Bedrooms in both parents houses?

[Veganforlife]

So I’m a 70s child ,parents divorced age 7 ,most weekends I went to my dads ,I stayed some weeks in the holidays Too
Never knew where I was sleeping till I got there ,if older step kids were at uni I got to sleep in a bed
If everyone was home I slept on a blow up bed on the floor in the dining room.
I had a room at my mums house ,never occurred to me I should have a room at my dads as well.
Were my expectations to low?
When did it become a thing for children to have a room at both houses ..
I can’t see how my dad could of given me a room to myself ,there simply wasn’t one.
I’m just thinking ,it’s a huge pressure on a family to leave a room empty just waiting for a child to visit a few times a month .

It all depends on how the NRP and their partner see the children. My girls were very much classed as "visitors" to their Dad's house. They weren't even particularly important visitors as often their contact was cancelled if "family" were visiting.

NRP's who class their home as their child's second home tend to make a bit more effort than ones who class their kids as visitors in my experience.

My kids aren't getting their own rooms but we are buying a house big enough that they can all come and stay at the same time (if that happens someone will need to sleep in the study or share with their sister admittedly) though all our kids are over 18 so at university. But I've asked both my kids and dp's to come to ikea to help choose furnishings to involve them, and one of my DD's May store things with us due to her work sponsor situation. Every household is different, own rooms are great if you can do it but otherwise guest rooms can be a better solution

I’m glad things have changed for children, they deserve their own space at each parents house.

Lots still don’t though or start off with one and lose it when half siblings come along.

I think society has higher expectations of dads after divorce, now ,than in the 1980s
I think Mumsnet and such like have helped that ,as it gives us an opportunity to ask each other’s opinions, and rise our own expectations for our own family

My dad moved out in the early 90s. We never had a bedroom at his house. He couldn't afford to get his own house so lived with one or other of his siblings and I slept on a put up bed in his room. If he had me and my dbs stayed at the same time they usually slept in the lounge and I slept on the put up bed. (We usually stayed 1 at a time).

My own dc don't have beds at their dad house. He and his wife have 5 resident children and live in a lha property so didnt qualify for a bedroom for our 2. He rarely has them to sleep over but when they do they sleep on the sofas.

My parents divorced early 90's when I was 3. I stayed at my dads overnight on one single occasion when I was about 12, on a sofa. My dad was constantly moving and travelling so contact was sporadic at best, and when I did see him it was a few hours on a Sunday afternoon.

My ExH has chosen to live in a caravan in his DParents garden (for no obvious reason, he has the income to rent somewhere). He has DD 3 nights a week. They share the only bed, it's very far from ideal but she is only 4.

My Ds stays in the spare room when he sees his dad (one weekend every month or two, it’s a couple of hours away).

They call it ‘his’ room but it’s not. Other guests stay in it too. Ds doesn’t see it as his home though, this is his home.

I think people have higher expectations generally nowadays. So many threads about kids having their own room even non blended families rather than sharing like we did in the 70s.

My parents divorced in the late 90's. When I visited my dad I had to stay in my brothers room to start with mattress on floor. Then he built an extension and I had a bed in the corner of his office downstairs despite there being a guest room upstairs fully furnished. Finally I had a tiny room to myself with a desk/shelf above made of rough cut ply for clothes and homework (had to sit on my bed as there was no room for a chair) There was still a huge spare room and a massive office but I wasn't welcome in either. I also had no clothes or toys stored there and it was commented on negatively if I put the tv on (living room) This is despite my brother and step sister having computer, playstations and TVs in their room and never coming off screens ever. I had whatever stuff I'd managed to lug around school all day before going to dads straight after.

I was miserable and never felt welcome.

My parents divorced when I was two (early nineties). In the beginning, I stayed with my dad every other weekend, and half of the vacations. Always had a room, regardless of his living situation. It’s the absolute bare minimum tbh.

My DS has his own bedroom at his dad's house. But his dad doesn't have any other children, he lives with his partner and she has no children either. They both earn well and have a 4 bedroom house.

My 2 DC have their own bedrooms here, and share a bedroom at their Dad's house (50/50) custody. At their age I think they get the best of both worlds, they are very close so are happy to bunk in together at their Dad's, but enjoy having the personal space here.

Both homes the bedrooms are firmly theirs, decorated for them and not used for any other purpose.

To address the schooling thing, it is a bit of a pain that I'm essentially bound to one city until they are of university age in order to facilitate them being with their Dad too, but their needs have to come first so I'll have to put off my move to somewhere warm and sunny until they're adults

My kids mostly see their Dad at his parent's or sister's house so don't have their own rooms/ beds their but say those places feel more like their "other" homes than their Dad's... they recently spent a week their in his 4 bed house and were helping decorate rooms that would be "guest rooms" rather than their bedrooms for when they visit... I had assumed when he bought that house that he and his wife would have a room, the girls would have a shared room, DS a room of his own, still leaving a guest room ( they have no step or half siblings) but apparently not...I found that disappointing but the kids don't seem overly bothered to be honest....

@Dkrk3o

My 2 DC have their own bedrooms here, and share a bedroom at their Dad's house (50/50) custody. At their age I think they get the best of both worlds, they are very close so are happy to bunk in together at their Dad's, but enjoy having the personal space here.

Both homes the bedrooms are firmly theirs, decorated for them and not used for any other purpose.

To address the schooling thing, it is a bit of a pain that I'm essentially bound to one city until they are of university age in order to facilitate them being with their Dad too, but their needs have to come first so I'll have to put off my move to somewhere warm and sunny until they're adults

I too am bound to my location by virtue of schooling and its proximity to my ex in laws to facilitate contact ( he works and lives at other end of country).... I'd rather have moved elsewhere when we divorced but didn't want to disrupt kids by changing schools again as they'd only been in current one a year or so... plus if I'd moved away and he couldn't take kids to his family easily when he flies up then I suspect he'd se them even less than he already does and would use my decision as an excuse....

My boys share a room here, and they share a room at their dad’s. The rooms are theirs, full of their stuff, and not used by anybody else.

My Sdd doesn't have her own room here. There's just no room, my two youngest sons share too. When she was younger, she shared with Dd13, but now she 'shares' with Ds16 as he's at boarding school and they're rarely here at the same time. We have a trundal bed - she has the bottom bed, he has the main bed. When they are both here at the same time, she takes Dd3's bed while dd3 bunks in with us. It works well enough.