Struggling - everybody needs me, but I have nobody!

[confusedofengland]

As the title says really! I have so much going on at the moment but nobody I can really turn to, yet I am expected to be there for everybody else. I can't cope any more, but I have to

• DH's grandma passed away in the night. He has gone to spend the day with PIL & taken only car.
• Even when he is here physically, DH is not here mentally. He has a lot going on atm - mother with dementia, no job, issues with a football team he volunteers for, fibromyalgia - so he doesn't seem emotionally present. He is always on his phone. I think he is suffering from depression.
• I shop for my shielding grandparents every Friday, which takes about 4 hours each time. Have been doing since March.
• My grandad has been poorly this week, ambulance out today. My mum rings me every day to tell me this & expects me to pop round. I can't always do this! She works for my dad & only 40 mins drive away so I don't see why she can't go round! Or ask one of my 2 sisters!
• I home teach Ds2 & DS3, since Covid. DS2 is 9 & has an EHCP so also have weekly phone calls & half termly zoom calls about him.
• I am sorting out everything for DS1 finishing primary school & starting senior school - forms, parties, presents, dress down days, uniform etc etc
• I am trying to arrange playdates most days so DSes don't get bored & DS2 gets practise at playing with others (autism)
• I am also the one who has to remember cubs/scouts/birthdays/everything plus do all the housework & shopping for us!

It all just feels a bit too much & I can't do it all, but everybody else has their own problems & I have nobody to turn to. I have a good group of friends I can talk to, but they are busy & can't always meet up. Struggling so much

Firstly, I'm sorry for your DH's loss, and I hope your grandad gets well soon.
In terms of practical advice, could you get an online shop delivered to both your grandparents and you? Even if this was every second week, and you went to the shops every other week, it would free some time up for you.
For housekeeping, could you try giving your oldest ds chores to do? He could have a designated job, so washing the dishes and hoovering, or dusting his and his siblings rooms. You could choose to reward this with things like screentime or pocket money if you like.
Presents and parties wise, try buying lots of presents in advance. Matalan is good for presents, they have things like 'paint your own money box' kits for £3, you could buy 3 or 4 of each type so you always have a present on hand. link. You can order bulk buys of cards too, here.
Homeschooling will be slowing down now, for the summer holidays. If you wanted something to keep your dc busy, camp wondertropolis is running a free virtual summer camp to sign up to, that is also educational. It is made so the dc can do it by themselves link.
I think you also need to have a chat with your DH about how you are feeling, because in the long run it won't be good for your relationship at all if you keep feeling distant from him.
Are your sisters free for a chat? Even a facetime with a coffee?
All the best

So sorry for your loss and praying your grandad gets better soon.

I think it’s hard sometimes when you’ve got so much going on to forget to sometimes put yourself first, even for a few hours but it’s important that others know you’re struggling so they can support you. Make sure the people around you know that you need some attention too and if there’s anyway they can ease your burden a bit.

Hope things get better for you soon

You need to speak to your husband and sisters. You may well present as Wonderwoman and they don't realise the pressure you feel; if you are seen to be coping, people generally let you get on with it.

Thank you all. My sister just phoned me & I ended up breaking down at her. I feel so guilty! She also has a lot to deal with, everybody does atm

Thanks for present ideas. Unfortunately, they are teacher presents I need to buy by Tuesday- 10 teachers in total, DS2 alone has 6! But useful for the future. We are also pretty broke as didn't qualify for any money from the government, so that is another worry. We have applied for Universal Credit & received a loan, which I think must mean we will get something, but i hate it & feel like I am somehow cheating or doing something wrong

Please don't feel guilty
for teachers gifts, edible things/things that can be used up are favoured. So, you could get a box of chocolates for each teacher (poundland do some), and get your sons to make cards for them (these also are appreciated). Then attach the cards to the boxes of chocolates.
have a look at the entitledto benefit calculator too, you might be entitled to other benefits other than universal credit x
www.entitledto.co.uk/