First baby at 22, second at 36. Yay or nay?

[Maybebabyat36]

Hi,

Just that really? Would you? Did you?

Definitely at something of a crossroads in life. Already have a dc from a previous relationship and was way too young when I had them! Bad relationship. No money etc. Just not in a good place to have a dc, but she is my world now.

Married now to a woman, so a donor would be required, which is another side issue....

Part of me feels guilty for the dc not having a dad in their life. My dw is very much wanting to go ahead and says that I'm over thinking and that the main thing is that the dc will have a loving and stable upbringing.

Another potential issue is my dc having such a large gap between them and their sibling, so will have a different kind of bond/relationship perhaps. They'll be off to uni when their brother or sister is starting infants, afterall. Is that a bad thing? Or just not the "norm"?

I obviously worry a bit about my age and the risks associated with that too.

But, I am incredibly broody. I would love a bigger family and I find myself feeling quite jealous when I see families with LO running around. In our village, they're everywhere! So can't escape that feeling.

Is my dw right? Am I over thinking it? Should we just crack on? Or on the flip side, should we be thankful that we will soon(ish) have our freedom back and stay just the 3 of us?

Should say I did have some fertility tests about 6 or so months ago and everything looked good, but I know at this age things can change very quickly.

Thanks for reading

OP, I found my first baby easiest physically, but I was on my own with her so in that sense it was difficult.

My second baby (DS1) I had with DH and it was amazing, just blissful. It was like pfb all over again 😂 The time between having DS1 and getting pregnant with DS2 was the happiest time of my life (obviously I adore DS2 but it was a difficult pregnancy).

@Alderaan, it can be, but it can also be very quick. For example, I could order some now - next day delivery! I think it's the only thing Amazon don't do I guess it depends what you're looking for and what route you want to go down. We are looking at a sperm bank that still ships to home addresses in the UK (last one, I believe) but of course it may not be that simple. Yes, my results were very good and all women in my family seem incredibly fertile, but that still doesn't guarantee anything.

I know some people who have a private arrangement, but I would feel awkward with that. Not so much the legal side, as because we're married, the donor would automatically have zero rights.

So glad you finally got there and got your baby

@Mamette, yes, I think having a loving, supportive partner and feeling more "together" and stable is always going to make the experience so much more enjoyable.

Go for it op. I had my first at 18, I am now 30 and hoping to try for another in the near future.

@Namechange8471, good luck for when you do start ttc.

The donor I we had our eye on is apparently unavailable now so back to the drawing board I guess.

I know we haven't 100% made a decision yet, but no harm in having a look in the meantime

Absolutely go for it, nothing wrong with having a baby at 36!

I have a small age gap between 1-2 then a big age gap between 2-3 (so 10 years between 1-3). It’s amazing! Everyone dotes on the baby, he’s brought so much more love and joy to our family. I swear I can feel my heart swelling when I see normally grumpy teen DS scoop up his toddler brother just to give him a kiss on the head!

@NameChange84, seems to be the general consensus

Aww that's so lovely @Thistles24