Cutting friends DS hair

[Blueblue26]

So I'm a hairdresser but now work in IT so only cut for friends and family
My good friends ds I have been cutting since he was tiny, he's now 7
Beautiful head of blonde curls from a young age so she's always said that I'm the only one she trusts to cut it.
She brought him over this morning, I last cut his hair end of Feb, she likes it long and keeps it about shoulder length.
I love seeing him and have missed it so I told her if she wanted to leave him with me for a few hours then she could go have a bit of time on her own (single parent, wfh and no dad involved)
As I was cutting his hair he told me I could cut it really really short if I wanted to, I laughed and said oh I don't think mummy would be happy if I did that!!
Turns out he is really unhappy about his long hair, says he hates his mum putting it in a bun and that he just wants short hair like all his friends, I felt so sad for him.
I mentioned this to my friend when she got back and she said that she loves his hair and at 7yrs old he doesn't know what he wants.
She then told me if I can't be trusted to cut his hair then she would find someone else and I obviously wasn't a real friend
I was like wtaf!!!
I was simply telling her what her DS had said.

I feel so sorry for that poor boy! What a cow she is! But if she's now not speaking to you I don't suppose you can be his advocate.

I hope she sees the error of her ways soon

That's quite sad actually, that he isn't having his wishes respected, poor child. He's 7, not a toddler, of course he knows what he wants.

My DS has long hair because he wants to, just as he'd have short hair if that's what he wanted.

I would have adked him several times if he was sure and then just cut it short. At 7 he's more than old enough to have an opinion. He isn't a doll for his mother to style in a way she thinks is best and at the end of the day it's onky hair, it will grow back in time if he decides he wants it longer again.

I have other friends who's son's have long hair and they all say if at any point they want it cut short then that's their choice
I did tear up a little when he said he hates his hair but I just felt I couldn't cut it short without my friends permission
I will talk to her in a few days but for some reason it's really changed how I think about her.

I just felt I couldn't cut it short without my friends permission

I appreciate why you feel that way and I too would think differently. However would it help instesd to think about it from the other side in that by wanting her permission you are instead denying her child autonomy over his own body.

Hopefully she takes what you discussed in your conversation on board and allows him to get his hair cut but somehow I doubt it.

At 5 my ds has always had quite long hair. His choice.
His choice now is shaved at the back and a mun on top.
His hair. His choice.
Your friend is imo playing a dangerous game.

@TinySleepThief

I just felt I couldn't cut it short without my friends permission

I appreciate why you feel that way and I too would think differently. However would it help instesd to think about it from the other side in that by wanting her permission you are instead denying her child autonomy over his own body.

Hopefully she takes what you discussed in your conversation on board and allows him to get his hair cut but somehow I doubt it.

Yes all my instincts were to let him have what he wanted but he's not my son and I felt I couldn't go beyond what she wanted. I have a DS and hes now 19 but we've had mohawks in summer holidays, different colours, different cuts, even from a young age he's known what he wants so I know my friends son knows what he wants. I just have no right to cut his hair apart from what she tells me. We've been messaging and she now says that I've shamed her son into having long hair

'She only trusts you to cut it' because you're her friend rather than a professional hairdresser (I mean, I appreciate you are a hairdresser but the context in which you cut the lad's hair is that you're her friend). She knows if she sent him to the local salon the stylist would cut it off because the kid hates it. In other words, she's counting on your friendship to carry out her wishes rather than his.

I wouldn't cut the lad's hair again, you're basically supporting her to go against his bodily autonomy. That said, I don't think you've done anything wrong, it sounds like she's a bit of a cow.

That’s sad

My 5 year old know how he wants his hair!

I was secretly gutted when he wanted it short like daddy. He now has it as a Mohawk because it’s how he wants it.

It’s his hair. As long as it’s suitable for school (or not during the school holidays), he can have his hair how he likes

Tbh, I would have cut his hair too.

It’s his hair, but I understand you didn’t want to lose to your friends friendship.

But now it looks like you have anyway

I agree with Lonny, that the reason she uses you instead of a barbers is so she can maintain control.

Personally the minute he said he wanted it short if you were not comfortable cutting it you should have not cut it at all and that way she would have had to find someone else to do it.

Does he not have a father who can take him and actually listen to him rather than force his ideals on the poor kid.

I had to read that several times as I couldn't get past the part where she puts his hair in a bun even though he doesn't like it. Poor kid! I'd stay well out of it from now on.

Poor kid. I would have claimed he took your scissor and cut it himself and you had to tidy it up.

The thing is I've known her long before her DS was born, but he's a great kid, he's amazing, my DC are a lot older so obviously making their own decisions but for some reason I feel I need to speak up for him

Good

Someone should

I bet you are doing it for free? So she wants the freebie but no comments am i right?

Oh the poor love. I do feel for him.

DS has his hair cut by a family member and since he was about 5 I’ve let him crack on with whatever style he fancies safe in the knowledge that family member wouldn’t do something inappropriate for school.

I’d be giving him a pack of bubble gum and instructing him to be careful he doesn’t get it stuck in his hair .

@NotExactlyHappyToHelp

Oh the poor love. I do feel for him.

DS has his hair cut by a family member and since he was about 5 I’ve let him crack on with whatever style he fancies safe in the knowledge that family member wouldn’t do something inappropriate for school.

I’d be giving him a pack of bubble gum and instructing him to be careful he doesn’t get it stuck in his hair .

Lol I think he would love me to do this I respect every parents right to bring their kids up as they please but he was just so sad that I wouldn't give him a hair cut like his friends We've been messaging and my friend keeps on about his long curls, I've shown her pics, cuts of shorter styles but she's adamant that he will thank her for it in the end.

Oh he’s going to cut his hair off himself. When she comes to you to tidy bit up once he’s hacked it off then you should refuse poor kid it’s not up to her now.

No he won’t, and her stubbornness will make him resent her

Poor kid

Poor kid. I'm surprised he hasn't cut it himself.