Is it possible to get over my past? (Trigger warning for rape)

[TheHound86]

I have name changed for this as I dont want to be identified.
It has been 18 years since I was, I think, raped when I was 16 by my boyfriend. After him I ended up in an abusive relationship for a few years. It has been over a decade now that I have been free of this abuse but it still hangs over me like a horrible black cloud. I have had CBT for the initial rape incident that helped a lot but it is still often present in my head. Will it all eventually fade into the background and not bother me anymore?

A survivor here. The memory will it fade, the same as the memory of falling off your bike when you were 6, or your sibling stealing your favourite shows and ruining. But what does fade is the emotional response to the memory. So you remember it, but you don't have the negative emotions instantly triggered at all. You just think yeah that happened to me once.

It takes time, everyone is different. Just be patient with yourself and be kind to yourself. Time is a healer. 💐

Counselling is amazing. Please see your GP and get referred for some support x

Yes, it does fade. EMDR was helpful for me x

Thank you for your replies. I felt so sick after posting this. They are a few years that I rarely ever speak of but I do want them to stop hanging over me.
I have heard of EMDR and I rhink they offer it in our area so that is something I could look into although I suspect with the Covid situation it may not be going ahead at the moment.

Having already had CBT I am wondering whether EMDR therapy is likely to be any more helpful. I dont want to waste the time of the therapists. After all the CBT did help and I am able to cope much better than I was previously.

I am having counselling with a sexual violence charity for something that happened to me over a decade ago. It is really upsetting and exhausting but I do think it is helping me come to terms with the trauma. I’m fairly early on in the process but my therapist has said we will work towards an acceptance of what happened, and coming to peace with the fact that it is in my past.

I’ve had both CBT and EMDR and found them both helpful, but EMDR was game changing.

Maybe imagine you were ill and the doctor prescribed an antibiotic, an anti inflammatory and a supplement of some kind. You wouldn’t only take one of them, you’d use the multi pronged approach. It’s like that. They do different bits of the thing.

CBT was great for challenging unhelpful thinking, I use the principles consciously and subconsciously loads in life now.

EMDR dealt with the irrational ‘PTSD’ part of my brain that could be triggered by a word or an image and sent adrenaline coursing through me before my poor CBT conscious brain even realised what was happening.

Yes counselling and treatment is really important to process the events and come to terms with them. Bad things happen to many people and processing them is the best way to live with them. Suppressing memories and bad emotions is counterproductive.

I read somewhere people who survived the holocaust did better if they just carried on with normal life, married, had children, jobs etc. They were mentally healthier than people who constantly relived their terrible experience.

So I'd say face up to what happen and it's affect on you, then move on to a better life.

I'm really grateful for all your replies. I like the multi pronged treatment analogy. That makes perfect sense. I hope that one day in the not too distant future I will be able to feel like those few years are just a relatively insignificant part of my past. I suspect its made worse by the fact that I have to have some contact still with the abusive second man and those few years are all tied together for some reason. Every time I have contact with him I cant sleep properly and I feel sick and it dredges up memories both of him and the time before.
I am sorry for the experiences you have all been through. I hope we all reach a state of feeling fully recovered after past experiences.