Would this worry you

[Ifawl]

DH has a drinking problem. He totally stopped drinking for about 7 years after he completely lost himself to it getting stupidly drunk most nights. Totally tee total
now and it had just become a normal thing to us that he doesn't drink. A few weeks ago he had a glass of wine or something with dinner and he's slowly been drinking more and more. So now it's Sunday night 10pm, he's got work in the morning and he's just texted me that he's popping to he shop to get more tonic water. He's drunk every night this week (1-2 g&TS and then a bottle of wine on Fri sat and sun each). I'm worried that he's losing control over it again. He's not an unpleasant drunk, a little annoying but that's beside the point. I do t want to live with someone who is drunk or hungover all weekend. Would you be worried about the way this is progressing?

Yes I would. I think you need to tell him he drinks too often.

He really Romanticises it. So he'll drink while cooking a big family meal, or listening to old records or watching something 'cultured' on TV. It's like he has an image of an aerodite man and the wine is part of that. My sensor is off as I grew up with an alcoholic father so don't know if I'm too sensitive.

Yes I would be worried. My DH drinks too much fairly regularly too. Sorry I'm not much help.

Oh my god! Erudite! 🤯 I do know how to spell!

Oh my god! Erudite! 🤯 I do know how to spell!

have to say I did notice OP but I didn't want to say anything...

Haha how embarrassing. Just had a total brain fart. I'll blame it on the worry...

Same here with my dh

He wasn't a weekly drinker at all for many years when we were first married.

I guess around 5 or 6 years ago he started drinking on the weekends at home etc and then gradually it crept into the week and then every day.

It would frustrate me due to the financial side but also as he has an addictive personality with many hobbies etc so it only gets worse before it gets better ifswim.

So after a couple of years he just stopped after xmas one year but he started gradually again after about 6 months,started when we were on a holiday. It then took him another couple of years on and off to sort his shit out.

Same pattern has followed upto beginning of this year when he stopped again.
Would have a few on a weekend but no week drinking at all.

Enter lockdown and from the day of lockdown to now he has drank every single night.

I've added up and let him know this evening he's actually managed to drink his way through 20 pints in three afternoon/evenings.

I have no qualms with telling him and how much it frustrates me. It's making me miserable because he feels like shit all weekend and has a knock on effect.

Where by I used to live for the weekends as we both work ft busy jobs I now look forward to a Monday morning

It changed them op. He's not loud or rude or anything like that but he's critical and negative about things on a daily basis.

He gets in the door from work and goes straight for the fridge. It stinks on his breath and totally puts me off him. I've also told him this.

I've told him how much it pisses me off that Hel blow such an amount of money on it every month but can be a tight ass in other ways.

Told him it makes him selfish.
It's making me miserable now and I've also told him that.

He always agrees he drinks too much but never does anything about it

I actually said earlier when we were talking about finances etc that I'm so sick of it I'm feeling like it's affecting my life now and I've had enough.

Hopefully it will sink in but I'm not holding out much hope to be honest and as sad as it sounds I've detactched from him a lot the last couple of years and this is just another thing that frustrates me and pisses me off.

Op they will make any excuse they can think of as you probably already know and hope you take it and let them be.

As my dc are getting older I know in my heart we won't stay together forever because years of frustration and resentment eats away at you.

Luckily I've always worked and earns for myself and am financially able to support me and dc if need be.

We have seperate accounts for our personal money and savings and a joint one for the monthly bills we equally pay half each into. I did this because he's crap with money so yet another thing I resent but it means I know and organise our bills and that's how I like it.

Sorry for ranting on your thread op.

Yeah that's all so familiar. Sounds like theyve got quite a similar issue, all or nothing with the drink.

DH has been on a health kick, losing a lot of weight by calorie counting but now he's drinking loads that there's probably no point calorie counting. Last night was yet another where he fell asleep on the sofa. I was awake with DD in bed at 6am and I heard him shuffle in to the spare bed.

I'm worried I've exacerbated it as when he was just having a glass of wine with supper I said it was nice to have a drink together, I was happy he was drinking a bit again but he's taken then and run with it and now sinking a bottle + a few beers or g&TS every weekend night.

I don't know what a normal/healthy amount is to drink. I don't drink much at all.

I think the drinking issue tends to go hand in hand with an all or nothing personality trait op.

You haven't helped it along at all. It's his choice and decisions to make. That's what I tell my dh.

I also tell him to take responsibility for himself and his decisions but that if they continue to impact on my life and cause me worry or unhappiness then I tell him that.

There's not much else you can do.

I remember dh saying he needed something non alcoholic and nice tasting to drink when he got home as it's not the alcohol itself more having something nice to drink so we stocked up on lots of expensive really nice drinks non alcoholic and he maybe would do it for a couple of days and then the weekend would come round and off he would go again.

I've told him recently I've noticed he goes upto bed quite early some nights and I'm sure it's because he's drank his stock and it will stop him going to pick up more

I've told him that's where it impacts my life.

We get one day off together and as soon as we are back from wherever we've been out it comes and I just shudder at times.

It's his lack of self control that puts me off. Not a desirable trait at all.

I can't remember the last time I had a drink due to a medical condition but also it makes me feel crap.

Yesterday's conversation was similar in that because he seems to drink more on a weekend he's feeling crap and tired each day so doesn't move very quickly and has stopped doing his share of helping with stuff at home.

It all comes hand in hand. He wouldn't be guzzling energy drinks in the day if he didn't fill himself with alcohol every night and then he'd be clearer headed which he certainly isn't

I'm doing more and more to the point he literally goes to work and comes home and pootles in the garden till he goes to bed early for work again the next day.

He stepped out of the family organising thing long ago and if I didn't bother telling him things he wouldn't have a clue what was going on.

I've stopped filling him in on stuff now and then when he asks why he didn't know I just say because you weren't interested.

It's like having an extra child which def isn't good for the sex life

Not that we really have one because he's too knackered or quite frankly the smell in his breath puts me off.

It's not good op.

I often think am I over reacting or being over dramatic but then I think if something he's doing is impacting negatively on me and my life and happiness it's no over reaction