Overwhelming work anxiety

[FUBARFlossie]

I struggle with overwhelming work based anxiety. It doesn't matter how hard I work. How well I do. However much positive feedback I get. My confidence is wafer thin. I permanently feel as though I am on the verge of being sacked. I have a form of PTSD (cptsd). I have been through 6 months of CBT which gained me the confidence to actually get the job. But I cannot get past this overwhelming feeling. I'm on holiday at the moment and I feel utterly miserable because a part of me is sure I will be sacked when I return, though I have never had a disciplinary incident or a warning, or anything to suggest I might. I really need some help and encouragement please. It's not OK to live like this.

Wow - how long have you felt like this? Is it only in this job? Do you feel that you are out of your depth or have too much to do? Has something changed (new staff, working from home, new management?).

I think we all get this ‘impostor’ fear once in a while.

I feel like this almost every day. It wouldn't matter what job. It's just a big part of me and I can't conquer it. I don't know what to do. It's killing me.

Have you felt like this in every job?

OP I often feel like this and I'm pretty sure its because of my last job, where I experienced bullying from a senior manager.

It's been 5 years now and I can still remember how awful it was there and how horrifically stressed I was.

I have to be very careful not to seek constant reassurance from my manager and try and relax. I don't think working remotely helps either.

I am the same @Sallycinnamum. I try really hard not to ask, but sometimes I am so overwlmed by my bad feeling that I have to ask.. Which of course makes me realise that I am annoying them and feel even worse. Its a vicious cycle. No bullying boss in my past. Just a very difficult upbringing and Cptsd.

Do you have regular catchups with your boss? That might help if you have a structured work plan and go through this / updates / get feedback. The more organised you feel, the more comfortable you will be.

@SerenityNowwwww

No, not in the past. But I never cared so much about a job before. And I had a long employment break due to circumstances. I would feel the same in every job now, I can tell.

No you won’t! I promise.

You are having a wobble - what was different before - that you didn’t care so much about the job- not that you were better at the job.

You haven’t had any reason to suspect you aren’t doing a good job. No one has given you indication that your job is at risk (any more than any of us at the moment).

Are there any courses or training you could do to boost your confidence?

I think I was young and arrogant and thought I was something, or that I would always get another job. Ironically I was really shit at my jobs back then.. I am good at some aspects of my job now (not all, I have deficiencies like everyone), so much so that another department wants me because they see something of value in me, and that is wonderful and comforting. (very, very temporarily), but always the anxiety returns. And it is out of control. There is a mental health helpline at work. I should probably give them a call.

@FUBARFlossie I relate to this so so much.

I was told in my 20's I have PTSD from childhood events, sought counselling and had overcome the more 'obvious' problems arising from it. Despite this, I'd always felt very capable in terms of work and just life in general, that is, until the end of 2018 when I had a complete breakdown after having endured some horrible treatment from family (ironically DH's family, not even my own).

During this time I really struggled with work, constantly doubting myself because my concentration was shot from months of poor sleep. I ended up taking time out and going on antidepressants for a time, but I can't say I've yet gotten back that confidence that I previously had despite being promoted at the end of last year. I still constantly ask if what I'm doing is right even when I'm 99% sure myself, I just need that reassurance.

I'm no longer on antidepressants because we are TTC so I'm doing my best to work on myself as much as I can. I've done some reading up on imposter syndrome and I listen to podcasts on personal development daily to give myself a boost. I am really hoping that over time I will gain back some more of the confidence I once had.

The really strange thing is...I KNOW I'm capable and I do try to remind myself when I'm feeling anxious, it's just the feeling of inadequacy is often stronger at those times.

Keep building yourself up as best you can OP. I know at my worst, I could only speak and think negatively of myself but I'm now in a place where I'm able to cut myself some slack and not best myself up so much and I honestly think its the answer. It just unfortunately isn't a practice you can switch on, you have to challenge what you tell yourself again and again until it changes.

What else is going on in your life right now that couls be supportive or indeed unhelpful to how you are currently feeling?