Any help to stop me repeating myself

[Helpplease222]

Thanks to lockdown and me and dh working in close prolixity I have come to a realisation that I repeat certain phrases when I’m on the phone to clients.
Really annoying ones like “do you follow” and “how can I say”. I did sort of know that I can drop things like this into my speech but as dh (and actually someone I was speaking to) have pointed it out I’m feeling really conscious of it.

How would I teach myself not to do this? I also sometimes say the dreaded “do you see what I mean” as well.

Anyone have experience of getting rid of these sorts of verbal tics or patterns of speech (not sure what you’d call it)? How can I do it?

I should say, the reason I do it is that generally I’m consulting on the phone - so it is a case of checking someone understands what I’m saying.

Could be worse. My DH says 'you know' all the b**y time!

As a practical suggestion, I joined Toastmasters International which has cured me of most of my own speech crutches e.g. actually. There's bound to be a club near you.

@Jaxhog oh I’d not thought of that. A friend of mine goes to toastmasters - I’d always ignored as I’m totally fine with public speaking - it’s informal conversation where I struggle so hadn’t occurred to me. I’m in London so (when things are back to normal) there’s loads near me.

@Helpplease222 its mostly the Table Topics that helps with speech crutches. Nothing like having to speak unprepared to help with this.

Toastmasters clubs are currently online, so no need to wait! My clubs aren't in London or I'd invite you to mine.

That’s fab will look at the online ones. Sounds preferable to the only other method that I though of which was tying an elastic band round my wrist and pinging it every time I use a “filler”.

Am also wondering if this comes under elocution or similar

Maybe focus on how it comes across to the listener. You might mean it as a way to ensure understanding but being asked several times “do you follow?” might make the listener feel that you think they can’t follow.

For example, I have a friend who constantly fills with “does that make sense?” I want to shout at her “of course it makes sense, I’m not some kind of idiot who can’t follow a perfectly normal conversation!!”

So even though your intent is good, if you could focus on the listeners feelings that might help you to stop.

Hope that helps.

As you do need to check clients' understanding, it's at least worth considering working out alternative phrases. Perhaps have a list in eyesight when you're on the phone?

Phone consultancy is a pain in the arse to be honest. I've just finished 4 weeks of it, but would normally be face to face with the client.

I'm not sure how you are structuring things and it does depend on the subject matter, but what I've done is put specific check points in to the calls, I've also made it much more interactive compared to if I was face to face, so they ask more at any point in time.

It's bloody tricky consulting over Teams as you can't pick up on facial expressions, body language so easily.

I’m a barrister and conduct client conferences where I have to explain sometimes very complex ‘stuff’ to sometimes very challenged/anxious/stressed etc clients.
I found myself saying ‘does that make sense to you’ a lot.
It helps to reduce this by -
A very clear invitation at the start or just as you are about to cover something tricky for the client to ask qs or stop you if they are unsure if anything at all.
Have you your sleeve phrases like ‘is there anything you’re not sure about’ or ‘is there something you would like me to explain again or differently ?’mend with things like ‘do get back to me if there’s anything you are unsure of’ or I’ll put this writing so you can take time to make sure you understand’ - whatever works in your circs.
I’ve found generally that online client conferences take more time, require more careful listening from me, need me to shut up more to let client think/speak more easily as without visual clues it’s too easy to witter in and often the dreaded fillers appear then.
Good luck op.

One of my friends has a verbal tic of saying "if you know what I mean" or "if you get me"

I don't think I'd ever tell her though, it might come across as being critical and she's a lovely person. I could make a point of saying yes, I do.

I tend to say "umm" quite a lot if I'm considering something.

If you're aware of it though you can start trying to train yourself out of it

@teaflake a list is a great idea - even if I don’t use it, it may at least remind me not to say the same things over and over.

@HeronLanyon I think “does that makes sense” may be another one I say a lot.