Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

How do you get over someone?

4 replies

temporarychange · 19/07/2020 23:02

I have a friend who is quite a bit older than me; because of things going in my life when I met her I looked up to her as a mum figure and she provided me with a lot of stability and guidance that I was sorely lacking . I’m high functioning autistic, I was a young carer and when I met her was very much alone. I think I became very dependant on her over time .

I’m late twenties now and I feel I shouldn’t ‘need’ her as much; we don’t see each other so often, she’s always so busy, it’s always me making contact first and I’m starting to feel a complete idiot for still trying

She usually emails back eventually saying, keep in touch, etc but the more time goes on the more I think it’s all very one sided . I feel so bloody stupid and embarrassed . Used to talk to her at least once a month and I desperately miss that .

I can’t tell her what I’m feeling as I don’t think she will understand - I want to try and fix this alone, but I’m not sure how . If I could maybe learn to depend/care for myself? I haven’t got friends as such, or family that are able to talk/listen ... so was heavy reliant on that contact from her, it was the only time someone seemed to care about me, she always said lovely things and she never seemed to want anything back .

I think I thought she liked me and now I’m thinking that was probably never the case . Not sure if you would call it a crush or something daft like that .

How do I fix this ? I haven’t said anything to her, I think that would make it worse . Never talked to anyone in ‘real life’ and wondering if I should , if that would somehow help .

OP posts:
Oldestchild90s · 20/07/2020 12:25

@temporarychange Do you feel that maybe she is avoiding you on purpose? Like maybe she's caught on to the fact you are maybe a little too dependent on her and it freaked her out a bit?

I read this yesterday and was hoping someone would be able to give you advice, but didn't want to leave it without saying something!

Maybe you do have feelings but don't realise?!

labyrinthloafer · 20/07/2020 12:32

Hi, it sounds like you had a lot going on when you were young. Would some counselling help?

It is definitely possible to learn to care more for yourself so you don't need others to do so much. But no contact me can really do everything without support.

Do you contact this person only when you need help or also just for a catch up or something fun? I have, in the past, edged away from people who only contacted me for help. Apologies if I misinterpreted, this may not apt to you.

labyrinthloafer · 20/07/2020 12:33

Oh autopredict is frustrating me:

No contact me = no one Hmm
Apt = apply

temporarychange · 20/07/2020 14:51

No, usually just contact to catch up on things, see how things are . She has a lot going on as well with illness, disability and used to confide in me quite a bit.

I did wonder if she was avoiding me deliberately but confusing - she always says eg keep in touch, let me know how things are, etc . Suppose she is probably just genuinely busy but I just feel I’m being an idiot .

And yes I am concerned I might have been feeling more than friendship but not sure what to do with that one at all .

I think counselling would help but no idea how to access that to be honest, I don’t imagine the nhs are doing anything of that sort just now

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread