How to stop meanness

[SMUnz]

Hi,
I was hoping for some advice. Two DD 9 and 11. One of them is really developing a mean steak which I want to temper as much as possible eg is mean to older DD until she cries then mocks her for crying. Things like that. I don’t want this behaviour to grow. What consequences do you think are appropriate for such behaviour?

Mean streak not steak!

My older DS did this to his younger brother. They are 14 and 12 and its was like this for ages but has improved recently. Its annoying. Infuriating even.

I have a rule: if I don't witness what's happened then i tell them both off. I don't assume that its always DS14's fault, DS12 winds him up sometimes and its really important (in my opinion) not to create a situation where im always 'taking sides'.

As far as consequences go, it depends on how you parent I guess. Im not strict, I don't shout and I don't 'punish'. However, I don't let it slide either. I have found a combination of 'serious talks' and making them both come on really boring errands has worked well. "Yes sorry but you do have to come to the supermarket/the church fete/the tip because I can't trust you to behave yourselves on your own at home." So far, a combo of this and patience has worked.