Any tips on dealing with a manager who talks down to you?

[Managees]

Rather like you’re a particularly simple 5 year old child? It isn’t just me, she talks to everyone “below” her like this. Anyone on her level or above is simpered to.

Example: I needed senior authorisation for an invoice today. I have done roughly thousands of these. The manager I usually go to is on annual leave so I had to ask her. She came back to me with a step by step instruction of how to do the expense and then copied in the expense people (who probably get 5 of these a week off me) asking them to assist with an expense she was authorising pointing out that she is MANDATED to authorise these and to ask them to help me with filing it ffs

Another example, my colleague was trying to get agency cover but couldn’t find anyone available for the times we needed. She had called all our usual agencies. She had sent messages and called other bank staff who occasionally do work for us. She had mitigated the vacancy. Manager comes down and asks why gap isn’t filled. Colleague explains she couldn’t get anyone. Manager then explains (like I would talk to a toddler) that she needs to call agencies/send messages/pull on bank staff . We were both sat there like wtf THIS IS HER JOB she knows what to do.

She is constantly asking if we have done the most basic obvious things which are our actual job like she’s offering ground breaking advice.

I’m always in awe of all the women on here in senior positions so please if you have any advice for dealing with a colleague like this I would really appreciate it.

The fact I’m still awake means today’s encounter is obviously still bothering me

Hi, sounds REALLY annoying.

But she looksfoolish not you - if she does it to everyone then it'll be known by everyone.

I would probably listen when I get told things, give a mild at the end and file it under d for dickhead.

I would also create a massive invented back story in my head for why they are so insecure and feel sorry for them.

Their manager also knows this about them.

Grr this would really annoy me! Is she new to the post? I think you have two options, either to just smile and nod and know that everyone else is thinking the same, or when appropriate to outline what you have done already to preempt the babying suggestions from her.

She’s been in post for around a year.

I’ve just had another email from her

Mangees,

Have you done x,y,z regarding xxx.

Feel like replying “what you mean x,y,z that I do every fucking morning and haven’t ever once not done? Yes, yes it is done you simpleton

The expenses one I would respond along the lines of ' sorry for the confusion. I do these frequently so am familiar with the procedure itself. I just need you to authorize it in xx's absence' copied to everyone she copied.

I don’t know the answer but I feel your pain as my line manager is the same. I thought it would be better working from home but her tone comes across as condescending even in an e Mail.

This reminds me strongly of an old manager who was completely out of their depth doing their real job, so meddled in everyone else's instead. Tiresome.

However, they will fail to deliver on their own objectives (not least because they won't have time to do them due to the strange involvement in other people's tasks) and their under-performance will become clear to their manager and no doubt to their peers also.

Stay outwardly calm and professional, and try and remember this is all about her feelings, not about you. Keep doing your thing - and maybe research what skills are needed to do her job because it sounds like they could use someone good

Depending on your workplace culture and how good your own manager is / levels of trust in the team, you might also consider documenting those processes you described (so writing your team's standard protocols) so there's evidence you are all already doing everything right. There's an opportunity there too, to see if you can spot any potential improvements that could be made to the processes, and make any suggestions. I only say this because under-performing managers have been known to blame their team, but hopefully this isn't the case where you work.

Probably not the most mature but I would start ti respond both verbally and in email in the exact same style as her, in the short term. Hopefully that will make her identify that it is not quite right.

Reading with interestas I have the same issue. I had a phone call from her this week giving me a very detailed explanation on what a particular type of meeting is that I forward on to the relevant people. I've been doing my job for 3 years and I'm bloody good at it. I know what the sodding initials of the meeting stand for, which is also pretty self explanatory of what type of meeting it is as well.

I've also been asked to be the lead on a couple of things. When I was saying to her that I need time in a specific part of my working week to deal with one of the things I am lead on, as I currently have 2 roles, and 1 is specific to 1 role, I was patronisingly told that it isn't specific to that role as X colleague is my back up. I was very happy to politely correct her by saying that X colleague is my back up on the other thing I am lead on, not this one, and my own manager told me that I am lead because of that job role I am undertaking (above my usual role). She shut right up.

It's very irritating though as it is all the time. I dread having to speak to her about something as a very simple question will turn into her explaining it to me in detail like I'm 5. I sit and say 'yes I know how to do X, I was just checking Y' but she'll still do it. Any 2 minute question turns into a half hour conversation (well talking to).

Reply to her very neutrally:

Hi name,

Yes I have done XYZ. For future reference this is a task that I complete daily and where the quality and timeliness of my delivery and output is well established.

Regards,
OP

Well my response would probably be ‘er, I know how to do my job thanks, we’re not all as thick as you’ but I think helpfulperson has probably put it much better.

I had a manager just like this so I sympathise. The whole office knew what she was like and found her behaviour pretty pathetic. I just did my best to roll my eyes and laugh it off until I was able to get out of there. When I left I was asked to do an exit interview (highly unusual in that company) and I told the truth about her. She no longer has any direct reports, which is great for whoever came after me!

it probably would annoy them and that would be a mistake but i would say something like "Glad it is useful for YOU to rehearse the procedure and I am more than happy to confirm that is how it is/should be done."

or pretend not to understand and make them say it many many times - perhaps eventually explaining that you do not understand "WHY" they are telling you this.......

I'd reply (just to her, don't cc the others) along the lines of "Sorry, think you've misunderstood –I just needed your authorisation, I do lots of these each week but xxx is usually around to authorise. Thanks!"

Nicely nicely but make her aware she's wasting hers and everyone's time by micromanaging you.