@Bairnsmum05 I'm sorry for the loss of your dad x
@Lifeispassingby @LittleRen sorry for the losses of your brothers. My DH lost his brother, so he understands how I feel. He went spiralling into depression after his brother died. My brother and I were also very close. Our whole family our close, we live in each others pockets. We never really grew up and moved away, like 'normal' families, our children just became new additions.
I feel incredibly guilty today. We went to my baby daughter's grave yesterday, before the funeral, and I showed her a photo of her uncle, and told her he'd be there with her now, but I feel like I've betrayed her. I feel so damned devastated by the loss of my brother that I feel guilty that I'm not crying over her. I feel like a crap mother. I didn't realise after the all-consuming, suffocating pain of her death, that I could ever experience that pain again, yet here I am. And I am utterly bewildered by it.
I read that losing a sibling is like losing your past, present and future and that is damned right.
My DD has drawn pictures of her sister and uncle together, she got it before I did.
@StopGo I was perhaps harsh on my sister. She and I differ widely on how we handle grief. We visited him the day before the funeral. I'd arranged to go in with my (adult) son. She insisted I go in with her (although I'd promised my son beforehand, I'm not assertive). He came out howling...I've never seen him like that. He was like a tiny boy and my maternal instinct kicked in and I felt anger. Anger at myself for not standing up for him and to her, and going in with like planned. So when she said we'd go in together, I refused.... I guess she thought it would be nice, two sisters together, but I wanted to be there for my child. She went with her son the next morning - she went in with him....
My dad is so devastated. He has terminal cancer. My brother would take me to the hospital to see him after his operation.
The care home treated my brother appallingly during lockdown (we never visited him there, we never, ever saw it, he was moved there and all rehab stopped due to CV-19).
He looked like a hobo - his beard was down to his chest, he'd lost half his body weight....
It wasn't his cerebellum dysfunction (we don't know what), that killed him, we were told with rehab he would regain some semblance of a normal life...it was aspiration pneumonia, he caught in hospital, when he was taken in with a UTI.
I saw him on the Sunday, and his blood results had improved, by Monday night they'd stopped all antibiotics and removed his NG tube.. and he died on the Tuesday...