Engagement announcement etiquette

[Fressia123]

You might have seen my other thread about our families being meh about our wedding/marriage. I'm not British and although I've been married before I've never been "engaged". For the record we don't consider ourselves engaged either, we just finally have a date for the wedding. Anywho considering who we have to invite to the reception/ceremony I was wondering what was the actual etiquette for even aknowledging it. We haven't made it public on FB but our immediate family knows. Neither side has said anything directly to either of us, but we're not British, so I don't know if it's a cultural difference or what.

I know I'm overthinking this but the general indifference makes me not wanting to invite them.

Announcement in the Times.

I don't really understand how it's different from last time. If you have decided to marry each other, you are engaged. You don't need an announcement, a party, or even a ring.

I never announced my engagement. We just told family and friends we had decided to get married (no social media in those days) and then sent wedding invitations in due course.

One thing that has changed for the better since I got engaged and married is the sending of 'save the date' cards. When I got married people sent out invitations 6-8 weeks before the day and consequently there were always people who couldn't come because they had prior commitments.

Given that you fixed a date, I would send cards to those you want to invite. That achieves two objectives: letting people know about the engagement and the date of the wedding.

Congratulations!

I'm not sure that Save The Date cards are an improvement. My mother got one but never subsequently got a Wedding Invitation. There had been no family falling out. She was looking out anxiously for the actual Invitation which never arrived so she could send a prompt and polite Regret as she wouldn't have been able to travel for the Wedding.

You just let close family and friend know of your intention to marry, otherwise wait until you are sending out invitations which you can send early if you have people travelling from abroad. No need to put it on Facebook, and definitely not the date, it puts your property at risk.

Fifth last time was more of a "we need to do it ASAP" so just went in and got married in the earliest date they had. I was pregnant at the time with a student visa. Nobody came to that wedding (apart from his family) it wasn't a joyous occasion. There were no photographs, no reception nothing. Many people didn't even know we were married. Nobody on my side came. Everybody knows that for me it was a fairly sad day and the start/continuation of something that it would have been best if it never had happened, but that's the past.

We're not sending invitations as we're only inviting to the actual ceremony about 20 people. Of those only three have actually shown any sign of happiness for us.

I'm starting to feel I don't want to invite them but I don't think that'd be politically correct.

@Fressia123 I hope you don't consider this out of place but you married once before on the basis of other people's expectations. Why do it again?

You say that it'll be a small wedding anyway and even then, only a few people will be happy for you.

In some cases, marriages are about two families coming together but at the heart of it are two people coming together. in this case it's sounds like it's only two people coming together and the families aren't bothered.

In your case, why not head to Gretna Green and forget political correctness? They're not too concerned about your feelings. Your marriage should start out by prioritising your love for each other in spite of familial strife. The rest of them need to know this.

surely one announces it on FB with a picture of one's nicely manicured hands displaying a ring, then update your status to engaged?

Least that is how i did it 7 years ago, maybe that is old hat now?

@burnoutbabe that's how we'd have done it there had been a ring. There isn't one (yet!) We just told our families we were getting married. We had already told the children so telling our parents seemed like the natural next step.

@JustHavinABreak I did think of eloping but he thinks his family will/would get offended. I think would potentially feel that way too, but the complete lack of interest is to me more offending.