sexual preferences on OKCupid. Spoilt for choice.

[cheezy]

I have just updated my 'preferences' as previously I was apparently 'open to all'.
My choices are:
straight
gay
bisexual
lesbian
queer
pansexual
questioning
heteroflexible
homoflexible
asexual
gray-asexual
demisexual
reciprosexual
akiosexual
aceflux
grayromantic
demiromantic
recipromantic
akioromantic
aroflux

I thought it was a bit limited to be honest. I mean what if I just want to have sex with my cat (I jest)

This stuff doesn't make a lot of sense - it conflates sexual orientation (i.e. the sex of people you're attracted to) with sexuality (i.e. your preferences about having sex).

Every day's a school day:

Akiosexual (also called akionesexual and lithsexual) refers to a person who experiences sexual attraction, but has their feelings fade if reciprocated. Akiosexual can also be defined as someone who doesn't care or want their feelings reciprocated.

"Or as my teen DN put it when she explained it to me "basically not being a tramp."

It really hasn't helped young people much, has it?

Given the meaning of akiosexual, why would anyone on a dating site put that as their option?

Reciprosexual or recipsexual is a sexual orientation on the asexual spectrum meaning someone who does not experience sexual attraction unless they know that the other person is sexually attracted to them first.

These are mental health conditions, surely?

I had to google some of those out of curiosity. Apparently if you are akiosexual you don’t want anyone to be attracted to you and don’t seek out relationships so why on Earth would you be on OKCupid in the first place

Hahaha! This is both hilarious and Utterly ridiculous.

Some of these just sound like examples of poor self esteem in teens and young people.

I wonder if I can make a new one- momoasexual

It means I am only attracted to men who resemble Jason Momoa. That would certainly weed out the ones I don’t want

@HollowTalk

Every day's a school day:

Akiosexual (also called akionesexual and lithsexual) refers to a person who experiences sexual attraction, but has their feelings fade if reciprocated. Akiosexual can also be defined as someone who doesn't care or want their feelings reciprocated.

So they are only attracted to people who are not attracted to them? How does that work. Are they turned on by rejection or what

@HollowTalk

Every day's a school day:

Akiosexual (also called akionesexual and lithsexual) refers to a person who experiences sexual attraction, but has their feelings fade if reciprocated. Akiosexual can also be defined as someone who doesn't care or want their feelings reciprocated.

So just a word to validate those who like the thrill of the chase, and then ghost.

So just a word to validate those who like the thrill of the chase, and then ghost

Basically yes. I don’t think you should be on a dating website if you’re going to drop people the second they start showing interest. That’s really shitty behaviour. Although I suppose at least if people know by the label they can avoid you- which ironically will make you instant catnip to them

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut I think it’s being attracted to personality rather than physicality.

Akiosexual (also called akionesexual and lithsexual) refers to a person who experiences sexual attraction, but has their feelings fade if reciprocated. Akiosexual can also be defined as someone who doesn't care or want their feelings reciprocated

That actually sounds rapey.

Where's Orderosexual on that list? I can only feel aroused when things are tidy. Moreso if my intended partner does the tidying. I shan't be using that site.

We were having a nice chat about this at work prior to lockdown. People's tastes change as they go through ages and stages - as a youngster I felt I could have 'swung either way' but I really wanted babies. I didn't know that artificial insemination / test tube babies could be a real the thing that happened to people I might know, so blokes it was. I don't know what I do if he died, but as I'm not looking to reproduce, I'm not limited.
A bloke I worked with was in gay a relationship, didn't want to be defined as 'gay' as a person, as he had a child from his marriage to his wife - after divorce he found himself with a person who happened to be male. If that ended he would not specifically go for another man or another woman, but someone he clicked with.
At the point you go on a dating site, you say who you are looking for. Man, woman, man or woman, and I think pan means either plus trans, but there doesn't seem to be a word to specify if you are interested in trans-men or trans-women, which has always struck me as odd that you have to be open to neither or both.

Not fancying someone unless you know they fancy you first seems a bit 'fears rejection' rather than an orientation as such. I was that as a young teen - easily embarrassed.

I am asexual... so therefore you wouldn't find me on a dating site!

But some Asexual people want a relationship but not sex.

Cupid is going to have his/her/their work cut out with some of those.

Arofux
As in 'look at all the arofux I don't give'

Idk, aren't they useful in that those of you who are scornful of them will know you wouldn't have much in common with anyone who used them?

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut

Its demisexual that confuses me. Where you have to know someone well before wanting sex with them. Isn't that just normal? The default? Or as my teen DN put it when she explained it to me "basically not being a tramp."

I hope you pulled her up on the judgemental use of the word tramp.

I'm giving up on dating now then - I'm useless with choice. I'm currently struggling to find a setteeI like, I've no hope whatsoever finding a partner now that I know there are so many options.

@HollowTalk

Reciprosexual or recipsexual is a sexual orientation on the asexual spectrum meaning someone who does not experience sexual attraction unless they know that the other person is sexually attracted to them first.

These are mental health conditions, surely?

This is an interesting one though. I've had dreams sometimes about people I've not been remotely interested in, only to wake up after the dream and decide I do now find them attractive. There was a memorable episode when I was about 16 and dreamt about the school caretaker (who was of indeterminate age but certainly a lot older than me).

@Livingly I'm sure there's a word for that too!

@noblegiraffe

Googling led to this article everydayfeminism.com/2016/02/what-is-graysexuality/ which was more illuminating than it meant to be, I think.

“In her article “The Questioning Continuum,” Bitch contributor Joshunda Sanders shared just how alienating it can be to not fit any of the existing categories.

“Like many people, I long to fit into a neat category, and it irks me to be so open to the possibility of love in any form. But a lifetime is a long time to be at war with yourself,” she writes.

It’s important to create spaces for people who don’t clearly fit labels because their identities and their experiences are real, and they matter. It’s an incredible feeling to discover you are not the only person experiencing something.”

It’s important to create labels for people who don’t fit existing labels because without a label then who even are we??

Where do people find the time to be this self-absorbed? I don't have the time or energy to be "questioning my identity" and creating the right label that fits.