If you could be 16 again...

[MountPheasant]

...but with your current brain and life experience, what would you do differently?

I have been thinking about this a lot lately, and for very superficial reasons 😅. Late Feb, I was in a bar and I ran into a guy I fancied at school. He was very drunk and basically told me he had fancied me too, the whole time- as had a friend of his, who I ALSO fancied.

I was about a stone overweight the whole time I was at school, very self conscious about it, and also had a terrible father, so was shy with men. As a result I spent a lot of time reading by myself and hiding from my peers. I was convinced no guy would ever fancy me and would have run scared if they had shown interest anyway! I gained a lot of confidence at Uni and am now happily married, but this interaction keeps making me think- if only I had the confidence I have now, I would have had the nerve to approach one of those guys, and my school memories would have been a lot more interesting than reading in the bathroom!

Aside from being more confident with guys, I also wish I had taken up some form of boxing or martial arts (again, being overweight stopped me), didn’t quit my piano lessons, and had carried on French to A level instead of dropping it at GCSE.

I am trying to rectify the ‘lost time’ currently and am curious what other people would do if they could go back and give themselves some wisdom!

I would have talked to the school councillor about how bad stuff was at home and that I needed help.

I'd have tried to find a trusted adult who would help but as my parents had convinced school and the Gp that I was awful I don't know who would have listened, they all told me how I was bad for my parents and needed to stop making their life a misery.

It was the most traumatic year of my entire life.

My “now” brain would tell me to ask for help on my own. Go to GP, ask for help.
Bypass parents entirely.

Nothing at all to do with weight or confidence with boys, more to do with survival & reshaping the rest of my life from then on until this very day over 30 years later.

Dark dark days.

Hard to say!

Knowing what I know now I would drag my mum to the doctor and hopefully catch her cancer in time. But that would have altered the course of everything else, so I’d probably make a whole load of new mistakes

More work, less play. I lived in a rural area and so spent a lot of time drunk in fields or shagging. I valued fun over education and I regret that.

Get the treatment and therapy for ADHD my DC got ...

My dad had just died and I met my first proper boyfriend, who turned out to be physically and emotionally abusive and I was a vulnerable easy target. I stayed with him for 5 years. I would have ran the opposite direction and enjoyed my teenage years without being controlled, put down and beaten.

It's difficult to say because I can see that lots of the decisions I made over the years were not the best decisions with hindsight, but if I had made different decisions I wouldn't have my lovely children that I have now. So if I genuinely had my time again I wouldn't do anything radically different but I would manage my finances better, keep my diet and health in check and spend more time with extended family before it's too late.

This has been on my mind lately. At 16 I was sliding towards depression, about to leave education with barely any qualifications and facing four years of unemployment (except government schemes). It all added up to accepting the first of any opportunity that came along, be it a person or a job. I ended up with a low grade clerical job and an unhappy relationship in my 20s. It took many years to repair some of the damage, but if I could wind the clock back, I’d have got some counselling if possible (it was the 80s in a small town), and tried to enrol for full-time O and A levels.

Less worry about schoolwork and getting to a good uni. Would never have started smoking, did as a rebellion and gave up twenty four years later ... such a waste....

It sounds cheesy but I wouldn’t change anything. I’ve just taken a massive leap to follow my dream professionally and it took years of work and study as an adult to even realise what I wanted in life.

If I had done anything differently back then (stuck in at school more, went to uni straight from school to do the degree that interested me back then) I wouldn’t be here.

I’d buy a few thousand pounds worth of bitcoin. Otherwise I don’t think I would have really done anything that differently. Maybe not bothered with going on the big school trip as it turned out to be less interesting that I thought it was. Oh, and exfoliated more.

Left school and gone to college to study something I was good at, instead of 6th form.

Not listened to my over protective DM, who encouraged me to stick with what I knew rather than trying something new, spreading my wings and seeing the world.

Found a part time job and earned some money.

Knew about abusive relationships and learnt to be independent.

I don’t know that I’d change anything much. I was with a boyfriend, my first boyfriend, who was sweet enough and we stayed together for three years without too much upset. I think he was probably good for me at the time.
If you’d said 18/19 year old me... different story. Don’t get with that guy, he turns out to be abusive, concentrate on having a good time until you meet that guy. Shag him, a lot. Then leave to find DH, who’s the one. Solve a lot of upset and ‘what ifs’

That was the year my gran died, my parents divorced and my mother declared she was a lesbian.
I think I'd want to obliterate the next 12 years, then carry on.
My life has only become some semblance of normal in the last 5 years.

This is going to sound bizarre given the fact it’s MN!

I would have prepared more to be independent of my parents.

Now for the bit MN won’t like!

I would have focused on my faith more, putting it at the centre of my life, and I would have attended a conservative, religious university overseas so I could have met more likeminded young people and lived in community with them.

And spent more time practising piano and guitar.

I would have made more time to be with my Father as he only had a couple of years left, and concentrated less on boys.
Academically I really lacked effort. I can't regret my outcomes however as I feel different uni/career choices may not have led me to meeting and valuing DH.

I wouldn't have spent the next 7 years of my life with an abusive boyfriend - looking back now I can't believe that I settled for so little because he made me believe that no one else would want me. It's like looking back at a different person and I feel so so sorry for that girl. She had everything going for her, but she couldn't see any of it.

I don't know what I needed to. I was out of control. Had depression, went out drinking in nightclubs every weekend with randomers. Lucky to come out relatively unscathed. Started the slow path to sorting my life out when I fell pregnant. Being a mum at the age of 16 was never my plan but probably saved me from myself.

I had a very unhappy childhood and had to work hard to build a healthy environment to raise my DS. He is now 18. I've been married for almost 13yrs, have another child and started to study for a degree. We have a beautiful home and a great life.

Can I be 14 instead. Want to pick a better choice of GCSEs than the ones I did. I essentially did all the wrong ones - not really thinking about what I actually enjoyed and where certain subjects could lead too. If I have got to be 16 I would not stay at 6th form (again choosing the wrong subjects) I would go to college and do a more specific course. I would also save all my Saturday job money so I could learn to drive the second I turn 17. Also be more proud of my interests and of who I am.

Difficult as it would mean most of my children wouldn't exist, but if we're allowing fantasy of mature knowledge and hindsight then other impossibilities such as them still getting to be can also happen...

I'd have refused to be blackmailed with removal of my children if I didn't marry my abusing guardian two days after my 16th birthday, by special arrangement, and instead mounted a public campaign to keep my children, because I'd have had half an idea I could do such a thing and how, and that I was the victim not the perpetrator of crime.

I'd have known that people had responsibility for me not ownership of me.
I'd have demanded all the education I didn't know about and hadn't had.
I'd have understood the lie that the uneducated just had to work hard enough and there was no reason why they shouldn't end up equal.

I'd have raised attention over so many adults that were total failures and in some cases absolute disgraces to their roles and that one day what they where all involved in would be considered scandalous and no matter how much they labelled and blamed, I was just a surplus child from a rotten background, with very low self esteem, being abused, and they should have sought to help me and my children, not join in covering up failings and hiding our existence.

It would all have been so much different and would have been such a different life!

It feels pointless posting how turning 16 was used against me, but I fear there's current equivalents to my 16, still being totally failed and abused by those who should be protecting and helping them.

On a more positive note:

I'd have drawn every day.
I'd have learnt guitar, a wind instrument and keyboards.
I'd have learnt another language.
I'd have sung.
I'd have danced.
I'd have run and vaulted.
I'd have worn colors.
I'd have worn nicer clothes and not felt the need to cover my body and hair and downplay myself.
I'd have enjoyed make up and styles.

Many years later I'd have been considerably better at the top three things, if only by practice.

I'll go with 14 too!

Knowing what I know now, I'd have probably stopped living with my mother and moved in with my father far sooner and pushed him more for a bus card rather than his idea of relying on less than stellar people for transport. That would also mean I could visit my grandparents during my grandmother' last year. I'd also have gotten rid of my mother's blonde sooner, maybe gone far shorter and dropped the make up and stuff that I ended up dropping once I left too.

I'd have started weightlifting and wrestling sooner and generally taking better care of myself. I'd have focused more on different friends that were better than who I thought I'd clicked with. I'd have taken more art classes and not so many vocal ones.

Opposite of a lot of others, other than moving in with my dad sooner and maybe telling him why, I probably would have talked to adults about the shite less. I'd already had so many disappointments in this area, but I kept thinking if I just told the right person someone would be able to do something and it never worked. I might be more outspoken about some things, and be more thoughtful on my focus to get out -- I ended up doing so, but I could have made it easier on myself.

I’d have followed what I thought was my passion at the time by training in it at college; rather than doing A Levels at sixth form because I got OK GCSEs. I drifted around, one year doing A Levels (which were totally wrong for me) at an ultra-strict sixth form college, then tried a more vocational course at a different college. I ended up disillusioned and fed up and spent too many of the following years drifting in jobs with no sense of purpose or passion.

I wanted to do beauty therapy/make up artistry after I left the first sixth form but was told by the careers advisor at the next college that I’d have to do hair dressing as well or “I’d never make any money” (or words to that effect) . There are soooo many beauticians in my area, there are a lot of hairdressers and some who do both.

When I was made redundant a few years ago, DH offered to buy me a shop if that was what I wanted to do but anyone starting from new round here would have just too much competition (even pre-C19) and as I said to him, I’d have to do a couple of years training. I’m also too old now, I’d love just to train, more for myself but as I work shifts including EOW it’s difficult as I couldn’t guarantee being able to attend on specific dates. There is a provider near me that offers distance learning but you do have to attend a few sessions in person as well.

It may have turned out not what I wanted long term but I do wish I’d done it as I’d have had a trade to fall back on. So to my 16 year old self, do
what you think will make you happy, not what others (DPs) expect of you!

Similar to you op, I would have told someone I had a huge crush on since age 10 how I felt. He passed away late teens from an accident so I always have that regret hanging over me as it did develop into love but he had no idea.