Can any maladaptive daydreamers help or empathise or just talk to me?

[fuckinghellapeacock]

I have been a maladaptive daydreamer since I was a toddler. I have it under control and find it therapeutic and helpful, very soothing, helps me get to sleep. I have no intention of stopping and don't want to, that's not what this is about.

Amongst the many things the fucking corona virus has ruined, is my best story to get to sleep to! It can't work with social distancing etc. It is also incredibly ludicrous so why can't I just carry on as always - why is the fucking corona virus interfering? I find it much harder to get to sleep.

I am hoping to find someone else who has experienced similar so I feel less mad. Thanks for reading

Ah I don't have covid interfering with mine as it's specifically set in 1980! It's what I think about every night to get to sleep (as well as randomly during the day)

I've had the same daydream now for a couple of years, I have a secret pinterest board dedicated to it with pictures of my apartment and various bits of the story (takes me ages to find pictures that fit)

I research things like what food was served in restaurants in 1980, what perfume was popular, anything to make it authentic.

It's only recently I've realised it's a coping mechanism for anxiety, a distraction technique basically. It doesn't interfere with my life and I really enjoy it

Can you have an amazing secret wedding in a giant overgrown quarry overgrown by trees so no one can see in? Bonfires, gazebos, sleeping under the stars? Then it will be like a rave or a festival where you all turn up in hiking boots and strip off into your wedding gear, having solemnly sworn not to reveal the location to the authorities? And all your characters can talk about the secret wedding for the next ten years. Something like this.

I sympathise. My worst one was when I started really seriously learning new languages. Then some characters started refusing to talk my first language. Somehow the new languages suit them but it wakes me up trying to narrate one language and have a conversation in another!

I did this for years, (didn't realise it had a name), but as I've got older it doesn't work as well, I can't seem to visualise. I miss it.

Ahhh, I get you OP. It’s rubbish when real life intrudes isn’t it? I had a scenario that involved a minor celebrity; not actually them, but just borrowing their face and job for my story. But then I found out something about them in real life that put me off, and it ruined it, even though the version of them in my daydream wasn’t based in reality anyway.

I don’t do it so much these days; mostly when doing boring housework! I have a playlist that’s like a soundtrack to my current scenario, and I put my headphones in and crack on with cleaning the kitchen while my mind is in another world.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who does research!

I may also have once downloaded Duolingo for the exact purposes of learning some words in a specific language.

I didn't know this had a name. I started mine in childhood too to escape abusive stuff. I still have the same storylines that make me feel safe and help me sleep.

Is this what I do when I’m trying to go to sleep? or bored in work I have favourite ‘episodes’ to play, and sometimes they go into my dreams, the episode moves on, and next time I can either replay from the beginning or pick up from the new point.

I’d never heard of this before, off to do some research, but Kitty’s suggestion sounds excellent. Good luck OP, hope it helps

I thought everyone did this! Quite shocked to find out that they don’t. It’s such a great way of falling asleep/occupying time . I think I’m getting a bit less good at though, some of my favourites seem less effective and my mind wanders- but they are 20 years old, maybe they’re a bit dated.
OP I hope you find a scenario, could you have access to a vaccine?

I’m another one who has always done this, at least for sleep, or when walking listening to music. Often linked to films or similar, I find it harder to do as I get older as I feel I am too old to be in the scenarios that I always enjoyed.

I do this too, didn't know it had a name.
I think it comes from having difficulty sleeping and dm saying "imagine yourself on the beach"

Mine vary between being gentle finding a cave and setting up home -very famous five, and fantasy lands, which can get slightly scary.
I have to be really tired not to go off to sleep with one of them.
I can also drift into them during the day if I am bored.

I also have very detailed immersive daydreams (and also experienced problems with Covid making some things impossible. I just placed them one year into the future and included a few extra details to acknowledge the influence it would likely still have). I wouldnt call it maladaptive though since on the whole I find it beneficial, so maybe adaptive daydreaming?

I do this.

The shock for me was finding that not everyone does it. But I totally agree that, although it is total fantasy, the odd real life thing can kill it.

I have many scenarios (exactly like books on a shelf ad pp said) and some have been killed off by Covid. I just cannot make them work. The only one I can really run with right now is a buffy style undead killer. And the only way I made it work was I had to be undead too, then I can’t get Covid 🤣🤣🤣.

If it’s any consolation Rufus none of mine are very fluffy.

There have been a few threads on this over the years. It's amazing how many people do it.

Yes! Firstly, thank you for naming something that has been happening to me since I was little because I was brought up being told I am absent minded and weird.

Second, social distancing has ruined some of my favourite daydreams too. I play it out then realise I am touching someone or not wearing a mask. It is very jarring, and like you I use my daydreaming to relax and help me sleep.

I've done this also since childhood as a form of escape-think middle class jeremy kyle family-outwardly respectable but behind the scenes....

I hadn’t heard of maladaptive daydreaming but I’ve always done something maybe similar. I’ve always had like a storyline running of what I’ll do once a zombie apocalypse happens or something that wipes out most of the population. Covid has been really difficult for me because of this and for the first week I felt like I was hallucinating, then for a few more weeks I just felt like I’d gone insane and was waiting to come round in a mental hospital and find out that it had all been in my head. I hope this isn’t offensive to anyone with real mental health issues or friends/family with them. I’ve just been through this scenario so many times over the years in my mind and I struggled to comprehend it fully and mentally cope with it being real. I was feeling dizzy for a long time and I think it was my brain struggling to get round it. I feel pathetic admitting this and I feel like I’ve got off so lightly as my family are coming out the other side intact although dad nearly died, but other people have lost loved ones and been through terrible times. I’ve been so lucky and fortunate with a good job and lots of support when others have lost so much and how have I got the right to struggle so much with it mentally. I’m still actually having my post apocalypse daydream but it’s tainted now.

It’s maladaptive in that without it the person finds daily life too difficult to deal with and feels highly anxious and agitated. It’s more than a gentle reverie, it’s a coping mechanism.
It arises in children who often have no choice about what is happening in their lives, at its worst it becomes disassociation.
It becomes a problem for adults if there’s more time spent in fantasy than reality, or the difference gets blurred.

I didn't know there was a name for it, but I am basically a Nymphomaniac assassin in my daydreams and I refuse to call the "maladaptive". They are fine, I don't kill anyone in reality, it am just putting the world to rights in my fantasy world. Who doesn't want to be an underwater Ninja sometimes?

My therapist told me it's not problematic as a coping mechanism provided it's used appropriately, she that I set aside specific time for it at a point (or points) in the day where I know it isn't going to impact on my daily activities. So whereas other people might have a half hour nap while the kids are at school, I might set my alarm and have a half hour day dream instead. If I'm put walking by myself and I have headphones in I can almost always guarantee there is no music playing and instead I am daydreaming. I also do it when I'm falling off to sleep or when I'm having a lie-in where I laze in bed while DH sees to the DC.

Thanks Fanthorpe - that makes sense. To me Id only heard the term maladaptive in terms of maladaptive coping mechanisms (like drink or drugs) which obviously are bad coping mechanisms. Whereas while I definately do use daydreaming as a way through daily life I wouldnt have put it in the same category because I dont think it has much of a negative impact (although I can see how it could..)

@LoungeLizardLhama I have a similar scenario where I am part of a team that develops a vaccine to ALL viruses. It's all very difficult and no one believes us at first.... now it ruined because I can't 'catch up' with reality! I've let that one go.

cross post with Kittyfantastico but yes, I have times of the day set aside for it and look forward to it immensely (and feel very cross if I miss out for any reason). I could spend hours literally just staring into space daydreaming but dont have many opportunities for that at the moment

I've had something similar, in my case wrt my sibling, who I do not get on with in real life. My daydreams all involve me just living a normal life elsewhere. The house I lived in for years (probably 25, at least) was a huge manor house. I moved my mum in because she's elderly and otherwise living alone, and thus I felt compelled to invite sibling and husband for Christmas.

Of course she acted true to life and refused to leave, declaring that it was mum's home so she could stay as long as wanted. And I could not get her to leave. So instead if being able to relax there the whole thing became very stressful.

I told my then counselor, who was amazed at how much control I let her have there. It took a long time to be able to throw her out (though I then relocated and she's NEVER visiting there! 🤣) But I did learn to stand up for myself and told her to fuck off. Just wish I could do it in real life.

Hmmm this is interesting. A bout of depression “cured” my maladaptive daydreaming. I haven’t been able to conjur more than saying the thing I’d wish I said for years. Just before covid I started a new regime and reading this thread I realised that I have completed the house and staff for my lady of the manor fantasy. So I guess it’s back.

And if it helps op I always have a failsafe where I’m the hero. Perfect for corona.

This is so interesting, I’d never heard of maladaptive day dreams before. I think I do this. I made a thread not long ago about day dreaming and a few people commented, but I didn’t feel the extent to which I daydream was made clear in the thread. I’m going to go google this now.

I have found my day dreams have been stopping me working while I have been working from home and seem to increase when I am anxious and stressed.