Is it possible to keep the house tidy without nagging constantly???

[Teacher12345]

Kids are 7 & 4. The house is pretty small and we have alot of crap. We do have quite a bit of storage but the house always looks a mess and it is starting to get me down.
Everytime I make the kids turn the TV off they start getting stuff out and even though I insist they put it away, they don't do a good job so it's still a mess. DH and I are not naturally tidy people either and I feel like my options right now are to be a miserable nag, or accept mess will be there.
Am I right to keep trying to keep the house in shape or in a tiny cramped house with 2 kids should I accept it will always be somewhat messy.

The children will grow up and have less toys. I used to think my house would be a tip forever but my 11 year old has a bike and a ball basically.

So chill out and embrace the mess?

Have a clear out?

I box up a lot of the kids stuff and get it out every few months/box other stuff away. Then there isn't loads of stuff everywhere all the time. When I get the boxes out to swap toys they love playing with the stuff they've not touched for ages. Also gives me the chance to sort through any toys that can be binned or passed on

I'm forever telling my kids to bring their dishes down from their rooms but they forget or are too busy playing etc. I just have to be firm when I want something doing, I'll pause the tv, tell them to do it when I've seen them finish a game, while they're switching from one thing to another, that's when I say "get your dishes, toys away, do this job now" etc

Mine do eye roll but I about once a week I'll get them all in the kitchen and tell them they're helping me with jobs for 20-30 mins. Could be emptying the washing machine, emptying dishwasher, stripping beds, hoovering, wiping down surfaces with anti bac, feed pets, take rubbish out etc

It's all down to habit I think and the nature of the beast. 2 of mine will happily walk away from the table leaving their dishes etc on the table whereas my other dc puts his straight in the dishwasher.

Maybe give them a visual chart of daily small jobs to do? Tidy shoes, toys away, empty washing machine, tidy cushions on the couch etc. Simple stuff. Even when mine were little I'd get them to do little jobs like take clean laundry to the appropriate bedroom etc. I'll occasionally put on some music they like on too to try and Loft the mood of doing 'boring jobs'

I probably sound like Miss Trunchbull 😂

Big believer of teaching independence and I'm a single mum so it helps me a little. Also teaches them their actions have consequences (toys out, dishes down etc)

Mine are 13,9 and 7 if that makes a difference

And yes, you have to accept some mess, but I can't relax if I'm looking at clutter (personal preference) so I always have the kitchen and lounge clutter free in the evenings. In the day they're full of dens, figures, felt tips, laser guns etc

Plus there's a difference between messy and dirty. Messy I can live with to a degree and in the day but I can't be doing with the house being dirty. Again I've cats and a dog and 3 boys so it's certainly not dirt free by any means

Yes embtace the mess or tidy and dont nag. Naging makes you miserable and has no impact. If you feel like the children should help do a rota /reward chart type thing

I don’t think it’s possible , certainly not in my house.

From memory, it's pretty hard. I did have a rule that all toys were homed in the bedrooms. I had two large 'baskets of crap' (official name) downstairs - one in the lounge and one in the kitchen . Any toys brought downstairs would be chucked in them when a clear up was needed. The baskets would then be periodically taken upstairs and the kids job would be to claim their toys and put them away. This worked well because you could just fling stuff into the baskets without thinking too hard about it - very useful at the end of a long day.

To add - things are easier now there are no toys. I hate clutter and keep downstairs very clear. They are responsible for their bedrooms and pocket money is only paid once they have been properly cleaned.

I like the baskets of crap idea.
We are hoping to move in 12-18 months to a bigger house so I will try to in still some good habits without nagging too much in the hope that they will be able to store things in their rooms when they get more space.

OP,
Tell them that we are doing a big clear out and give them a black bag each to fill.

Focus on one room at a time and really clear out as much as you can.

Stop play half an hour early and tell them every day that it is clear up time of that days mess.
You have storage.
You need to maximise it.

A tidy, organise home is a balm to the sould to many.
I couldn't live in a mess.
But each to their own.

Children in my experience will make skivvies out of parents, if allowed.

I have been firm by instilling good habits inmiy children.

For example, mine would come in an throw bags, shoes, all sorts of crap around and then I would call them them down for their shoes to be put away. Then i would call them down for their bag to be put away, then their coats, then their lunch boxes, gear bags etc....I just kept calling for each item, individually 😁

This would bug them, but got the message across quickly that I was NOT doing it.

They developed good habits purely out of self interest.

The key is, YOU have to put in the work to make YOUR life easier long term.

Now I have very tidy teens compared with friends I keep being told.....but it was a bit of effort in the beginning, but very worth it.

Thanks Billy. Might have to take this approach. I already do it sometimes but I am not consistent enough.

We had a toy box in the living room and every evening before dinner son had to put everything either back to it's place or in that box. When the box got full (2 days usually) he had to start the day with putting it away.
Tbh this only worked until he was about 9. Since then it's just downhill battle, but he does have fewer stuff, so it's more managable.

We have moved often so don't have as big an accumulation of stuff as some households which helps.

But teach them early. Have tidy up time at least twice a day before meals or leaving the house. We had tidy up music.on to make it fun. Even tinies can help with chores - and definitely rotate their stuff so it's never ALL out.

I was quite brutal. If it was impossible for Lego etc to be tidied away then clearly we weren't old enough for Lego and it vanished for a bit until I received assurances that it could be tidied away.

We would leave for the park/bake a cake/ insert fun thing here once we'd all put these toys away..

And obviously the children hang their own coats up and put their shoes on the shoe rack, take their plate and beaker to the sink etc.

Yes embtace the mess or tidy and dont nag. Naging makes you miserable and has no impact.

This is very good advice. I wish someone had said this to me years ago.

That was a quote from @wagtailred - I wish I could work out how to use the quotes!

@WokusPocus

That was a quote from *@wagtailred* - I wish I could work out how to use the quotes!

I'm on the app on my phone and I scroll left and click the "" marks. I was here ages before I did it by accident and went "Oh THAT'S how you do it!"

I'm still tidying up after my two, they're 12 and 10 now and leave a trail everywhere they go 🙄

OP,

It is work.
It is a pain in the ass.
But it is worth it.
If you dont really push it early, it will be difficult in their teens!!

@ChavvySexPond - thanks . I'm on the app on my ancient iPad and I can't see that option anywhere. Hopefully I'll stumble on it soon.

Thanks ladies. I just had them tidy their rooms and the fuss is unreal. The youngest did it without battle but needs very specific instructions which is harder than just doing it myself (which is why they get away with it). My eldest was soooo moody about it! he is going to find it a regular occurrance me thinks!

Good for you OP.

I wouldn't be putting up with a moody 7 year old because he is being asked to tidy.

I would give him what for and make my expectations absolutely clear to him.

He can head off to bed extra early to help with his moodiness 😳🙄.

You put up with that type of behaviour, believe me your life will get very hard in a few years.

Families pull together and work best when everyone helps out.
Anything else is not acceptable and not an option!

Don't be a skivvy for your children, it never ends well.👍

Yes, if you do it yourself.
Otherwise accept a level of mess and a low level of nagging.
I would rather live in mess than nag constantly, mostly I just do the stuff that needs doing myself and otherwise let them crack on