Is anyone else happier having no friends?

[Wilburgh]

I’ve spent most of my life being desperately lonely. Only child, disinterested parents, no friends in primary due to bullying (wrong colour for the area I grew up in), I was then bullied at secondary, left school and home as soon as I could after GCSEs and got a job - but that was working on my own (literally) in an office of a small company. I met a couple of people at gigs but they already had their own groups of friends from college/uni so it was hard to break in really and I worked long hours (I can’t count on both hands the amount of times I went out socially from 16 to 20, sadly).

I Tried to go to college briefly at 20 and met a friend who was also older than the other students like me and we both had to leave due to having to work to support ourselves, so we had that in common - we were friends for a few years and because of that I went out a bit with her and met my first husband - I was so fed up of being alone I married the first person who would have me and had my Ds at 22. I did actually meet some lovely people at baby/toddler groups and had a few fun years with them until ex h job moved us away and we lost touch.

I’ve never really made any friends after. I’ve had a couple that hung around but I’ve never really made it past acquaintances and they’ve not stood the test of time. There’s two people I’ve actually ‘known’ for twenty years, but it’s a case of a few texts a year and Meeting every 5 years or so, due to distance and them being busy with proper friends. But If I didn’t contact first them they wouldn’t contact me.

When I had Dd 7 years ago again I met some people at groups - I’m really friendly and can talk to anyone but I never manage to get past acquaintance. I suggest nights out etc and there have been a few but I never seem to be able to move past anything else and no one ever asks me to do anything so I just end up feeling like a saddo being the one to suggest going out, so everything just fizzles out.

I’ve moved across the county again recently, I’m pregnant again and I’ve decided enough is enough.

I think I’m done trying to make friends and I’ve actually come to peace with that. Dh and I get on so that helps.

But I don’t think I want to try and make friends now. I’m 40 and I just feel like I’m done with it all. It’s never worked out so it must be me!

I think I’m actually happier since I decided just to let it go and resigned myself to the fact that I don’t have friends.

I don't have any friends. At times, it's lonely but the last couple of friendships I had were such hard work that at 49 I can't simply be arsed.

At least you have a husband you like. Lots of us have friendship issues. And husband and children issues.

Just relax. Don't try too hard with people and see. Good luck

I have given up trying the friends I had I felt only wanted my company when everyone else was busy .
So after this happening again and not one of them visiting after I had my baby I don't want to even try anymore .

Over the last couple of years since I turned 30 I have completely lost interest in going clubbing and in my 20s that's all I ever really wanted friends for

I have a DP now I go on holiday with, my hobbies are ones I can generally do on my own. I like peace and quiet, and don't like gossip, drama and arguments. I'm quite happy living a life with no friends.

Perhaps a work acquaintance or two to go for a drink with after work would be nice

@LesLavandes yes, I am really lucky that Dh and I get on. So that’s something at least. I’m a lot less lonely than if I didn’t have him or we had a difficult relationship.

@GreyGardens88 my hobbies and interests are things that can be done alone/are usually done alone too. So the usual advice of join a club or activity to meet people has never really applied to me!

No arguments or drama is a plus. I read some of the threads on here sometimes and think I’m not missing out on much!

I probs my only have one friend and that suits me fine. Tons of acquaintances.

I have loads of acquaintances but very few true friends, and those that are live very far away.

I’ve realised that I don’t want to convert these acquaintances to true friends. I enjoy my time and time spent with DH and that feels enough. I don’t need that added pressure that comes with delicate friendships.

As I've got older I've found it harder to make friends. I don't know many people that live near me and I've tried to strike up new friendships and suggest various social activities. The problem I find is that everyone already has their own friendship groups and they either find it hard to fit me in or they prefer going out with their already established friendship group.

I don’t have any friends. I have had a few friends in the past but they were hard work.

I don’t drink so that makes things difficult as drinking gin and wine seem to be popular.

One of my oldest friends fell out with me today because I disagreed with her, and she was fucking rude about it. Suits me fine if thats the way it has to be.

DH is my best friend and I am lucky to have him and a very close friendship with my sister and cousins. It is what it is.

You're only 40, hopefully you have many decades to enjoy enriching friendships.
Start with the playgroup you'll go to with your new baby.
Don't go looking for BFFs- enjoy some pleasant company. Finding really good friends is a matter of luck but that luck won't find you, if you shut up shop now when you're so young.
Don't mean to sound preachy.

That's me too really. Some Facebook ' friends' some people I'd chat too when I pass them by. Im also quite fond of my work colleagues. I don't have those friendship groups other women have though. I'm ok with what I've got though as I'm exhausted with 3 children a job and in-laws/relatives. There isn't enough of me to go round.

My people are here.
Hear hear to everything written so far, including not drinking . You're all me

I agree with laure , just don’t try hard but be receptive, and don’t close yourself down. Life is long and friends can be very enriching, and some of the best times of your life, so don’t make any decisions or over think it.

@GreyGardens88

Over the last couple of years since I turned 30 I have completely lost interest in going clubbing and in my 20s that's all I ever really wanted friends for

I have a DP now I go on holiday with, my hobbies are ones I can generally do on my own. I like peace and quiet, and don't like gossip, drama and arguments. I'm quite happy living a life with no friends.

Perhaps a work acquaintance or two to go for a drink with after work would be nice

Just have to say, all my friends are individuals, not in a group. So there's none of that - I'm not a drama fan. So for some who want friends but hate the drama that often accompanies female friendship groups, just try people one on one rather than trying to break into a group.

I think in all honesty I am the same and for me if I really evaluate it's because I dont prioritise it. I usually get on with the people I work with but they aren't overly interested in me nor am I in them. Pleasant enough but very surface. I have one decent friend but far from bffs we meet for the odd coffee and I know I could call on her in an emergency but I wouldn't say we are very close.

I've always sort of felt friends seem to be relevant in particular parts of my life. So there was a group when I was married and a friend o made at ds1 school years ago but to be honest as soon as I moved area and split with exdh it all sort of faded.

Uni friends faded after uni etc. I fully accept it's me though. I have very little patience for all the ins and outs of the drama and hurt feelings because you've said the wrong thing or not answered a text quickly enough. Threads on here really put me off making more of an effort socially to be honest, if you go by mn unless you've offered a kidney , answered every call within 30 seconds and begged their forgiveness for breathing you aren't a good friend.

Dp and i get on extremely well , i accept in later life I'll likely be alone but in all honesty I'm ok with that, I'll read every book that is known to man and eat chocolate for breakfast with noone to judge

I have just about given up on 'friends' too - divorced and 47yrs old. Had a couple of recent very bad experiences with supposed close friends, that made me realise they only wanted to be my friend for what I could do for them. I have 2 friends left and feel even with them, I am doing all the running. I made a coffee date with one as a treat after we came out of lock down and she blew me out for a routine appt, so haven't bothered contacting her since. The other friend is a bit of a user and relies on me to organise things for her, and often wonder if she just wants to be my friend for my organisational skills?!! I am now hugely wary about making any new relationships, and actively avoid social events now - my world is getting smaller by the day, which is worrying, but I no longer trust anyone.

I have had my fair share of flakey friends or trying to be everything to certain ones and then being last on their list of priorities. But now in my late 40s i feel totally settled in the friends i have. I actually met my best friend when i was 40. We live over an hour away from each other and dont actually see that much of each other but when we do we spend a few nights at each others house. We chat most days. Our girls are best of friends too. So dont worry, friendships can happen when you least expect it. I have now come of an age where i dont feel the need to be surrounded by people or even feel sad if im not included in everything. I quite like my own company ha ha xx