How do you stay calm during a toddler tantrum??

[Dualipa]

My little boy is only 18 months old but the tantrums / strops / screaming fits are happening numerous times a day 😩
He's so loud it's deafening.

I've tried speaking to him calmly but he's so loud he can't hear me /ignores me!
I'm not comfortable with just ignoring him.
I lose my patience sometimes and shout back then I'm wracked with guilt for the rest of the day ☹️

It's usually about the smallest of things, namely him not being able to grab hold of something he shouldn't.. like a knife or bottle of bleach!! 🙈

It's stressing me out!!

You can’t go in to battle every time you say no. You’ll have to be firm, distract or ignore.

I don’t always stay calm and I’m on anti anxiety meds which I think help!
It’s so hard. When the totally lose it, they just break from reality and I don’t think they know which way is up. Sometimes I think it’s a question of waiting it out. It’s painful but they need to calm themselves a bit.
Sometimes I set a timer for two mins and when it goes off I tell him we’re all done. Moving on. Plus I know I can tolerate almost anything for two minutes.
Remember that you’re human. Give yourself a break. Sometimes kids are very annoying!!!

You can’t go in to battle every time you say no. You’ll have to be firm, distract or ignore.

This. My toddler has just had a tantrum because I wouldn’t share my toast. I finished my toast and scooped him up and gave him a cuddle. He’s fallen asleep.

Prior to that he had a tantrum because his foot kept jarring the pedal on his tryke. After establishing he wasn’t in the pain he was making out I gave him a kiss on the cheek and carried on walking.

Before that he got upset because he stuffed so many crackers in his mouth I had to scoop some out. I just scooped them out, cleaned him up and gave him a cuddle.

I find it upsetting when parents scream at their tantruming toddlers. If I get overwhelmed I say FFS in my head and step away for a minute. Or scoop him up and carry him if we’re out.

They have big emotions they can’t regulate or understand. It’s not personal.

I'm afraid you'd need to let it pass, you need to learn to ignore. Think up a happy place and go there. Tantrums could last till about when they are 36 months. Is this your first?

You say you are uncomfortable with ignoring him, but you end up shouting at him. Ignoring is much the better of the two mid tantrum. It is your job to be calm and wait it out and trying to talk to a tantrumming toddler is largely impossible.

Have you got a nursery rhymes album on your phone. Mine usually stops screaming if I turn songs on. He can then be distracted/cuddled but he won't accept any sort of intervention until he's come down a bit from the red faced screamy anger.
Admittedly he sometimes goes straight back to the thing that upset him in the first place but he's only 19mo and stripping seems to be what they do when they can't do what they want because it's dangerous or inappropriate

Ha yes he's my first!!
I once read that someone suggested talking calming to their toddler during a tantrum so thought it's sounded best but it's absolutely impossible!

Yes I agree I hate shouting and hate to see it that's why I get so guilty if I end up doing it ☹️

I think I need to try and ignore and see what happens. I feel like I'm learning myself when I thought I'd have all answers and never for a minute thought I'd get overwhelmed.

Don’t be hard on yourself OP. Self reflection is good. I’d say try not to actively engage in the tantrum but do passive things like to distract with other toys, sing etc.

I probably find it much easier as I have a 10 year old SS with ASD who tantrums like a toddler. My toddlers tantrums are nothing in comparison

Thank you @HogDogKetchup . I'm definitely going to try the ignore or distract options.

I didn't think these were meant to start for another 6 months!!

Distraction or ignoring is the way to go.

DD1 was better with distraction. Tantrums were short lived. Pick your battles. Distract. Offer a choice of two (acceptable to you) things so they feel they have some control before it gets to tantrum stage.

DD2- I'd say was more meltdowns and occured from 2-6years. They lasted much longer and she would sob through frustration, stubborness, tiredness and anger.
Ignore first. Offer a cuddle after, but no talking until they're calm, as whatever you say will be the wrong thing! Sometimes I'd leave her in her room to calm down too. It is easy to fuel the situation just by being there!

She hated feeling so out of control emotionally, so a cuddle when she had calmed down help put things back on an even keel.

Agree with posters above. Distract if you can, if not I ignore the tantrum. I’ve found trying to comfort or reason with them just makes it worse. Once they’ve got the tantrum out of their system they tend to come for a cuddle or talk about it (depending on age)