How do you let go of emotional abuse?

[Whyamithinkingaboutthis]

Things that happened years ago and never bothered me before have started keeping me up at night since having DC. They relate to family we still see and are on good terms with.

I go over and over it and wish I'd asserted myself more at the time, even though at the time I just wanted to smooth things over and move on as soon as possible. My DH, who saw first hand, insists it was emotional abuse although I'm still not sure if really was that extreme. I did have a controlling ex when I was younger who tried to isolate me from my friends and family, spread lies etc, which had a lasting effect on my friendship circle and relationships, and I recognise that but I don't feel angry about it now and have moved on from it. But now again I'm up and can't sleep feeling upset about family matters that happened years ago. It makes no sense to bring it up now though I'm sure and would cause a needless rift. So how do I forget so I can get some sleep?

I wouldn't ever let DC be made to feel the same way, but it's definitely been revisited in my mind since them.

Emotional abuse can be very subtle but leave deep scars. Having DC makes us look more closely at how we were brought up so this is why these feelings have resurfaced. I could only deal with how I felt by talking about it - firstly to a trusted friend (a member of the Clergy so has some experience in this area) and then to a profession counsellor. I think you need to express these feelings, otherwise they will just go round and round in your head. It’s good that you can talk to DH but I would consider seeing someone trained in talking therapy. As you say, there is little to be gained from speaking to the family members who made you feel this way, but you need to make your peace with your emotions.