Feel like I'm doing a shit job at everything, is this normal?

[User1988]

I have a 4 year old DS and 6 month bf DD. DS's nursery still hasn't reopened so we're all together all week.

DD will still only nap on me, and still has 3-4 naps a day so I spend a good portion of the day on the sofa or a quiet room away from DS.
Poor DS wants to play and do things, and I just can't because I'm trying to get baby to sleep, and he ends up spending lots of time watching tv instead. I feel like I'm failing him so badly, I want to be playing and reading and learning, getting him ready for school. Teaching him to read like my mum did with me. Making him laugh. Instead I find myself being snappy.

DD also has to feed to sleep. Every single evening is spent with her attached to me until I eventually go to bed (with her). I thought that by now I'd have my evenings back. Or 30 mins while she naps.

DH has again suggested I stop breastfeeding, but I worry that that won't actually solve anything, and all we'll have is a clingy bottle fed baby who still has to sleep on us. I can't get her to take a dummy.

I can't get dd into a routine, every day and night is completely different. Partly because when she is often due a nap, I then have to get dinner ready/sort DS out/wipe a bum/do something else that could otherwise wait if DS was at nursery.

When DD is awake, I'm trying to engage with her brother so I don't really talk to her a lot, she's mostly on my hip/on a play mat watching me talk to him.

I'm struggling so much and all I want is to go out on my own, unattached, to just go for a walk or get back into running in the evening. Or do a hobby, hands free. Or take DS on a little run, just him and me. I feel so trapped and miserable. DS is bored, DD is probably shattered.

I'm also desperately trying to keep the house tidy so that I feel in control of something but that's failing too. The place looks shit.

Just been made redundant too so there's no work to look forward to at the end of the year now.

I obviously know others are having a tougher time than me.

If you've made it this far - is this normal or am I particularly shit at it all? Are your kids having fun and learning lots? How the fuck do I get the baby into a routine? I know you can't spoil a baby, you can't breastfeed too much, that the whole 'rod for you own back' thing is nonsense...but it feels like that's what I have done, and I'm doing a crap job for both kids

some suggestions here but I feel your pain ...

why don’t you have him sit next to you and read to him while feeding? Encourage quiet play and reading to you.
why go into a different room,stay in the room DS is in when she does fall asleep she can get put down asleep on a mat on the floor? If he’s too noisy play something like eye spy but make it really hard and tell him he’ll get points deducted for a wrong answer, so he really thinks about it and stays quiet. Also re eye spy you can tell him to describe the object to his sister like “yeh it was curtains tell your sister about those curtains they are long and blue right?”
It will still be hard and you will still feel the balance off kilter but even doing a few such things might improve how you are feeling

Combi feeder here and I’m with you that stopping breastfeeding won’t necessarily help with clingy was but maybe it will spread it between both of you. Might not though so don’t feel pressured there.