue, we get on although have different interests (yes people he’s a cyclist and I’m not!)

I don’t know whether to give him an ultimatum about seeking therapy and medication, or the marriage is done,
because it can’t go on like this.

Anyone else in a situation anything like this???

Also if the worst happens what do you tell the kids about separating because of something like this? They would just see me
abandoning daddy who isn’t well!!

Any words would be amazing, am knackered with it all!

I think the DC are probably more aware of his issues than you realise.
Speak to him first advise treatment is the only option unless he is willing to address his behaviour you will have to leave, the DC will learn from his behaviour and act on it.
He can only help himself.
Steraline is amazing for anxiety other than the first 5 weeks of bloating and weirdness it changed my life since.

Thank you. Good to know meds do actually
work for people, glad they have for you.

Maybe the DC are more aware than I think.

It feels very harsh to be doing this when someone’s mental health is involved. I’m racked with guilt but equally frustrated that he won’t attempt to manage it. When he’s on an upswing I think he forgets he has anxiety where I’m just waiting for the next episode to happen, because it will

I can understand your point of view here. It can be quite hard to live with people with mental health issues in general, but if they are not seeking any treatment whatsoever then it's going to be much more difficult.

If he had a physical issue , then he would likely seek treatment for it. This should be no different. However, it's hard as therapy in particular will not work if you do not engage with it.

As someone with a lot of mental health issues I wouldn''t get into a relationship if I wasn't in treatment.

I think it's unfair on you. He needs help to learn how to cope with his condition. If one type of therapy didn't work he can try another.

You wouldn’t be leaving him because he isn’t well, you would be leaving because he won’t seek treatment

You wouldn’t be leaving him because he isn’t well, you would be leaving because he won’t seek treatment

This.

My ex's physical health had a lot to do with why we split up. Our entire lives were dictated by it. All of his health conditions were lifestyle related and all preventable but he didn't want to make the changes he'd have to make and it killed four relationship. We were all held to ransom by his choices.

Our relationship didnt fail because he was I'll but because they were all manageable and yet he did nothing to manage them. If that's how he chooses to live his life - fine. It's not how I choose to live mine.

It may feel harsh I'm sure it hasn't been a split decision.
Unless he is willing to try how can you be expected to keep trying, marriage is a two way system it isn't fair for one to carry the load.
There is lots of help these days with self help in comparison to the past.
I would give him the ultimatum there are 4 lifes involved.

The main reason I split with ex husband was this but depression not anxiety. He refused for years to get treatment of any kind and his moods and behaviour became so bad I just couldnt take it any more.
He thought he was entitled to take things out on me because I was his wife. He still blames me completely for splitting us up.

I made DH seeking treatment a condition of me staying in the marriage.

Yep he still has anxiety but he recognises that he can no longer let it dominate family life and it no longer does.

I’m the partner that is unwell mentally. I cooperate totally with treatment, it’s really hard work trying to be as well as possible. I have a condition that means I an go in to full mania and have suffered psychosis. I don’t drink alcohol at all and the slightest fluctuation I remove myself from being near my family. Therapy can take years.

If he won’t co operate then I don’t blame you for leaving.