I want to be hospitable but I don't really know how. how do tween boys hang out?

[GabrielleChanel]

What do 12 year old boys want to do when they hang out? How can I make my house more appealing to them?
Please be gentle with me - posted this in chat not AIBU - feeling q delicate and unable to make any decisions on my own atm.

We lived very remotely and I had no local friends when I was growing up because I went to boarding school.
DS now wants to bring his mates round which has been something I have yearned for him to do but now I don't know how to make my home appealing in that way
We have an xbox but not much else and not much budget to put a pool in or anything lol
But yday he wanted mates to stay for tea and we had to turn them down as we didn't have enough food to stretch

Lots of fried egg sandwiches. Or toasties. Biscuits. They can always eat at that age. Other than that leave them to it. They'll want to game and listen to music and won't really want you around.
Outdoor space and a football is good too.

Stock fridge
Disappear
Only engage with friends when bearing food
Acceptable questions are ‘do you want more?’ or ‘how about some pizza?’
Personal conversations, beginning with ‘hello! How are you?’ are Not Welcome.

Food, drinks and keep out the way!

Pizza, biscuits and whatever game they are into.

Tween boys will be quite happy paying on the x box. At that age mine just to wander between garden, parks, other people's houses on foot or on bike. They would arrive loudly, stomp round the house for a bit, go on devices, stare at stuff on their phones, then move on to the next place. So unlikely to be anything you can actually do in terms of encouraging them to stay around for longer.

I'd suggest keeping something like pizza or chicken nuggets and chips in the freezer for spontaneous "can x stay to tea moments?". Though if they are local they can go home and come back out afterwards.

You'll be fine. In my experience all they want to do is Xbox. Or go to the park or eat.
If your son has asked his friends to come over then he must think your house is fine.

Pizza, toasties, etc.
Strawberries to get some good in them.

12 year old boys are happy with X Box and food/ snacks, maybe a kick around in the garden, or bike ride round the block. We have recently bought a badminton net that folds away which is great on non-windy days in the garden. They are happy to not have to spend a long time chatting to parents!!

If you can afford it and are short of food again you could order in a pizza/KFC. Best to have some freezer food (burgers, pizza, chips an ice cream) at the ready for unexpected guests even if you usually eat healthily.

I went to boarding school too and some parenting is more difficult due to have such a different childhood myself!

It also helps not to be too friendly. Mine used the ‘my mum is really strict, won’t let me’ a few times when they felt a bit pressured into something. It doesn’t damage their street cred too much.

My friends mum played this so well when we were teens. She always knew where her son was, and she knew all his friends.

She would basically give him the run of the lounge, always had the latest computer games and make drinks while watching her own shows in the kitchen drinking tea. She’d come in periodically cooing around everyone like she was our own mum.

Just make sure you are not sitting in the same room as them.
They'll be happy chillin' in a room that as got a game console, bit of music, snacks ( plenty of crisps and picnic sausage rolls- types) and fizzy drinks. Maybe some large cushions and bean bags.
Agree with football outside. ( Basketball net and ball goes down well at ours.)

As PP have said, food and drink. No conversation beyond "hello", and "help yourselves". They will find things to do, especially if there's a shared interest (doesn't have to be sports or computer games - my DC were very keen on the trampoline and big games of hide and seek at that age - they're now 16+).

Don't worry about feeding them 'properly' (i.e. expensively). As PP have also said, have some stuff in the freezer. Lidl/Aldi are ideal - 99p big pizzas, garlic breads (34p for two in Lidl), etc. Big bottles of fizzy drink (19p in Lidl). Spag bol can be extended to feed several more people cheaply if you add a couple of extra tins of tomatoes. They won't be expecting anything fancy. And a bit of crap won't harm them at all - it's not every night, and it's worth it if they come to see your house as somewhere that's nice to be. I have by far the least money and tiniest house of all my DC's friends, but they all still like hanging around here unfortunately

Get Jackbox party on xbox/ps. My teens loved it. Its different quizzes they can answer on phones, ipads etc.

@StrawberryScentedThings

It also helps not to be too friendly. Mine used the ‘my mum is really strict, won’t let me’ a few times when they felt a bit pressured into something. It doesn’t damage their street cred too much.

This, too. There were several instances when mine were younger, and friends were wanting them to do things that they were evidently not entirely happy with. I just used to tell them to say "my mum won't let me", as a get-out clause. I was quite happy to be regarded as a baddie as well.

Also agree with giving them the run of the sitting room. Am doing this tonight while my 18 yr old has several friends over. They can have the sitting room and I'll be in the kitchen with Mumsnet and a glass of wine.

Oh thank you so much. This is kindest response and what I needed. I am trying to be aloof but as I was chopping cake to give one
Mate I asked if they had broken up (from school) and He thought I was referring to a girl 😳👀🤦‍♀️

See, I was always really, really friendly to my boys mates, chatted to them for five minutes then left them to it. Always had cake and pizza in for the starving hordes.

However, my DS used to tell them I was a wolf in sheep's clothing, and they never put a foot wrong.

I still get on great with them all when I see them, even though they're all grown up now.

My 11 Yr old is camping in our garden tonight with his friend, is that a possibility if you're rural? Otherwise ime an Xbox and food is all they need.

@GabrielleChanel

Oh thank you so much. This is kindest response and what I needed. I am trying to be aloof but as I was chopping cake to give one Mate I asked if they had broken up (from school) and He thought I was referring to a girl 😳👀🤦‍♀️

That's so funny! You sound great, don't worry

Yes to camping in the garden if you have a tent.

But as pp's have said food is the answer and being somewhat aloof.

At that age (and through teens) my life experience is that boys especially are always hungry. They don't want fancy fare - anything carby is good. Pizza, crisps, cheese on toast, fish finger sandwiches always go down well. You get the idea....nothing that needs a knife and fork - just literally hand to mouth (with the other hand on a phone or other device).

They crave fuel and burn through it faster than an Aga .

Give them internet access, space/privacy and food - that's all that's needed.

Oh and stock up on loo roll. For reasons I've deliberately chosen not to investigate teen boys use lots when using the bathroom. Sorry if that's TMI.

They will probably want to watch stuff on you tube so tv that can do that and good wifi will be welcome!

You sound lovely, OP. That will go a long way towards making your son's friends feel welcom!

Now waiting for 18 yo's friends to go away again. Ugh. 16 yr old is sulking in her bedroom (because it's either there or the kitchen) because she's "not invited".

Don't worry about the boarding school legacy, either. My DC are at/have been to boarding schools. One of them found social stuff very hard when he was younger, but enjoys it now.

I have, btw, just read the Riot Act to the 18 yr old who is trying to push the boundaries and do something different from what we agreed at the outset...

Make sure you have a great broadband connection and the WiFi password on display so they can access it immediately they arrive.

Be aware they won't actually knock your door or ring the doorbell, but instead will text your DS to announce their arrival. So there's a good chance you won't actually realise they're even there.

Avoid conversation and eye contact. Don't ask them about school and certainly don't attempt any 'banter'.

Ensure the fridge and larder are well stocked with biscuits and crisps. Pizza and chicken nuggets are normally well received. Never offer fruit.

Make sure there are sufficient phone chargers and plug points.

If you want to really win points, subscribe to Sky Sports.

I always have a few emergency pizzas in the freezer and a tube of Pringles or a packet of biscuits in the cupboard to throw at them when they arrive. Other than that, they will just tend to arrive, thunder upstairs, play games/shout a lot, thunder downstairs, cause (and video) some sort of random chaos in the garden, thunder back upstairs again and so forth. DS's best friend is ridiculously lovely and will hover in the kitchen and offer to wash up etc., but he's very much the exception to the rule!

In my experience, they want to be left alone in a room with an x box, disturbed only by you bringing in pizza/biscuits/crisps/sweets. You don't have to be worried about providing a sit down, home cooked meal, you will be much cooler if you provide the above, wherever they are gaming